Unable to leave
For the past 3 months or so, my job has had a lot of resignations. Resignations from people I didn't know that well, and resignations from people I will miss dearly. Some people left because they couldn't handle the pressures, other people left because they had better things to do..like travel (lucky buggers!!) But at the end of the day, there has been an influx of unhappy people I believe. However I can't speak for everyone who's left.
I myself am very unhappy. Not unhappy because of the people I work with (you honestly couldn't have a better group of people to work with) but unhappy with myself and with the expectations I put on myself. I know I expect too much of myself and of the work I do. And it stresses me out. Stresses me out to where my neck and back hurt. Stresses me out to where I still make lists in the middle of the night. Stresses me out to where I constantly think about work. You shouldn't have to worry about taking a day off, because of what you'll come back to. You shouldn't have to take only a 1/2 hour lunch, because there is just too much to do. But I'm that exact person.
And when people leave work, for good..(and I really enjoyed their company,) it makes me sad. It makes me even more unhappy, and more inclined to just throw the towel in. I'm usually a happy go lucky person..but lately, I haven't been feeling that way. In truth, since I came back from my holidays back in the States, I haven't felt the same. I don't know if it's a combination of work, of missing my family and friends back at home, or both. What I DO know thou...is I don't know how much more I can take. I've tried to give it a go, and tried to hang it out. But my hand is on the door handle, and my foot is out the door. I just can't make myself actually leave. I feel too guilty about leaving. If I left right now, my team would be absolutely in shambles. And that's not because of the wonderful work I do ::laughing lightly:: It's because of how many people have left my team recently.
I feel like I'm unable to leave...also due to not having another job lined up. But I feel inclined to stay. One major reason I DO stay, is because of the great friendships I have made with people. It was hard for me to come to a different country and start my friendships all over again. But I've made some genuine friends, and I fear that if and when I DO leave, I will lose contact. The friendships I've made, has kept me somewhat sane. But there comes a time in everyone's life, where you just have to tell yourself "self, your health and well being is more important." And I'm trying to tell myself that every day.
I myself am very unhappy. Not unhappy because of the people I work with (you honestly couldn't have a better group of people to work with) but unhappy with myself and with the expectations I put on myself. I know I expect too much of myself and of the work I do. And it stresses me out. Stresses me out to where my neck and back hurt. Stresses me out to where I still make lists in the middle of the night. Stresses me out to where I constantly think about work. You shouldn't have to worry about taking a day off, because of what you'll come back to. You shouldn't have to take only a 1/2 hour lunch, because there is just too much to do. But I'm that exact person.
And when people leave work, for good..(and I really enjoyed their company,) it makes me sad. It makes me even more unhappy, and more inclined to just throw the towel in. I'm usually a happy go lucky person..but lately, I haven't been feeling that way. In truth, since I came back from my holidays back in the States, I haven't felt the same. I don't know if it's a combination of work, of missing my family and friends back at home, or both. What I DO know thou...is I don't know how much more I can take. I've tried to give it a go, and tried to hang it out. But my hand is on the door handle, and my foot is out the door. I just can't make myself actually leave. I feel too guilty about leaving. If I left right now, my team would be absolutely in shambles. And that's not because of the wonderful work I do ::laughing lightly:: It's because of how many people have left my team recently.
I feel like I'm unable to leave...also due to not having another job lined up. But I feel inclined to stay. One major reason I DO stay, is because of the great friendships I have made with people. It was hard for me to come to a different country and start my friendships all over again. But I've made some genuine friends, and I fear that if and when I DO leave, I will lose contact. The friendships I've made, has kept me somewhat sane. But there comes a time in everyone's life, where you just have to tell yourself "self, your health and well being is more important." And I'm trying to tell myself that every day.
posted by Gaylicious© at Monday, May 21, 2007
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