Perspective of age
As my birthday approaches (no this isn't my plug to advertise my upcoming birthday) I can't help but think about my age, and more importantly, how things have changed in the last 10 years. I say the last 10 years, because my 10 year class reunion will be coming up this upcoming summer. Unfortunately I will not be attending this joyous occassion ::smirks) but the more people I find on myspace, the more I think about everyone I grew up with, and just how different we all have become.
I look at myself, my age, and how I have progressed thus far in life. I think about how my sister has progressed, and my co-workers. I look at myself, being almost 28, and I think I haven't got anything to speak for. I am not some world famous person, nor do I believe I have made any impact in anyone's life. Of course, people who know me, may raise their hand in protest. But I haven't made a mark in this world yet. I'm almost 28, and even though I finished high school, and have a basic 4 year university degree, do I have anything to show for it? I haven't bought my first new car (many people my age may have at this time. I haven't bought a new house. I don't have kids. And truthfully, I wouldn't say I have a successful career.
I feel like I'm barely getting my life together. I still feel naive in a lot of ways, and feel very sheltered. As for why, ::shrugs shoulders:: I can't give a definite reason as to why I believe this. I wouldn't identify myself as immature, I do believe I've always been mature for my age. Maybe it's why I've always gotten along better with older women. My partner is considerably older, and I get along great with her family. But at times, I feel so unproductive.
I think back, to when I was 17, and fell in love with a woman. She was 25, and I thought she was the best thing in the world. When I think about how naive and immature I was, I think about how I looked up to her, and thought "wow, 25, she's so old and has it so together." When I was 25, I was nothing like her, in terms of being "together." At almost 28, I still don't think I have it together. I honestly don't know when that light will come on in my head and I'll realize "I'm together."
If I feel this way at 28, how much longer will I feel this way? Do I feel this way, because I'm always secretly comparing myself to the rest of the world? I know I shouldn't compare...but pressures in my own life (past and present) I feel like I have something to prove. Even though I feel this way, I'm happy with my life. But I also feel like there's something missing in it. I know I have to stop comparing myself to others, and realize that I am my own person. I DO know I am my own person, but I always feel like I should be someone else. Or like someone else.
Age is a funny thing, and the older I get, the more I feel like I'm losing control of my life.
I look at myself, my age, and how I have progressed thus far in life. I think about how my sister has progressed, and my co-workers. I look at myself, being almost 28, and I think I haven't got anything to speak for. I am not some world famous person, nor do I believe I have made any impact in anyone's life. Of course, people who know me, may raise their hand in protest. But I haven't made a mark in this world yet. I'm almost 28, and even though I finished high school, and have a basic 4 year university degree, do I have anything to show for it? I haven't bought my first new car (many people my age may have at this time. I haven't bought a new house. I don't have kids. And truthfully, I wouldn't say I have a successful career.
I feel like I'm barely getting my life together. I still feel naive in a lot of ways, and feel very sheltered. As for why, ::shrugs shoulders:: I can't give a definite reason as to why I believe this. I wouldn't identify myself as immature, I do believe I've always been mature for my age. Maybe it's why I've always gotten along better with older women. My partner is considerably older, and I get along great with her family. But at times, I feel so unproductive.
I think back, to when I was 17, and fell in love with a woman. She was 25, and I thought she was the best thing in the world. When I think about how naive and immature I was, I think about how I looked up to her, and thought "wow, 25, she's so old and has it so together." When I was 25, I was nothing like her, in terms of being "together." At almost 28, I still don't think I have it together. I honestly don't know when that light will come on in my head and I'll realize "I'm together."
If I feel this way at 28, how much longer will I feel this way? Do I feel this way, because I'm always secretly comparing myself to the rest of the world? I know I shouldn't compare...but pressures in my own life (past and present) I feel like I have something to prove. Even though I feel this way, I'm happy with my life. But I also feel like there's something missing in it. I know I have to stop comparing myself to others, and realize that I am my own person. I DO know I am my own person, but I always feel like I should be someone else. Or like someone else.
Age is a funny thing, and the older I get, the more I feel like I'm losing control of my life.
posted by Gaylicious© at Saturday, October 14, 2006
3 Comments:
*smirk* face it...you're old!
Life is what you make it, no more, no less. The only person to judge whether you are where you should be is you. My philosophy is if you are happy and enjoying life, then you are more successful than most.
That's my deep thought for a Monday.
I know exactly what you mean. My mother was dealing with a 7yo by the time she was my age and I feel like my life hasn't even started. People aske me if I want kids and I can't imagine that right now. I totally feel that 30 is the new 20.
Sunshine
Not as old as you Rip...lol.
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