Survivor Guatamala

Yeah, oh yeah Survivor is back. And ladies and gents, so is Stephanie. So many people I talk to (women that is) are so enthralled and overjoyed that she’s back. Yeh I’m happy she’s back (and so is my partner) but I’m not overzealous. Maybe it’s b/c I’m secretly jealous about how hot of a body she has. Secretly I’m wishing my body looked like that. Well, maybe it would if I was on an island for 30 some days and was able to bake and tan at my pleasure One day, in the past, it did look like that. But I’ve hardly seen the sun. But maybe one day in the future, I’ll look like her, minus the face.

Seriously thou, I’m excited about Survivor being back on. And it’s only a few hours after it’s been aired in the states. Usually we’d have to wait a little while before we could see it. Usually I’d cheat and look on the website before it’d air. I know, that’s horrible of me isn’t it?? I can still do that, but I will try my best not to. I am spewing (annoyed) that the Amazing Race isn’t going to be on here in Australia till next year. It starts next week, but by the time its comes to Australian tv, it’ll be over. I guess I can’t have everything.

No one’s really annoyed me yet on Survivor. I know it’s only the first week, but there isn’t anyone who’s utterly annoyed me. Whose, or who’s…which one is it? There are no gay women, which sucks, but I have a suspicion that maybe the red haired bloke might be gay? Or is it just the way he talks? My partner picked him str8 out and said “he’s gotta be gay.” I had thought that myself when I first heard him talk. Why is it, that ppl can tell a guy is gay by the way he talks? I think it’s pretty funny, but it’s not good in terms of stereotyping.

There are few cute girls as well. The one with the blonde hair, that were in little buns, can’t think of her name. She’s got a nice body, and a cute smile. Brooke, the law student reminds me of someone. Haven’t quite pinpointed who, but she’s not bad either.

I felt so bad when Jim was voted out. It’s always the older men (Willard from last season) that seem to get voted out quickest. Thou the winner of last year certainly kept his spot, well duh. But I think maybe the castaways thought Jim was pretty injured, and he didn’t feel well, and the combination of that made them vote him out. He just looked like a really nice guy. You know how when you see elderly people, or elderly couples and you just think “aww how cute?” Well, I woudn’t say a guy was cute, however, Jim just had a soft spot in my heart. I hope his name was Jim.

Next week will be interesting to see how (can’t think of his name ATM) the guy who got the thorns in his shoulder feels. They showed previews for next week, and he seems pretty bad. Bobby John looked pretty bad too when his eyes started rolling to the back of his head. Good thing Margaret is there, the practicing nurse for over 20 years. But 3 of the guys from the yellow tribe went down, none from the other tribe did. Guess that’s the machoism in the guys.

I don’t have a winner picked out just yet. Wouldn’t surprise me if Stephanie got pretty far, but then again, they might want to vote her out b/c this is her 2nd chance at winning a million dollars. I’m going to say that a female is going to win this series. Let’s see how well my guessing game is.

-current mood-RELAXED

Murder in mind?

One of the news headlines this afternoon was that a real estate woman was found strangled in a house that she was supposed to be showing for sale. This happened in the suburb that I live in. My partner saw her picture, and she instantly said “I recognize her.” When we looked up online, she recognized the woman, and the real estate agency this woman had worked for. She had seen her previously in the newspaper, in the real estate section. I kind of got an eerie feeling, knowing that a woman was murdered in the suburb that I live in. The suburb is not very big, probably about 40,000 people I’d say. It’s a pretty small community, and to know someone was murdered last night, it kind of makes me scared, more aware maybe also.

This woman was supposed to show a house around lunch time. Her car wasn’t found until last night sometime. The real estate agency started to get worried when this woman didn’t come back for hours. The ended up finding her car in a golf course parking lot and her body was found in the vacant house of which she was supposed to be showing to someone. This woman left two children, in their 20’s who I could only imagine are totally devistated.

Who was that someone? I don’t know but they’re questioning someone in relevance to the case. But it makes you wonder if the person that was supposed to be at that lunch meeting was the killer, or if it was someone completely different. But you watch movies about how serial killers trap their victims, and use methods to get their victims in vulnerable positions. I could easily see this position as an easy target for a serial killer, or just a killer in general. But it does leave a trailmark, in the aspect that people knew she was supposed to be meeting someone, and I’m sure it’s on record somewhere who she was supposed to meet. But did the person who killed this woman, did they know that they were going to kill her when the meeting was set up? Was there murder in mind when the meeting took place? Was it a ploy to get her alone?

I wonder if real estate agencies are now going to re-evaluate how they do business with people. And not necessarily just with women. Will agents how have to go in pairs, so stuff like this doesn’t happen? Maybe people would think “less” if this woman had met a client at like 5:00 or afterhours, but in the middle of the day, that is what makes the whole situation scary. In broad daylight, this woman’s life could have been taken. And did anyone hear anything, probably not. But knowing that someone got away with taking her life, in the middle of the day, puts a litte more fear into all of us.

I think what makes the situation even more eerie, is the fact that my partner recognized this woman. This woman I don’t believe was from the suburb we live in, but she’s been in the papers numerous times in the real estate section. But it just is a weird feeling, knowing that this woman is now dead. And her murderer is still out there, that makes it even more scary.

It brings me back to a situation that happened in May of 2003. Part of of my job was going out on the streets at night, or afternoon to hand out snacks, and other items, along with referrals to youth to talk about the program we have. We finished early one night, and as I was leaving, I saw a youth that I knew quite well. He’d been an active member in our drop in center, and he had just come back onto the “scene” again. We said our hellos, and I went home. The next day, I get to work, and I find out, that the youth that I had seen the previous night, was now dead. He had been shot in an apartment not far from where I had seen him.

The initial feeling I felt was so surreal. I had just seen him the night before, and now he was gone. All these thoughts came into my head as thou I could have prevented his death, had I talked to him just a little longer, or whatever. I ended up having to talk to the police because I was someone who had seen him before he was killed. I had to describe what he looked like, what he was wearing, how his mood was, and it really scared me. I tried to be strong for the youth that knew him and I ended up having to take a mental health day from work, just because I need to regroup myself. (Note, mental heath day is another word for a sick day, but you’re not really physically sic…lol.) It was just so strange that I had seen this youth one second and the next time I heard about him, he was gone. The person who killed this youth was found guilty and sentenced to like 10 years in prison, not very long for taking a life.

Tonight I will definitely be sleeping with one eye open. Might laugh about it, but it’s a serious matter, and it scares me. I try to be safe, but are we all really safe in the bigger picture??

-current mood-SCARED

Cats and their catboxes

This afternoon, I was in the lounge room just dilly dallyin’ around and all of a sudden Charlie (our cat) comes racing down the hallway, around the lounge, and back down the hallway to the bedroom closet. It was as if lightening had struck her bum and she was running as fast as she could. I got up and started walking down the hallway and I could “smell” that Charlie had had a poo. It was a bomber of one, if I may say so ::smirks:: I walked near the bathroom door, and noticed a piece of fresh poo on the ground. I cleaned it up, and Charlie was still running rampant. Charlie loves to run up and down the hallway, but today she had an extra amount of energy in her step. I’m gathering that it was because she had just taken a huge load off ::winking::

My cat Toby, back in the states is the exact same way. I had a bathroom that was off the bedroom, and his catbox was in the bathroom. Strange place yes, but it’s where Toby has always known his potty to be. We both would go potty at the same time ::laughing lightly:: But every single time Toby would go to the loo, after he’d have a poo, he’d run like crazy around the house. He’d run out of the bathroom, out of my room, into the lounge, over all of the couches, onto the ground, thru the kitchen and to the other lounge room. Without fail, he’d do it…and ironically he’d usually do it every time I got home from work. Toby is very particular about his catbox. If it’s got poos in it, he won’t go in it..he’ll wait until someone cleans it up before he’ll go. He’s a spoiled kitty, but he’s a very clean kitty. I’ve never had any problems with him going to the bathroom where he isn’t supposed to. He’ll throw up because he eats the plants, but he’s never had a problem going poo. Even in the cat carrier, he went to the bathroom in the cat carrier, I think it was because I quickly put him in there to go to the vet, and I didn’t take him to the loo. But he went potty, and amazingly didn’t get a single bit of fecal matter on him. He’s such a clean baby :::awww::

But why do cats do this? These two cats are the only cats I know of that run crazy after having a poo. Do other cats do this, or is there just something in my care that makes them do this? I get a kick out of it, and it’s even better when the cats growl as they’re running around the house. Charlie growls more so than Toby, but it’s not a mean growl..it’s more of an “excited, look at me” kind of growl. I can’t help but laugh when ever this happens. If I only knew what they were thinking as they were running wild.

-current mood- GOOFY

Where do I go from here??

Every few days or so, I’ll be busy doing something and suddenly my mind will fall back on my career. I have not been working since January, thou not because I don’t want to or I got fired. I can’t work because I’m on a tourist visa, and that only enables me to do things a tourist should do. I’m not even allowed to volunteer, I tried looking down that avenue. I could have taken a course, but if it was more than 3 weeks, I would have had to go in for an x-ray, something that costs money. So I pretty much decided that I was just going to lay low and be a “tourist.”

But all these months I haven’t been working, I’ve been busy contemplating what it is I want to do with my life. One of the positive things I think about with this move, is that it was a good point in my life where if I wanted to change careers I could. When I was living back in the states, I was doing social work. I volunteered while finishing my studies at a women’s sexual assault center. It gave me a glimpse of a field of work that I may have been interested in. I volunteered my time on the crisis lines, and even thou it was only one shift a week, it gave me insight to some powerful stuff.

After my 10 month hiatus in Australia between 2001 and 2002, I came back to start working. I got a job working for a drop in center for homeless, runaway and at risk youth as a street outreach worker. I worked there for 2 years, and thou those 2 years were great for me, leaving the job left me wondering. Wondering whether social work was something I was made to do, or that I was comfortable doing. During my 2 years at this organization, I consciously and subconsciously struggled with knowing whether I was cut out for this line of work. At the end of my job, I realized that maybe working with homeless youth wasn’t my thing. I realized that I wanted to work with people who wanted help, who maybe were more functioning? No, functioning isn’t the word, more motivated, sounds more accurate.

I met a lot of great youth, learned a lot of things about them, and about myself, and one of those things was, the realization that maybe social work wasn’t my line of work. And it scared me, knowing that this realization had surfaced. I was scared because for so much of my life, I knew I wanted to help people out. Psychology was just a basic degree, I wanted to go back to graduate school to get my masters in social work, that way I’d be able work in the field of psychology, but not have to actually get a doctorate. But after the turmoil that I faced while working at this organization for 2 years, all of that has now gone down the drain.

Since leaving the states, I have had a lot of time on my hands to decide what it is I want to do with my life. And the truth of the matter is, it scares me because I’m not so sure anymore. And in truth, I’m beginning to think maybe I want to do something completely different. I still would like to help people, but maybe not in the social services aspect. I know that I want to go back to school, but for what, it is unknown. I know that I’m going to have to go back into the work force, work a few years and then maybe go back to school part time, while still working. But the education system here in Australia is different than in the states. What I have earned at home, it doesn’t carry the same weight as it would here. But companies will see that I have an education, where it comes from, and I hope that prospective job offers will give me the chance to prove myself. But if I do further my education, what will it be in?

Because of how much has been involved in the immigration process for me to migrate here in Australia, immigration law has really perked my interest. But do I have what it takes to go back to law school, and eventually be able to practice law? Or is immigration law just something that really interests me? I’m fascinated with the immigration system, and how it all works and I think I could study this field if I wanted to. But I’m not getting any younger. People may say that I’m still young because I’m in my 20’s. But I’m sure I’ll be 30 at least, before I go back to school. And if I do go back to school, will I be able to handle it? The system is different here, some people have said the education is harder, while others say it’s easier. Schooling never came easy for me. Even thou I was 2nd in my class, it was never an easy task. College back in the states, that was a constant struggle for me, but I managed okay. Will I be able to manage it here in Australia. I don’t know, and it constantly bites at my inner conscience when I think about it.

I really am fearful that I’m not going to be successful in my life. My partner and I are simple people, we enjoy the simple pleasures. But for me as a person, what job I do, and how successful I am in this job, that is really important to me. Now that I’m here in Australia, I want to get established in my life and my career. But even before I’m able to, I’m afraid of already failing. Failing is not an option for me, and I know that what ever it is I do, my partner will be happy. But will I be happy?

It’s hard enough for Aussies by birth to find work in their own country, how hard is it going to be for me, a foreigner? It’s fortunate that I’m fluent in English, and I have some skills, but is it going to be enough? I know I put too much strain on my life and the expectations I put on myself, but I can’t see myself doing it any other way. The strain I put on myself, it’s what makes me strive to be even better. I know we only live once (well in my books we do) and I want to make the best I can out of this one life I’ve been given. Will I succeed or will I fail, I think about it constantly. I can’t see myself doing retail or telemarketing for the rest of my life. It’s not that I believe I’m better than that line of work, I just know I would not be happy at all doing that work for 20-30 years. But really, what will make me happy, will there be a job out there that will be something I’m truly meant for. I guess only time will tell.

-current mood-UNSURE about my future.

Sims2 Nightlife

In just a few days, the Sim2 Nightlife will be available to purchase. I know here in Australia, we have to wait till the 19th for it to be available. I am a fan of the game, both original Sims and Sims2. With the original sims games, I have all of the expansion packs. But then as soon as the Sims2 came out, and I received it for Christmas, poor Sims went on the back burner. The Sims2 is a pretty cool game, a lot of different things you can do. I think I have more fun building houses and making up players, than actually playing the game. I have Sims2 and the first expansion pack, Sims2 University. I remember when the game just came out and I wanted nothing more to do than play my sims2 game. But it too, has been put on the back burner. I get a kick out of my sims characters farting and burping…green smoke comes out of their bums when they fart..lol The great things about Sims2, is the fact that there is homosexuality and bisexuality. Sims characters can get married (male/female) or joined (male/male or female/female). If you really want to get indepth, there are hacks to allow same sex marriage, and same sex parents have offspring of their own.

Sims2 Nightlife, is all about socialization and meeting potential new friends and loves throughout the neighborhood. For entertainment there are nightclubs, restaurants, casinos, lounges, and a retro chic bowling alley. All of which are perfect for making friends or meeting a new love. "Nightlife" will come with new datable NPCs. Plus there is a new aspiration, where in the Sims2 I think there are 6 already. And even more exciting, I think we have the capability of making our sims characters vampires. We already can make them aliens, vampires adds a whole new element. But one thing different, is the dating scene. In Sims2, people are able to get together, pending their star signs and compatibility. But I guess with Sims2 Nightlife, there is a “rating.” This is like party ratings in the Sims2 games. You throw a party, and at the end of the party, you get a rating with how successful or not, the party was. I guess this goes with how well your date goes. AND, sims characters can have their own cars. There are like 5 different types, and you can choose which kind you’d like to have.

I’m pretty excited about the game, but I probably won’t get it till it’s been out for a little while. It seems like every time a new game comes out, there are always installing problems or other problems. Plus, I think we need a more powerful computer. I think once I start working, I’ll buy a computer with a lot more ram and a lot more power. Looking at the screenshots thou, it does look like an interesting game.

Wonder if there are any simmers out there reading my blogs??

-current mood-EXCITED for the new game to arrive.

9/11 Anniversary....a day late

In today’s newspaper, it was brought to the attention of the Australian public that someone in a taping targeted Los Angeles and Melbourne as potential places for a terrorist attack. This of course was “revealed” on the 4th anniversary of 9/11 happening. The government here in Victoria says that the main reason for this tape is a scare tactic, and that they won’t raise the terrorist alert. Even if they DID raise the terrorist alert, how could any of us possibly be prepared for what may happen? Sure the government can “up” the security for events such as Aussie Footy Final, Melbourne Cup, or even the Commonwealth games next year in Melbourne, but why would someone target an event that they knew security was going to be stiff anyway? In a way, listening to the tape put a glimpse of worry into my mind. But at the same time, I know that I can’t live in fear for something that may or may not happen.

4 years ago, when 9/11 happened, I was here in Australia. I remember vaguely that my partner had to get up for work. This is when she was working dayshift, so getting up at 5:30am was her ritual. I don’t remember whether I heard the alarm clock go off or not. I don’t remember whether I heard the news first on the radio, or if my partner had come in from her shower to tell me. I do remember when I heard it for the first time, I was in complete shock. It didn’t quite catch on to me, that something this horrific had happened. By the time we heard the news, all three areas (NY, Petagon, and Pennsylvania) had all been hit. As soon as I heard the news, I got out of bed, turned on the tv and every single channel had news about what had happened. The footage that people had taken completely took me by surprised. I was taken aback, for it seemed so surreal. It really felt like we were watching a movie. Still to this day, every time I watch footage from 9/11, I get a surreal chill that crawls down my spine.

Immediately after the shock turned into reality, I immediately rang my mum. Even thou I’m from the opposite side of the United States that this horrific act happened, I was worried about my parents. She told me that they had a lockdown at some schools. I don’t believe she went to school, because all of this happened before she was up. But my mum was so worried about me, strangely enough. I remember her telling me that if things got worse, that I was to come home. I was not a very happy camper, because I didn’t want to go home. I felt like I would be safer all the way here in Australia, than back in the states. But I could understand how my mum wanted me back with her, close to her, just in case anything happened.

Coverage went on for hours and hours, days and days, and no matter how much we watched, it didn’t seem like we could get enough of what was going on. What drove people to do such a horrible act? How many lives have been forever changed because of this one day? What was behind the act, was it George Bush, or his father even? Everyone speculated what would have caused a group of people to do this. Some people wondered had Al Gore been put into office instead of George Bush, would this have happened? We don’t know, and by now, it’s not something we care. But thinking back to how George Bush handled the situation once he found out the WTC had been hit, I can NOT imagine what was going thru his mind. He would have been a complete wreck. Chaos was happening all over, and it went on for months and months. So many lives were lost, and for what? Why we ask ourselves? It still baffles me about what happened, and even thou I wasn’t directly affected, nor was I even in the country when this occurred, to me, it counts as one, if not THEE saddest day in world history.

So a day late, a moment of silence…….my thoughts go out to all those who have been affected by 9/11.

-current mood-SILENT, remembering those who died in 9/11.

Pathenogenesis

In yesterday’s newspaper, there was a small article about an embryo that had been conceived by two mothers. From the same people who cloned Dolly the sheep, I believe in the UK, scientists have devised up this new idea, called pathenogenesis. Pathenogenesis is Greek for “virgin conception.” This is where eggs are created without sperm or any outside genetic factors making the eggs exact replicas of the women who donated the eggs. This technique involves “tricking” eggs into dividing by using a shock of electricity to mimic the effect of being fertilized by a sperm.

When I first read the article I thought “how cool would that be?” There are a lot of lesbian couples who would probably love this idea. Granted it would cost a lot of money, but it’d be money that they’d be able to put toward something they wanted. Lesbian couples complain that they have to go to a sperm donor, and some wish that there wasn’t any male involvement when it comes to conception. This idea would be great for this kind of thing. Unfortunately thou, the child would not have genetic resemblances of both mothers, only the egg that has already been fertilized would the child get the genetic make up. In essence, one egg is being the “host” of the fertilized egg. At least that is the idea I got from reading the articles.

I think if I chose to have a kid, and this option was available, I’d surely take it. And then there would be no legal battle (hopefully) with who the father would be, b/c there literally wouldn’t be one. I’m a firm believer in the fact that a child doesn’t need a male figure in their life to grow up “successfully” what ever that means. People sometimes have this idea that there NEEDS to be a father figure, hence why lesbian adoption is so controversial in some places. But I think if the parent or parents are able to give love and be able to nurture their child, why does there need to be a male influence? Isn’t it about who the parent or parents care for the child, not the matter of what gender the parent is? A bit off the subject here..but I could see a lot of lesbian couples, even just single women being in favor of this idea. But it’s bad enough here in Australia how much controversy there is with lesbians and single women wanting to do IVF. But I won’t go into details about that.

In today’s newspaper there was a larger article, and it stated that the main purpose of this scientific idea would be to be a “replacement” for human cloning. So it makes me wonder why under the heading of the article, it stated “producing without sperm controversy” But this idea would go a step further than stem cell research, and this would be another avenue for women who suffer from various diseases would be able to “produce” healthy cells, if you may. They haven’t done research on sperm cells, but scientists are hoping that if this is a successful idea, sperm cell research will come into affect next and both men and women would be able to produce healthy cells to help their bodies fight off what ever battles they are being faced with.

How nice would it be, if a scientific idea such as this would be able to help a lot of people. There is always going to be controversy around anything revolving around cloning of humans, whether it be cells, or an actual human being. But if this is something that can prolong the health of so many people, why not do it? There are so many diseases that are both terminal and not, and so many people are hurting, either by the disease themselves, or a family member or loved one. Prolonging one’s life doesn’t guarantee blissful happiness, but to give someone the chance to live an extra 5-10 years, what harm is in that?

-current mood-RELAXED