Today I am a year older
Today is my birthday. Today is a day that I hope will be the beginning of many years of happy birthdays. Birthdays are supposed to filled with fun and joy. I can remember growing up, how excited I was the night before my birthday. I knew that I’d be getting presents, and that I’d be able to have a party with all my friends. As the years progressed, as I got older, the less fun and happy times my birthdays were. I can remember a birthday (not sure what year it was) where it had to have been the worst ever. My parents were going through some rough times, and my brother was still in the hospital after his accident I believe. My sister was off to college, and it was just my mum and I at home. My dad was supposed to be home for dinner so that we could celebrate my special day. But my dad was far too busy to come home. When my dad DID come home, there was nothing but bickering and arguing between my parents. I remember just going back upstairs to my room, closing my door and I think I went to bed.
Being able to celebrate another birthday with my partner is nice. I’m not able to celebrate it with my family, well my immediate family, but being able to celebrate it with my partner and her family, it makes up for a good day. It’s a pity that there isn’t a way my partner and I could be able to celebrate it with MY family. But I feel like the past few birthdays have been pretty quiet ones. Quiet because my partner works at night, so I’m pretty much stuck on my own on my birthday. I do believe last year though was on a Sunday. But today is Monday and my partner is at work. She was supposed to get this day off, but she switched this day to October 12th, when we went in for our interview.
Even though I am alone tonight on my birthday, it gives me plenty of time to be able to think about just how old I am. Not just in terms of a number, but in mental and emotional capacity. Some people may look at me and think “you’re so not old” others may think “you’re getting up there.” But to me, I don’t feel my age. I feel older than what my birth certificate says. Maybe I feel older because of who I am around, because my partner is 12.5 years older than me, or because I think about what sort of life I’ve lived. I didn’t have a perfect upbringing, and I know that I’ve experienced a lot in the years that I’ve been here on this earth. I’ve pretty much lived ¼ of my life already. Well, that is if I live to the age of at least 100. In one aspect I’d love to live to at least 100, in another aspect, it’ll all depend on just how healthy I am. But we only live once and I’d like to live it as long as I can. But I think about people who are older than me, who have experienced life longer than I have. I get jealous because they seem to be filled with so much life. But then there are those who are younger than me, who still have lived so much more than I have.
I wonder if I’m living my life to the potential that I’m capable of. I’m in my later 20’s and what do I have to show for it? Some may look at me and think “you’re so successful” others may and think “what do you have to show?” I don’t feel like I have much to show. I know I have so many more years ahead of me, and they’re going to be filled with ups and downs. But at the end of the day, I should be happy with what I have accomplished. Another year down, and how many more to go I ask myself.
-current mood-RELAXED, for a change.
Being able to celebrate another birthday with my partner is nice. I’m not able to celebrate it with my family, well my immediate family, but being able to celebrate it with my partner and her family, it makes up for a good day. It’s a pity that there isn’t a way my partner and I could be able to celebrate it with MY family. But I feel like the past few birthdays have been pretty quiet ones. Quiet because my partner works at night, so I’m pretty much stuck on my own on my birthday. I do believe last year though was on a Sunday. But today is Monday and my partner is at work. She was supposed to get this day off, but she switched this day to October 12th, when we went in for our interview.
Even though I am alone tonight on my birthday, it gives me plenty of time to be able to think about just how old I am. Not just in terms of a number, but in mental and emotional capacity. Some people may look at me and think “you’re so not old” others may think “you’re getting up there.” But to me, I don’t feel my age. I feel older than what my birth certificate says. Maybe I feel older because of who I am around, because my partner is 12.5 years older than me, or because I think about what sort of life I’ve lived. I didn’t have a perfect upbringing, and I know that I’ve experienced a lot in the years that I’ve been here on this earth. I’ve pretty much lived ¼ of my life already. Well, that is if I live to the age of at least 100. In one aspect I’d love to live to at least 100, in another aspect, it’ll all depend on just how healthy I am. But we only live once and I’d like to live it as long as I can. But I think about people who are older than me, who have experienced life longer than I have. I get jealous because they seem to be filled with so much life. But then there are those who are younger than me, who still have lived so much more than I have.
I wonder if I’m living my life to the potential that I’m capable of. I’m in my later 20’s and what do I have to show for it? Some may look at me and think “you’re so successful” others may and think “what do you have to show?” I don’t feel like I have much to show. I know I have so many more years ahead of me, and they’re going to be filled with ups and downs. But at the end of the day, I should be happy with what I have accomplished. Another year down, and how many more to go I ask myself.
-current mood-RELAXED, for a change.
posted by Gaylicious© at Monday, October 24, 2005
2 Comments:
A very, very happy birthday to you from your newest reader. "What do you have to show"?---a great deal, if your writing is any indication. Health, youth, companionship. These are great blessings indeed.
Supper, Happy Birthday!!!! Age is relative. We have so much more to learn and deal with than people did just a hundred years ago. We know more now than many people then even dreamed of.
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