Home sick
This is very unlike me, posting more than one post a day. However, recent feelings and current mood has made me realize one thing. I miss home, I miss my life as it was. When I miss home, I like to reminsce about life as it used to be. I like to think of how less stressed I was, and just how different my life was.
I sit here, with "Chasing cars" playing in the background, listening to the lyrics. The first time I heard the song, I cried, and cried. Of course, it was when Grey's Anatomy's season finale had just finished but i was in a soppy mood. Now every time I hear the song, I think about the music clip, think about how I felt the first time I heard the song, and what exactly was going through my mind. ::big sigh::
I won't lie to anyone when they ask me if I miss home. I can still remember breaking down in tears the trip from the airport when I arrived September 12, 2004. I was a complete wreck. Even though I was excited about being back in the arms of my lover, I was completely overwhelmed with what I had left behind. I can remember clear as day, mum crying and me trying not to see her cry. My friends, Lisa and Jodi (bless their hearts) waited till I walked through the gates. Jodi was trying to console my mother, and my mum crying.
As I sit here, tears run down my face (I'm not afraid to express my feelings), I just want to be back home. I want to be with my family, my friends, common ground. I want to laugh and joke like I used to. I want to be happy. I am finding it hard to be happy because I miss home so much.
Before I left, I kept telling myself that I wouldn't miss my family and friends that much. Not because I didn't care about them, I just didn't think that this distance would actually have an impact on me. But it has impacted me tremendously. The reality that I wouldn't be home for a couple of years, it hurt. I hurt because I knew that my parents were going through a rough time, and I was just leaving them at a bad time. I was leaving and I knew I wasn't going to be able to cry on my mum's shoulder. Who was going to help me through the rough times? Who was going to give me words of wisdom?
It's amazing at how much you miss someone, or something, when it's no longer in your grasp. Even though my parents are a phone call away, I hate talking on the phone with them. It's so impersonal, and just isn't the same. If I didn't hate talking on the phone so much, I probably would call them more often. But there shouldn't be anything stopping them from ringing me.
I'm just sad...sad sad sad. Sad that I am so far away from the life I'm so confortable with. Sad that I can't just go over to my friends house to cry on their shoulder. Sad that I can't close my eyes, and have my mum sitting next to me to comfort me. Sad that I don't think my partner has ANY idea of how much I sacrificed to be with her. I'm just a sad little girl, who wants nothing more than to be home.
I sit here, with "Chasing cars" playing in the background, listening to the lyrics. The first time I heard the song, I cried, and cried. Of course, it was when Grey's Anatomy's season finale had just finished but i was in a soppy mood. Now every time I hear the song, I think about the music clip, think about how I felt the first time I heard the song, and what exactly was going through my mind. ::big sigh::
I won't lie to anyone when they ask me if I miss home. I can still remember breaking down in tears the trip from the airport when I arrived September 12, 2004. I was a complete wreck. Even though I was excited about being back in the arms of my lover, I was completely overwhelmed with what I had left behind. I can remember clear as day, mum crying and me trying not to see her cry. My friends, Lisa and Jodi (bless their hearts) waited till I walked through the gates. Jodi was trying to console my mother, and my mum crying.
As I sit here, tears run down my face (I'm not afraid to express my feelings), I just want to be back home. I want to be with my family, my friends, common ground. I want to laugh and joke like I used to. I want to be happy. I am finding it hard to be happy because I miss home so much.
Before I left, I kept telling myself that I wouldn't miss my family and friends that much. Not because I didn't care about them, I just didn't think that this distance would actually have an impact on me. But it has impacted me tremendously. The reality that I wouldn't be home for a couple of years, it hurt. I hurt because I knew that my parents were going through a rough time, and I was just leaving them at a bad time. I was leaving and I knew I wasn't going to be able to cry on my mum's shoulder. Who was going to help me through the rough times? Who was going to give me words of wisdom?
It's amazing at how much you miss someone, or something, when it's no longer in your grasp. Even though my parents are a phone call away, I hate talking on the phone with them. It's so impersonal, and just isn't the same. If I didn't hate talking on the phone so much, I probably would call them more often. But there shouldn't be anything stopping them from ringing me.
I'm just sad...sad sad sad. Sad that I am so far away from the life I'm so confortable with. Sad that I can't just go over to my friends house to cry on their shoulder. Sad that I can't close my eyes, and have my mum sitting next to me to comfort me. Sad that I don't think my partner has ANY idea of how much I sacrificed to be with her. I'm just a sad little girl, who wants nothing more than to be home.
posted by Gaylicious© at Saturday, November 11, 2006
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