Fag Hags-Straight women who love gay men

Last night on SBS there was an hour long tv show about fag hags. I’ve heard this label before, and often think of my best friend as a fag hag. Her boyfriend, who is very feminine and gets mistaken a lot for being gay, calls his girlfriend, my best friend a fag hag. They laugh about it, and I would laugh about it as well.

The term fag hag, in the 70’s was used in a derogatory way. Through the years, I think it’s become a more socially accepted term, and women are taking the name back and using it in a postive way. The tv program interview 3 couples and talked about what it meant for the straight women to be a fag hag, and just how intense of a relationship the two individuals developed over the years. There was one couple, that actually ended up getting married. But there was a lot of discussion about what it means to be a fag hag, what happens when deeper feelings become apparent, and what happens if ever the line is crossed where sexual intimacy happens.

Being a fag hag seems more socially accepted now than in the 70’s. If you look at the hit tv show Will and Grace. Grace’s character could very well be labelled as a fag hag. But the platonic friendship/relationship goes way beyond the fact that a str8 woman’s best friend is a gay man. There is always talk about how great it would be to have a gay best friend because you’d be able to get tons of tips and advice about make up and clothes. But it’s more than that. It’s a true relationship to a lot of people, and a lot of emotions become involved in this sort of relationship.

While watching the show, I asked myself “what is it called, when a lesbian’s best friend is a straight man?” I know there are lesbians out there who’s best friend IS a gay man. But why isn’t there a label as to that “idea?” I got to thinking, and I seem to get the impression that it’s easier for gay men to have straight women as friends. But if you talk to a lot of gay women (myself included) we don’t really want to have straight men around as friends. Don’t get me wrong, I know gay women DO have straight men as friends. But there just seems to be a lot of anamosity or standoffish vibes that come from gay women. I will be the first to say I don’t have any straight male friends and I’m quite happy that I don’t. I don’t see a need for me to have straight male friends. When I was living in the states, I had a couple of straight male friends, but that’s only because they were partners of my friends.

I often wonder if gay men are this standoffish with straight women as gay women are with straight men. I think, and this of course is just an opinion, that gay women don’t really care to associate themselves around straight men because straight men always seem to be thinking with the thing in their pants. Guys seem to believe that a gay women just hasn’t found the right man, or guys immediately think of threesome when it comes to two women. It seems to be that lesbianism is much more eroticized than gayism. You look at the media, and you’ll always find the hype when two women are caught kissing on tv or elsewhere. But there isn’t any hoopla or anything of that nature when two men kiss or engage in sexual activity. Usually IF there is hoopla, it’s in a derogatory way. But do gay men not feel this sort of feeling with straight women? It always seems like gay men can make straight women as great friends, but gay women don’t want straight men as friends. Do straight women try to hit on gay men and try to persuade them that they haven’t found the right woman? Do straight women, when they think of gay men get all hot and bothered by two men having sex? This I do not know, as I am not a straight woman.

But it seems like there is a lot more that can come out of a friendship or relationship between a gay man and a straight women. Gay men have great taste, they are more sensitive, they seem to know things that straight men don’t know. Or is it all just part of the stereotypes portrayed by gay men? But what can a straight man contribute to a lesbian woman, aside from the snide sexual remarks every once in awhile? Maybe I’m being too hostile, because I don’t have any straight male friends. I have gay male friends, and am quite happy with that. But I don’t go out of my way to make friends with straight men. I know not all straight men are pigs, and I of course am not putting that label on them. But do relationships that fag hags have with their gay men, do they exist with lesbian women and straight men? Is there even a term for this sort of thing?

I think it’s great that gay men and straight women can have this sort of bond with each other. But do straight women ever feel a sense of loss or sense of emptyness because they know they’ll never be able to have the relationship that they want. A lot of straight women say “he’s the perfect man for me, and I’d marry him if he wasn’t gay.” Do these straight women feel like they are missing out on something? And does it make things harder for them to develop heterosexual relationships? Two out of the three couples, the straight women were not married. There was talk with one of the couples, of having children. Just like in Will and Grace. Bringing a child into the world takes a lot, and being a gay man, the idea of having children can be a real downer (not in a completely negative way either) because they know that they’ll have to involve a woman into the picture. Gay women have to involve men, but it can be done anonymously, gay men, that isn’t so easy. So can a baby be brought into the world with having three dads and one mom? I’m sure it’s been done, but it’s very plausable, but will there always be a sense of “indifference” between the gay man and his straight female best friend?

-current mood-CALM

Not a baseball fan, but when I saw this picture....

Okay, so I’m not a big baseball fan. I know the World Series are over (why do they even call it that, if it’s only among teams from the USA?) but I was browsing on “my yahoo” and this picture came up. I had to do a double take, because it’s not one I’d normally see. Being that there is still a lot of stigma toward gay people, especially gay men, I saw this picture and I had to look really close to see what was going on. The caption reads “Chicago White Sox manger Ozzie Guillen, left, gets a kiss from a well-wisher after the White Sox defeated the Houston Astros 1-0 in Game 4 to win the World Series for the first time since 1917, Wednesday, Oct. 26, 2005, in Houston. (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)” A “well-wisher” that person looks like someone on the team. Does anyone know who Ozzie is kissing? Is it someone in his family? Or is it a complete stranger? Nonetheless, I just felt like I had to post this picture.

Quite ironic that there is a picture of Ozzie kissing another man (it IS a man yes, hey you never know) when in August he had an “issue” with some anti-gay comments he’d said. Ozzie stated that he was just joking around with a friend, but based on what he said, I’d be somewhat offended. But he was wrapped up in that controversy, and then a few months later, his full on lips kiss is displayed all over the internet.

Personally, I think it’s great. Maybe Ozzie was enjoying the excitement of winning the World Series and he just got carried away. But when I saw the picture last night, I knew I had to post about it.

-current mood-SO READY for the weekend.

The Mole

Tonight on tv, the grand finale of The Mole is on. For those who are unfamiliar with this show (the states had a celebrity Mole version awhile back) it’s a bunch of people, who do various tasks. With each task, people can earn money for the “kitty.” But the catch is, is that there is someone who is the mole, someone who is purposefully sabotaging the game, so that money isn’t put in toward the kitty for the final prize. Hope that’s a bit of an explanation of the game.

Just when you think you’ve figured out who the mole is, they have the live elimination, and they end up getting booted. The elimination is determined by 5 questions, question in regards to who people think the mole is. Who ever scores the lowest, is eliminated. There are 2 men and one woman left for the grand finale tonight. I’m quite excited in finding out who it is. I had my suspicions, but they ended up getting eliminated each time. I guess I’m not very good at picking out who is the “bad” seed. But I don’t quite remember how the last episode pans out, and how the mole is revealed. But this time, if the mole wins, they get to win the amount of money that they were able to take in sabotaging each and every task they did. I think the mole gets more money than what is in the kitty. I think my favorite part, is when the show goes to show all of the times the mole DID sabatoge the game. And that of course is when we thump our heads and say “of course, I suspected that was mole activity.”

I like these sort of reality shows. I like the reality shows where there is a lot of action and a lot of activities involved. I like it when there is b*tching and fighting among players. I like not knowing what is going to come next. I’m saddened that The Amazing Race isn’t coming here to Australia, not till next year. That’s a game full of action and back stabbing. But it’s an adventure, and it’s one not many people get to experience.

-current mood-ILL, not feeling well.

Writers block

At this very moment, I have writers block. Usually I’m in the spirit of writing and usually have something in mind to write about. But right now, I don’t have anything I want to talk about. I’m not in a funk, I’m not in a bad mood, I just don’t have any desire to write. I’ve seemed to have lost my muse for a brief moment. So let’s talk about not wanting to write eh?

I DO have a list of stuff that I COULD talk about but a part of me doesn’t want to take the time and energy to do so. I wish I had a book of questions, that I could ask myself every day. Usually I’m always thinking and when that happens, it usually always provokes thought and inspiration. I think I’m getting worn down with all of the stress in my life. But usually when I’m the most stressed out, or when I express certain feelings, I’m able to write and write and write. Maybe I’ve exhausted a few of my writing “genes” for the time being. Do people get like that once in awhile? Do people just feel like saying “I don’t want to do this or that?” That’s sort of how I’m feeling right now. And I don’t want to write. But it seems as though I AM writing. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for writing. People usually can’t get me to stop writing or talking, but I just don’t want to write right now. So I’m going to close this blog with a quick goodbye. And I’m sure I’ll be back and ready to roll tomorrow!

-current mood-ANTSY, don't want to write!

Food that I miss from home

For my birthday, I asked my family back in the states to send me some stuff. Australia here has a great range of candy, but there are just some things that I miss immensly. I’ve noticed a few things here. For one thing, peanut butter isn’t really big here. Yes, they sell peanut butter, and have peanuts in their candy, but they don’t have a lot of peanut butter stuff. They brought the new peanut butter kit kats, and have peanut clusters. But what I miss most, are the Reeses Pieces and peanut butter flavored m&m’s. So my mum and my sister both sent me a bag of Reeses Pieces, peanut butter flavored m&m’s, as well as Reeses Pieces with peanuts in them. I’m going to be all “peanutted” out. But my mum did say that eating chocolate helps relieve stress. So I’ve got plenty of it.

Another thing that I miss a lot, is the flavor of cinnamon. Yes, they have cinnamon here but not a lot of cinnamon flavored candy. I don’t think they even have cinnamon flavored gum or tic tacs. One thing I loved back at home, were fireballs. I can remember having them growing up, and I could never hold myself to sucking on one without having to take it out of my mouth at least once. The fireball starts off fine, then the longer it was in my mouth, the more intense it got. I still don’t think I can handle one in my mouth for the whole duration of the candy. But I also like the Jolly Ranchers, fire flavored candies. So I had my sister send me some of them. I’m going to be all “fired” out

Now that Halloween is just next week, well less than a week now..I really miss the Halloween spirit of things. It’s not big here in Australia, and it stinks because I LOVE carving pumpkins. I love carving them, and then roasting the seeds. I think I’ve talked about this before, but you just can’t carve anything here. They don’t have jack-o-lanterns here in Australia. Plus it’s too warm to be Halloween. I have seen a few costumes and “fightening” Halloween decorations, but the truth is, people are already getting ready for Christmas. You go into any store, and they’ll have everything all decked out in Christmas stuff.

I miss David’s Sunflower seeds. They have sunflower seeds here, but they’re just not the same as David’s. Baseball isn’t big here like it is in the states, so what’s the need for sunflower seeds? I asked for some sunflower seeds for my birthday but I didn’t get any. Maybe for my Christmas gift, I’ll get some in there. I’m not quite sure what the standards are in terms of quarantine for sunflower seeds. I think if they’re declared, and NOT opened, they can come through quarantine. I’ve sent myself sunflower seeds before and they were not taken. I just might have to do that again if I don’t get any!

-current mood-HUNGRY for sunflower seeds

Today I am a year older

Today is my birthday. Today is a day that I hope will be the beginning of many years of happy birthdays. Birthdays are supposed to filled with fun and joy. I can remember growing up, how excited I was the night before my birthday. I knew that I’d be getting presents, and that I’d be able to have a party with all my friends. As the years progressed, as I got older, the less fun and happy times my birthdays were. I can remember a birthday (not sure what year it was) where it had to have been the worst ever. My parents were going through some rough times, and my brother was still in the hospital after his accident I believe. My sister was off to college, and it was just my mum and I at home. My dad was supposed to be home for dinner so that we could celebrate my special day. But my dad was far too busy to come home. When my dad DID come home, there was nothing but bickering and arguing between my parents. I remember just going back upstairs to my room, closing my door and I think I went to bed.

Being able to celebrate another birthday with my partner is nice. I’m not able to celebrate it with my family, well my immediate family, but being able to celebrate it with my partner and her family, it makes up for a good day. It’s a pity that there isn’t a way my partner and I could be able to celebrate it with MY family. But I feel like the past few birthdays have been pretty quiet ones. Quiet because my partner works at night, so I’m pretty much stuck on my own on my birthday. I do believe last year though was on a Sunday. But today is Monday and my partner is at work. She was supposed to get this day off, but she switched this day to October 12th, when we went in for our interview.

Even though I am alone tonight on my birthday, it gives me plenty of time to be able to think about just how old I am. Not just in terms of a number, but in mental and emotional capacity. Some people may look at me and think “you’re so not old” others may think “you’re getting up there.” But to me, I don’t feel my age. I feel older than what my birth certificate says. Maybe I feel older because of who I am around, because my partner is 12.5 years older than me, or because I think about what sort of life I’ve lived. I didn’t have a perfect upbringing, and I know that I’ve experienced a lot in the years that I’ve been here on this earth. I’ve pretty much lived ¼ of my life already. Well, that is if I live to the age of at least 100. In one aspect I’d love to live to at least 100, in another aspect, it’ll all depend on just how healthy I am. But we only live once and I’d like to live it as long as I can. But I think about people who are older than me, who have experienced life longer than I have. I get jealous because they seem to be filled with so much life. But then there are those who are younger than me, who still have lived so much more than I have.

I wonder if I’m living my life to the potential that I’m capable of. I’m in my later 20’s and what do I have to show for it? Some may look at me and think “you’re so successful” others may and think “what do you have to show?” I don’t feel like I have much to show. I know I have so many more years ahead of me, and they’re going to be filled with ups and downs. But at the end of the day, I should be happy with what I have accomplished. Another year down, and how many more to go I ask myself.

-current mood-RELAXED, for a change.

Extended family

Today was my birthday celebration with my partner and her side of the family. My partner’s parents are no longer together. They’ve been separated for 4 years I think now, but they fell out of love years and years ago. But now that my partner’s parents both have their own partners, it makes family functions difficult at times. My partner’s dad’s partner wasn’t even going to come this weekend because she has “issues” with my partner’s mum. Personally, I think “it’s one day, no need to have issues.” I think that people should put their own differences aside, for the sake of a family function. We have had a few scenarios with family functions in the past, Christmas was a prime example. First it was my partner’s dad who wouldn’t be anywhere around my partner’s mum’s partner. Now it’s my partner’s dad’s partner not wanting to be around my partner’s mum. Are we confused yet?

Maybe I don’t understand what the whole hype is about, because my parents are still together. I have an uncle who has been married 3 times and just recently got married for the 3rd time. I see how he has to juggle our family with his new wife’s family. But there doesn’t seem to be any anamosity toward anyone. But with my partner’s parents’ partners, they just don’t like to be around the exes. Everyone has a past, and you have to expect it. Doesn’t mean you have to LIKE the person, or get along with them for that matter, but being civil and courteous, I don’t think that’s hard to ask. My partner’s dad’s partner is a bit snooty. I didn’t take to her very well. Maybe the reason being, the first time we met, she pretty much told me I needed to go back to school because I didn’t know an answer to a question she had for me, about percentage of communication. I don’t remember the exact question, but to tell someone she needs to go back to school, after only talking to her for like 5 minutes, I thought it was a bit rude on her part. But I know this woman doesn’t like us really and I think she feels threatened by all of us. So she does everything in her power to make my partner’s dad (her partner) not be around us. We really don’t care if she’s around us or not, because she’s too fake, and it totally shows. Plus we know how much she tries to persuade “dad” to not do things when it comes to family.

I just wish we could all get along. But I know that’s asking too much, now isn’t it? It’s to be expected that, with extended families and broken families, that there is a bit of compromise that needs to be made. But when people don’t want to do just that, that’s when we have a problem. But there were not cat fights or anything today at my party, which was nice. But you could sense some tension still in the air.

-current mood-EXCITED because it's lightening outside