AFL Grand Final

Today is AFL Grand final day. For those who are unfamiliar with AFL (Aussie Footy League) it is the equivalent to the US Super Bowl. The Sydney Swans and the West Coast Eagles are “vying” for the coveted title of premiereship champions. Unfortunately for us Victorians, there are not any local teams in the final. My partner’s family barracks for the Western Bulldogs. I of course don’t have a favorite time, not yet at the moment.

I remember when I first came to Australia to visit and I watched Aussie footy, it didn’t interest me at all. Everything seemed so different to the “gridiron” I was used to. My partner calls it “pansy footy” because our players wear shoulder pads. There will be an agreement on our disagreements with US football. But this season I got more into the sport. I think maybe because my partner and I had footy tips this season, it makes the game more interesting. I do miss college football (go DUCKS!!) but this AFL grand final should be an interesting event.

The game hasn’t started yet but there is plenty of entertainment on the tv for the pre-game show. One interesting difference, is that commercials don’t cost millions of dollars to run. Well, at least I haven’t seen any. For the AFL grand final, it seems more about the sport, than about making money. Thou I’m sure tickets cost a bit of money. Maybe one day I’ll be able to go to a grand final, but for now, I’ll be having my eyes glued to the tv.

-current mood-PUMPED for the game

Ipods and mp3 players

In yesterday’s newspaper, there was an article about Ipods and mp3 players. In the article, it explained how so many people now have Ipods, and with the new Ipod Nano now on the market, just how popular these little electronic mechanisms have become in the past year or two. It’s great, people can listen to thousands of songs at their own leisure. It’s really come a long way from cassette players and personal cd players. But the article also mentioned the fact, that there isn’t a place here in Australia, that legally allows people to buy downloaded music. I believe in the states, you can download and buy music off the internet using apple’s homepage. But there isn’t such a thing here in Australia. So why are Ipods being sold? Why are mp3 players being sold? Why are mobile phones with mp3 players being sold? Why are these items being sold, if ultimately there isn’t a way that we can use them legally?? There was talk about how people were not being sued individually, but the word was YET. How can people possibly think about sueing someone for putting their own music on a gadget that is being sold?

I understand the hype of how in the states 10 year old girls are being sued for downloading nursery rhyme songs. I know that wasn’t what she was downloading, but she was being sued. I mean c’mon, how much rubbish is that? I believe if music companies didn’t sell their cds and tapes for so much money, people wouldn’t want to be downloading them illegally. Artists can make enough money on their own with ticket sales. Downing the price for a cd, I reckon more people who be less apt to be downloading the songs illegally. Is this ever going to be resolved?

But that is beside the point here….if I buy myself an Ipod or an mp3 player, if I download the songs from MY OWN cds, that I PURCHASED, why can’t I listen to them? I asked my partner this, and she mentioned something about how part of the copyright laws is that the music can’t be distributed. She said that if she played her music and the neighbors heard it, that would be against the law. I think that is a bit far fetched. But she said her work has to have permission to play music, and other venues probably do as well. But it makes no sense. If I’ve bought the music, it’s now mine. Just as long as I’m using it for my own pleasure, why does it matter? I think back to when I was working at the drop in center for youth. We let them play their music all the time, were we breaching copyright laws because other people were listening to the music? We were not distributing the music for any form of profit, nor would that happen if I had put my own music on an mp3 player or Ipod.

I have a minidisc player that is a few years old. You can hold up to 70 songs I believe on one minidisc. I have put my own music on there to listen to. I used to listen to it to and from when I went to university. My bus ride was a good 30 minutes long, plus it was about a 10-15 minute walk to and from the bus stop. So was I breaching copyright laws there? It just makes no sense. Why are things like this being sold then, if we can’t find a way to use it? How are people going to know that someone has downloaded music onto their gadget illegally? What if people went to the apple website from the states? Would it still be considered illegal since they are USA laws, and not Australian law? The website would still be taking our money. Are they going to have “snitches” out on the streets and every time they see someone with an Ipod, are they going to ask them where they got their music, if they paid for the music? And because they’re listening to it in public, it’s breaching copyright laws?

It’s all bloody RUBBISH if you ask me.

-current mood-EDGY

Karma, is it behind all of this?

Talking with people the past few days, many have said “fate will step in,” “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be,” “what ever happens it was meant to happen” or anything alone those sort of lines. And I have been trying to wrap my head around these ideas. Why would God have us meet, have us embark on a relationship for as long as we have, to have us only end up sad and alone? God has thrown so many obstacles in our path of us being together, and we have been able to overcome all of them. We’ve both been stressed out, we’ve both cried and gotten upset. But in the end, we have made it thus far. So why would God pull this curve ball on us? When we’re so close to the final prize?

In digging deeper into my thoughts and why this is happening to us, the idea of karma came to mind. The famous saying “what goes around, comes around.” And it made me think about one time in my life where I probably was not thee most kosher in every aspect. I was put in a situation, and I didn’t handle it to the best that I should have. And I think, for that, is that why this is happening to us?

My partner and I met online back in January of 1999. We became good friends and my partner instantly found herself attracted to me in many ways. I was going thru a rough time, and she was a good support system for me. She herself, was going thru some rough patches as well. In the midst of our friendship, she told me her feelings for me. I couldn’t or didn’t reciprocate the feelings. Reasons, there were many. But we still remained friends. In April of 1999, I met a girl online and we ended up deciding to “be together.” I was from Oregon, she was from Florida. Even thou we had not met yet, we both felt a strong connection and believed we were together. The girlfriend at the time knew of my current partner and how much she liked me. I persuaded the girlfriend to not worry about it, and she wasn’t. She knew that my now partner was going to be visiting me in December of that year.

My current partner and I met in person, and there was an immediate chemistry. We ended up sleeping together in the same bed, but nothing happened. I was still with this other girl, and I wasn’t going to cheat on her. The next morning I felt so guilty about sleeping with my “friend” that I rang my girlfriend. She wasn’t happy, but we were still together. After that conversation, I realized that I needed to do a lot of hard thinking. I had feelings for this woman who was now physically in my life. I knew that I wanted to see if anything would eventuate. After a few days, I wrote an email to my girlfriend and told her we needed to talk. She rang me the next morning, at 4:00 in the morning…and I broke up with her. I can still remember the conversation and how hurt she was. She asked me if I didn’t love her anymore and I said “no, I don’t.” She was crying so hard, and was trying so hard to persuade me to change my mind. But my mind was made up, I wanted to be with this other person. I didn’t do the breaking up very well, and I hurt this girl in so many ways. But at the time, I was focused on me, and I was being selfish.

6 months passed, I was still with my partner, and she came to visit me in June of 2000. And out of the blue, I get a phone call from my ex girlfriend. We did a bit of talking, and I kind of felt restricted because my current partner was there in the same room. Of ALL times to ring, the ex girlfriend rang when my current partner was visiting me. My ex girlfriend told me she had been depressed for months and had almost gotten into a car accident. I was so in shock and worried about my partner listening to us..that I didn’t connect to the fact that she was crying out for my help. I told her I wanted to stay in touch with her, and she said yeh, that was fine.

It never happened thou. I sent her letters, they were sent back to me. I ended up sending them w/o a return address, that way I knew she either got them, or threw them away. I often thought about her, and wondered what she was doing and how she was coping. November 2003, I did a websearch and found her name on a webpage guestbook. I didn’t know for sure whether it was her, but I emailed the address, and it WAS her. I apologized to her for what happened. And I wanted her to forgive me for being so insensitive. I was truly sorry for the way things happened, and for the way I treated her. She wouldn’t have any of it. She told me that I could say what I wanted to, but then she never wanted to hear from me again. She said that had I NOT ever contacted her, she might have forgiven me some day. But now, she never would.

I was completely crestfallen and heartbroken. I now knew how she felt when I had broken up with her. To this day, I still wonder about her. I know she’s been successful with school, and she finally came out to her family. She was 5 years younger than me, and that was a bit of an issue. Had we met and been intimate, I would have been commiting an offense. But in the letter she wrote me, and had a friend write to me, she’s better off without me. And just hearing the hurtful words, it really affected me. Part of me will always care for my ex girlfriend and she will always be a part of my life..whether she knows it or not. But I can't keep dwelling on what happened, and she shouldn't either.

I know I am only to blame for the way I treated her. But is because of what happened almost 6 years ago, am I being paid for it now? Is there an underlying karma working against me, and my relationship with my partner? I have often thought when things go “wrong” in this relationship, that karma is working against me. But I have tried to mend things, I have tried to ask to be forgiven. I’ve tried to do what I thought was right. But is it enough? Is because of what I did something over 5 years ago, is that going to stop me from finding happiness. When I broke up with my ex girlfriend at the time, I wasn’t trying to be mean or anything of that nature.

It wasn’t my intention of falling for my current girlfriend. It just happened that way. And I’m truly sorry for how things ended between my ex girlfriend and I. But she’s moved on and so have I. And from what I’ve heard, she’s found someone who truly loves her. I’m happy for her, and happy that she’s been able to move on. But has she really moved on because of the fact that she’s never going to forgive me? I can’t make someone forgive me, but I can keep on hoping that maybe one day she will. But am I going to be paying for the rest of what happened?

People say that we all need to move on and the past is the past. And I’ve done just that. But am I being punished by karma, because of the way I was back then? I hope to God that I’m not being punished. I think just how scared and stressed out I am right now, is enough punishment. But I don’t want it to have to go to the affect of me losing the love of my life, for karma to be settled equally. I obviously wasn’t the love of my ex girlfriend’s life because she’s found someone far better than me. Don’t I deserve to be happy? Don’t I deserve to be able to live my life with someone who completes me? I believe I do..and every moment I get, I pray that I get to live out the life I’ve wanted since meeting my partner.

-current mood-SKEPTICAL

Shock has subsided

It’s been at least 24 hours now, and the shock of what happened last night has subsided a bit. Sometimes when I stop what I’m doing, I can still feel a sense of stress. I think I stress more because of the unknown. Before this happened, I was pretty confident that the application was going to get approved. But now that this has happened, so much weighs on what happens, and I can’t even begin to think about what we’ll do if the application is rejected.

Last night my partner rang her mum and told her what had happened. Her mum’s partner has a friend who works for immigration. She had him ring us today, and after the conversation we had, I began to feel a little better. The guy told us not to stress. He said for us to focus on this application, and if it doesn’t get approved, that we have 28 days to lodge an appeal. The appeal then goes to the tribunal, and if all goes well, the denied application can be overturned. It costs 1400.00 to appeal. But he said that it can take about 6 months for the appeals process, but I think during that process I’m still allowed to be in the country. But if I can’t work for another 6 months, that is going to be extremely hard on my partner. We’d manage, but it’d be extremely tight for us.

The guy just kept saying “don’t think about that right now, think about what is in front of you.” I told him that I was afraid the immigration officer was going to see “unlawful for over 60 days” (it doesn’t look as bad if you’re under the 28 days of being unlawful) and won’t look further beyond that. He said “no, it’s not going to be like that.” He said that immigration is interested in finding out the truth if something like this comes up. He talked about how the visa was tricky and that this sort of stuff happens. He said a few times not to stress. He then told me that I should write a statutory declaration about what happened. I told him we’d written something yesterday while at DIMIA, but we didn’t know the exact time and dates stuff happened. He said the statutory declaration may help our case because it’s a legal document. Hopefully in a few weeks time, we will get a letter from DIMIA and if they request more information, we’ll give them that letter. If they don’t request more information, and we have an interview, I’ll be the letter with me. It’ll look like I’m really trying to explain myself.

Everyone that I’ve talked to has given so much support and words of encouragement. Some people say that if things are meant to be, it’ll all work out. And when I hear people say that I think to myself “why would it NOT be meant to be, with all of the obstacles we’ve had thrown at us thus far?” To us, we’re meant to be, but to who, are we not? Fate has brought us together, would fate tear us apart? I don’t know, and I’m scared to know. But there is nothing more I can do. So I just have to sit on my hands and hope to the high powers that be, that this goes in our favor.

-current mood-MORE CALM

"You're here unlawfully!"

If there is such a thing as God and faith, it was very much with me today. Warning, this probably will be a pretty long post ::smiles:: My partner and I had our big day today. The day we were to go down to the department of immigration and lodge my application for migration. This is a big process for us, and we couldn’t do it till after the 13th of this month. A big condition on this migration application is that my partner and I had to cohabitate for 12 months immediately prior to lodging the application. It’s hard getting the 12 months of being together. You can get tourist visas and extend them or some people are able to get 12 month working holiday visas.

I myself, got a 4 month working holiday visa. After the 4 months, I applied for a 6 month tourist visa. I had 10 months under my belt and just needed 2 more months maximum. Well, on my 6 month tourist visa, there is a “mutiple travel” condition. This meant that if I left and came back before this visa was to expire, I would be granted a 6 month extension. Being the stickler that I am, I rang the DIMIA in May, before we were headed off to New Zealand. I asked her (only got her first name) specifically about my visa (subclass 686 with multiple travel condition) if I’d be able to get the extension. She said yes. I asked if I needed to do any extra paperwork. She said no, because everything is computerized, and once the passport is scanned on my return, it’s automatically added into the computer. So I assumed all was well. When I came back from the trip to New Zealand, the customs officer (yes I did get her full name) didn’t say much to me. When she handed me back my passport I asked “did I get the 6 month extension?” She kind of looked at me and I said “b/c I have the multiple travel condition on my visa.” She looks at me and says “well it must have gone thru.” She didn’t look it up for me or anything, so I was to assume that I had gotten the extension.

So here I have been, dilly dallyin’ stress free for the past few months. We head into the city to the DIMIA office, and we waited for about an hour to turn in our application. Once we sat down, we said we were here to lodge an interdependency migration application. He looked at our 2 main forms we needed, then took my passport. That is when we got the shock of our lives. From what I can understand, because of the special working holiday visa I got to come here in September, there is some sort of “tricky” aspect that didn’t allow my visa to be extended when we thought it did.

I started freaking out, and tried to explain to him that I talked to someone from DIMIA AND that the customs officer had told me that my visa went thru, or so she thought. The guy wouldn’t have it, all he was concerned with, was the fact that I was over 60 days unlawfully in Australia. When he looked at me and said “you’re here unlawfully” my heart dropped and I started crying. The first thought that came to my mind was “I’m going to be deported” as well as “I’m going to have to go to a detention center.” My partner tried to calm me down, but I was so scared. He kept saying “yes you’re here unlawfully” and then said “it says right here” (showing me passport) what it said. There wasn’t any thing written saying I had 6 months to stay extra, but I thought that was b/c it was already in the computer system. Evidently not, as we found out.

I was still crying, well tears were not running down my face, but I was crying. I don’t think I was ever more scared in my life. He got up, went to talk to a colleague and explained to her what was going on. She said “go ahead and let them lodge the application, give her the bridging visa and have her write a letter.” So while he was busy doing other stuff, I sat there and wrote a letter explaining why I was unlawful for this long. My hands were shaking the whole time as I was writing this and I couldn’t stop crying inside. I explained everything to the best that I could, and sincerely said I was sorry. I had no idea this would happen and of course it wasn’t my intention. We had done everything by the book, and this one thing totally set us offguard. The guy said that he doesn’t know if the application will be approved, and that if it isn’t, we lose on all of our money. My partner kept trying to talk to him every so often to keep the conversation going, and to show that we were somewhat interested. I finally got the bridging visa. (visa that allows me to be LAWFULLY in Australia till we find out the status of our application.)

I am still shell shocked, and I’m still freaking out like crazy. I know the guy was doing his job, but he just seemed like he couldn’t see past the fact that I was unlawfully in Australia. You can “sort of” be here in Australia unlawfully for up to 28 days, but it was over 60 days that I was here on no visa. All he could do was take our application and our money. Everything keeps playing over and over in my head, and I’m so scared. I’ve never been so worried about something as I am now. We did everything we were supposed to, and HAD I known what the first visa entailed in reference to the second one, I would have applied for another visa in July. We would have left before it expired, applied for one in New Zealand and then come back once the visa was granted to me. But we didn’t know that the visa didn’t go thru. I don’t think it was my job to be thorough. If the customs officer said “it must have gone thru” I have to hope and assume she’s right.

I can just see it now, the case officer putting the blame on me. But maybe the blame is on me, but it’s not all on me. Because I know without a doubt that had I known this would have happened, I would have made sure I was legally here. I’m not stupid, thou I feel like it. I feel stupid because I checked and double checked things with different people, and got the same answer. But the guy said “this is a tricky thing with this visa you had.” But I thought that once a visa was expired, that was it…it’s void and no longer in use. But somehow it affected the conditions of the 6 month visa I got in January.

I just hope that the case officer we get is in a good mood, and is lenient with our application. I hope they don’t have tunnel vision and see only “she was unlawful for over 60 days” and not even give us a chance to explain in person. If we have an interview, it will be so much better for us to explain this to them. I know immigration officers are normal people like us, and they have to do their job, but I’m not a threat to Australia at all. I don’t have a police record, I’ve never had a speeding ticket or parking ticket. I am secretly hoping and praying that because they DID give me the bridging visa, that only goes to show just how lenient they may be. Because I’m from the USA and not some other country that is high risk for people overstaying, that they’ll look at the whole picture, and realize it was just all a misunderstanding. The DIMIA is going thru a lot of crap right now with people being deported when they shouldn’t have. So they are taking a lot of heat at the moment. I just hope they truly give us the benefit of the doubt and SEE with all of our evidence that we ARE a genuine couple. I really don’t know how it’ll pan out, it’s going to be on the discretion of the case manager we get.

I got home and I rang my sister, because I had to talk to someone. She tried to reassure me that everything will work out. But how does she know this? How does my partner know this? If our application is rejected, there goes 2 grand, plus a year of hard work to get us together. What happens then? We appeal the decision and hope to high water that it gets overturned. If not, I don’t even want to think about what will happen. If this application is rejected, I don’t know if there will be exclusions for me, to not be able to come back to Australia. And if that happens, I really don’t know what we’ll do. I don’t think my heart can taken another 3+ years of doing a long distance relationship again. We’ve done it for over 4.5 years, another 3 years is going to be too hard. Plus my mentality has me here in Australia. I miss my family, but I don’t want to go back home. I want to be with my partner and I want to start making a life together.

I try to think about all the people who are here illegally and illegally back in the states. It was not my intention to be deceiving or to keep hidden from DIMIA. Why would I be here illegally for 2 months and the lodge my application? I well know the rules, and I thought I was obeying them. I don’t know how long the process is going to take now, and I know I’m going to be the most stressed out person. My life is at stake here, and it’s pretty much in the hands of one person. Tears well up in my eyes as I think about the prospect of having to go back home. I love my partner so much and we have worked so hard for this to work out for us…why is this happening to us now? We were told by 2 migration agents at this GLITF meeting, someone who worked for DIMIA, AND a customs officer, that this visa would work. That is how thorough I was with my information. There was a woman who told me to make sure that the multiple travel condition means just that..that’s why I rang DIMIA. But I had no clue that I had to let anyone know about the first visa I was on. How can people know every single detail to every single class of visa?

So yes, that’s my story..and it’s a horrible one. So please, if you’re reading this, say a little prayer for my partner and I, we seriously need them. I asked God today why this happened to us. I asked why was everything okay up until now? Why have we been able to withstand all the miles apart but now this has happened..why? Is God testing us? Is he testing me? I’m not big on religion, but I am big on faith. I believe there is someone or something out there who is doing this to me. And I ask “what did I do to deserve this?” But then I thank God for letting the immigration officer grant me my bridging visa. So I have to keep hoping and praying that everything will work out for us. So yes, even if you don’t believe in religion, please say a prayer for my partner and I.

-current mood-SCARED OUT OF MY MIND

Petrol prices

Yesterday on the way to the Toyota Open day, I was riding in the car with my sister in law. We got to talking about hurrican Katrina, and the conversation of gas prices was brought up among other things. What we both can’t understand, is why haven’t wages gone up? People have known that the prices of petrol were going to go up, and people say it’ll get up to 1.60 a litre by Christmas. So what exactly are people (mostly the government) doing to help us out? Why is it, that when we have oil refineries here in Australia, that it costs more to import the petrol than to export it? Why are we not using the petrol that we have here? Why do we have to go elsewhere to find a resource that could very well be beneficial to us if we used it? I know, it’s all about politics isn’t it?

People have explained that it’s not just one group of people’s position to lower gas prices. But then who’s is it? I can remember the day when it was like .90 a litre for petrol. It’s now 1.25 and it fluctuates every single day. I remember watching A Current Affair on tv, and they talked about how much of a profit Caltex has made in the past few years. It was 100 million dollars, then close to 200 million dollars, and now, it’s over 300 million dollars. Why is it, that over ½ of the amount we’re paying for petrol is going into GST, as well as in the pockets of Caltex and other oil companies? If they took the GST off, that would make things a whole lot easier for a lot of people. But the government isn’t changing it’s stance on petrol prices, and for that who suffers? None other than us the consumer.

Petrol is a necessity for a lot of people. It’s needed for transportation. But whether we’re driving or taking public transportation, it’s been costing us heaps extra to get where we need to go. People are having to cut their funds in order to keep a balance every single month. People are becoming more in debt, and that’s a bad thing because so many ppl are already in debt as it is. People are having to ration their food supply, or other oddities that may cost a bit extra. For heaven’s sake, people are having to cut their private health insurance, because they can’t afford to pay for petrol. Health insurance is important and even thou everyone here gets free health insurance, it’s very minimal.

Everyday I think about the petrol prices and I wonder why. I wonder why and wonder who it is people can be okay with what has been happening. I remember years ago when prices were under 1.00 a gallon and we thought it was great. Then when prices started creeping up to 1.50, we started freaking out. Now look at the prices, and it seems as thou we’re still being tolerant of what’s been happening. What causes the fluctuations in petrol prices? Is it natural disasters? Is it the so called war in Iraq?

Supposedly there is an email chain letter going around that September 22nd is the day where if no one buys petrol, that the amount of petrol there is, if it isn’t used, that the petrol prices HAVE to go down in order to use what has been kept in revenue. But really, the chance that everyone doesn’t buy petrol is pretty slim. But it seriously makes you wonder just how much petrol does a nation use in a day. I don’t buy petrol, I don’t drive at the moment. But I know that once I start driving again, or use public transportation, so much of my paycheck is going to go into petrol or the cost to get somewhere. Somewhere, someone needs to lower prices, or somehow raise the cost of living up for people. I seriously don’t know how people can survive. People who have money, that’s no problem for them. But there are a lot of people who live pay check to pay check, or are on welfare, how do they survive??

Let’s hope for the best in that petrol prices may go down, or the cost of living will go up. Some people seriously need to get their heads out of their bums and do something.

-current mood-ANNOYED that the government has done nothing to help.

Toyota Open Day

My partner works for Toyota, and yes, she’s able to get a discount on new Toyota cars. I do believe it’s 22%. Pretty good rating, for a new vehicle. But she always leases a car, and gets a new one every 8-9 months. I have been to her work place before, but it was probably a good 5 years ago, at least. Today was Open day, where the manufacturing plant she works at was open to the public. It was only open to people who work there and their family and friends. And talk about a perfect day weather wise. There was a cool breeze, and the sun was beaming like you wouldn’t believe.

My partner works in assembly as a storesperson. She delivers parts to the line and then other people of course build the cars. They had various parts of the plant open to where you could see how the vehicles are made. At the plant where my partner works, they only make camrys. But you can go into various sections, all the way from the press area, to painting, to sequence, to assembly, which is the last part before the car gets driven off the area. It is so facinating to see how a car is actually built. Kind of creepy watching these HUGE press machines press pieces of metal into car parts. They showed car parts that had not been painted yet, and to think that that is something we drive, it’s flabbergasting. There is one machine that can press 6000 tons in less than 6 seconds. That’s how long it takes to make a “panel” of some sort. They have various presses that make various panels and parts. Then there are so many different layers of paint that is painted on. At the end, where they actually assemble the vehicle, you can see all the parts that go into the vehicle. There are so many different parts and pieces. But now when my partner says “I’m doing struts tonight” or “dry shafts, yuck” I’ll know what she’s talking about.

If you’re ever able to go to a car manufacturing plant, I highly recommend it. It’s just so interesting to see how an actual car is made..pretty much from the pieces of metal to the end result. They don’t have these open days very often. I think it was 10 years since they had the last one. They had an expected 18,000 people, where 6,000 of them were kids. They had showbags (bags with toys and such) for the kids, but they had to go and find the “tokens” before they could get their prize. They got waterbottles, frisbees, pencil pouch, wristbands, and a few other cool things. Kind of makes the day go quicker for the kids, but OMG, the lines to get the tokens. So many kids, I swear. They hand rides and jumping castles as well for the kids, all of which were free. They had hamburgers and sausage rolls and it was just a perfect day for this event.

-current mood- COMFORTABLE