Home sick

This is very unlike me, posting more than one post a day. However, recent feelings and current mood has made me realize one thing. I miss home, I miss my life as it was. When I miss home, I like to reminsce about life as it used to be. I like to think of how less stressed I was, and just how different my life was.

I sit here, with "Chasing cars" playing in the background, listening to the lyrics. The first time I heard the song, I cried, and cried. Of course, it was when Grey's Anatomy's season finale had just finished but i was in a soppy mood. Now every time I hear the song, I think about the music clip, think about how I felt the first time I heard the song, and what exactly was going through my mind. ::big sigh::

I won't lie to anyone when they ask me if I miss home. I can still remember breaking down in tears the trip from the airport when I arrived September 12, 2004. I was a complete wreck. Even though I was excited about being back in the arms of my lover, I was completely overwhelmed with what I had left behind. I can remember clear as day, mum crying and me trying not to see her cry. My friends, Lisa and Jodi (bless their hearts) waited till I walked through the gates. Jodi was trying to console my mother, and my mum crying.

As I sit here, tears run down my face (I'm not afraid to express my feelings), I just want to be back home. I want to be with my family, my friends, common ground. I want to laugh and joke like I used to. I want to be happy. I am finding it hard to be happy because I miss home so much.

Before I left, I kept telling myself that I wouldn't miss my family and friends that much. Not because I didn't care about them, I just didn't think that this distance would actually have an impact on me. But it has impacted me tremendously. The reality that I wouldn't be home for a couple of years, it hurt. I hurt because I knew that my parents were going through a rough time, and I was just leaving them at a bad time. I was leaving and I knew I wasn't going to be able to cry on my mum's shoulder. Who was going to help me through the rough times? Who was going to give me words of wisdom?

It's amazing at how much you miss someone, or something, when it's no longer in your grasp. Even though my parents are a phone call away, I hate talking on the phone with them. It's so impersonal, and just isn't the same. If I didn't hate talking on the phone so much, I probably would call them more often. But there shouldn't be anything stopping them from ringing me.

I'm just sad...sad sad sad. Sad that I am so far away from the life I'm so confortable with. Sad that I can't just go over to my friends house to cry on their shoulder. Sad that I can't close my eyes, and have my mum sitting next to me to comfort me. Sad that I don't think my partner has ANY idea of how much I sacrificed to be with her. I'm just a sad little girl, who wants nothing more than to be home.

Picture

I have been catching up with a lot of people back from the ol' high school days. And as many years can go by quickly, so can one's appearance ::snickers:: I'm not keen on providing pictures of myself and/or my partner. However, I have conferred with the partner, and she's agreed to one pic.

So for those who have NO idea what I look like, you'll be able to get a glimpse of who's behind all of the blogging.

And for those who haven't seen me since high school, well I'm not the long haired girly girl I was back then. But as I think about it, I don't think I ever was a girly girl. ::snickers::

Now, now that I have presented pics...please no crude comments. I know we're not all that and a bag of chips, but who is REALLY??? Okay, okay, I know there are beauties out there, but frankly we're just two ordinary people, nothing more, nothing less. ::grinning:: The point of showing pictures, is so you get an idea of who you're talking to. I'm not looking to be rated, that's way outdated and way elementary!!

http://www.myspace.com/gaylicious

My Quarterly performance review

Without giving TOO much away about my work (just b/c I don't know who's reading this, and my sis told me to be careful what I write) I'd just like to point out that quarterly performance review went surprisingly well. I'm quite happy at the moment, for the simple fact, I've been stressing LIKE MAD about my job.

But to make a long story short, my manager advised me that people feel as though I'm an asset to the company, they understand how much under the pump I'm at right now, and being at this job for only 9 months, they think I've been coping pretty well.

I'm stressing about my work load for when I'm away, and I talked about it today with my manager. Even though things are not going to get any easier, there may be a little light at the end of the tunnel. Just in terms of the short term action plan. I can still see myself stressing A LOT, but I feel like after our meeting, I felt like I was an asset and appreciated for what I've been doing. My manager told me that there are things that need to be recognized, that don't always get expressed, and maybe performance review time is that time to express that.

I felt like throwing in the towel a few days ago, but now I feel like I'm going to be okay. Don't hold your breath thou, that I won't be whinging about something else. But my managers see potential in me, and they wouldn't give me the work they have, the work load they have, if they didn't have confidence in me. My partner tried to tell me this over and over, but sometimes it has to be heard by management. I'm secretly afraid of getting fired, and after today's conversation, I don't think that'll happen anytime soon.

So I think I'll sleep well tonight. ::crossing my fingers::

Cost of Limes

Last night, my partner and I went to the grocery store to pick up some last minute stuff for today's bbq. (For those NON-Melbournians, we had today off due to the Melbourne Cup. YES, we do get a day off because of a horse race). I was busy getting my list of items, my partner got the things she needed.

I went to the cashier, he was busy ringing up my groceries. When he told me the total, it was over $50.00. I looked at him and said "what?" Evidently, the limes, were $19.95 each. I was like "no way that's a mistake." He tried again, and I guess they were $19.95 per kg. I still was flabbergasted, and thought to myself "I don't think I want these as much as I thought."

Can you believe it, $19.95 for a couple of limes. I didn't think limes were hard to come by these days. I wanted to make a salad, and it needed lime juice. I told myself I'd just use lemon juice. It won't taste the same, but I wasn't about to spend that much money on some silly fruit. I'm secretly laughing right now, because I dropped a lime, so there goes $19.95 down the drain ::snickers::