Hurricane Katrina

It’s been 5 days I think since Hurricane Katrina swept over New Orleans and every day that I read about the catastrophe, I can’t believe what I’m reading. There is always some news headline or newspaper article talking about Hurrican Katrina and just how it’s affected the people down in the south. When I heard about Katrina passing thru Florida and that it was on it’s way to the Gulf of Mexico, I thought to myself “ahh yeh, this is yet another natural disaster.” Little did I realize just how affected New Orleans really was. My heart goes out to all the people who are left homeless.

What really gets to me, is what has happened in the past few days. Looters, people robbing other people, kids getting sexually assaulted, as well as people getting beat up and killed. What is really going on here? I understand how certain conditions can cause extreme measures, but what possesses people to do this? And today’s headline in the newspaper said “shoot to kill.” WTF is that all about? Troops have come in, but not enough of them..but yet they’ve come in to supposedly control the chaos. Really, how is killing people going to make the situation better? I really think President Bush reacted poorly to this situation. I still don’t understand how he made it into office yet another term. New Orleans is in shambles, and what does the President do? Hardly anything at that. And waiting a few days before making a decision, what kind of President does this?

Even thou I’m not from the south, and I’m also all the way here in Australia, I just feel so helpless. I look at the newspaper pictures and watch the news on tv, and seeing all the people in turmoil, my heart just bleeds for them. I have a feeling of hopelessness and a feeling like “what do I do?” I know what I can do, but what can I really do? So much tragedy has struck the world in the past 9 months or so. With the tsunamis in Thailand, the London Bombings and now this natural disaster. There was some preparation for Hurrican Katrina, but not nearly enough.

So many lives have been lost and I ask myself “who would want to put this onto someone?” If there really is a God, or a higher power, what is the reason for having all of these deaths. You wake up every day, live your life as you normally would, then one day you wake up to this… It’s so hard for me to get my head around. So many lives have been lost, innocent lives. Imagine being someone who watches bodies float along beside you. It’s just so horrific, thinking of how traumatized people are going to be. New Orleans will never be the same, it really won’t. I’ve never been to New Orleans myself, but it looked like a beautiful place. How long is it going to take, to re-build this city? I mean it’s going to take at least 3 months before civilization can come back into the city. Just think of how much time and money it’ll take to even begin the re-building of such a great place. And so close to the anniversary of September 11th. I know this wasn’t planned, you can’t plan natural disasters, but this travesty has impacted a nation, a world, and who knows what it will take to rebuild what has been lost.

-current mood-SADNESS

Drug Offenses in Asian Countries

October 8th I believe, will be the one year anniversary that Schapelle Corby’s life was forever changed. For those people who are unfamiliar with this case, Schapelle Corby was on her way to Bali from Queensland, when she arrived in Bali, 4.8 kgs of marijuana was found in her boogie board. She denied that it was hers, and the nightmare began. She was charged with possession among other charges and could have faced the firing squad if she was found guilty. Her trial ended up May with a verdict of guilty. However, they took the death sentence off the table, and she ended up getting 20 years in jail, a Bali jail.

Now, when this case first appeared in the media, I though to myself “oh what ever, not another person.” But as time passed on, and as I read further and further into this story, I became really intrigued. The more I read, the more I realized that this woman was not guilty. And there was no way to prove it. Reason for this, is the Indonesian customs and police were not very cooperative. They did not do a lot of forensic investigating like they should have. And when people tried to get the airport security tapes, they had been “conveniently” dissappeared. The airport said that they only kept the tapes for a certain period of time. But yet, when the defense asked for them, it was still within the time frame that the tapes should have still been in the aiport security’s possession. Also, Schapelle’s bags were not weighed when she left Brisbane Airport. The scales were down I guess, and so they were not weighed. That again, is something absolutely crucial, b/c if they HAD been weighed, at Brisbane Airport, it would have proven that between Brisbane and Bali someone put those drugs into her bag. So many things were tried in order to get Schapelle’s name cleared, but it was a lost cause. The defense even had witnesses, who had heard in their jail cell that someone else had owned those drugs. But who is going to believe a suspected rapist? I believe that is who the witness was.

But aside from this witness, after the Schapelle Corby case got out into the media, ther was the beginning of an investigation with baggage handlers at the international airports. There were even a number of busts, that had occurred, proving that people WERE smuggling drugs in and out of Australia. But yet, the Australian government didn’t do enough, and pretty much turned their heads when asked for help. The Indonesial police did not want anything to do with the case of the baggage handlers. They said that there was no relevancy between the Australian baggage handlers and Schapelle’s case. No relevancy? C’mon, you’ve gotta be kidding me!

When the verdict was read on national news, at the present time, it was such a horrific feeling. So many people believed Schapelle was innocent, and I think even now, still believe that she’s innocent. I was nearly in tears when I heard the verdict. 20 years in a Bali prison, where the standards of living is absolutely horrific. Now granted, prisons are not supposed to be places of luxury, but they need to be livable. The prisons in Bali are not such a condition. Since the verdict, appeals have been set in motion, and the defense has tried to get video interviews of people in Australia who are saying the drugs was theirs, and that Schapelle was nothing more than someone who was there at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Since Schapelle’s case came to light, there have been the “Bali 9” who are soon up for trial as well. During Schapelle’s trial, 4 people were caught with heroin taped to their bodies, trying to get onto a flight to Sydney from Bali. The Indonesial Police had a “tip off” that this was going to be happening, so they did some undercover work for a few days I think. They ended up arresting 5 other people. All of these people will face the firing squad if they’re found guilty.

Another instance, just recently, within the past two weeks, is that of a model. I don’t remember her name, but 2 ecstacy tablets were found in her possession. She first denied that it was hers, but then it was reported that she had bought those tablets from some guy a few nights earlier. Drug tests, both urine and blood, have been conducted and she tested negative for ecstacy, but positive for other drugs. Because of the small amount on her, she could face up to 15 years in prison.

I don’t understand people sometimes. They make it QUITE clear that there is the death penalty if you are caught with drugs, if you cross over Asian borders. Bali isn’t the only place, Hong Kong, and Vietam I believe are also places that carry the death penalty. So why are people so stupid, to believe that they won’t get caught. Not that I’m advocating drug use, but why bring drugs into a country when that specific drug is SO easy to come by? That’s another reason why I believe Schapelle is innocent. Why would she be silly enough to bring drugs into Bali, when she very well knows how easily accessible it is?

All of these recent drug charges have perked a special interest in me. This past weekend I watched Bancock Hilton, a movie that was made in 1989 I believe and has Nicole Kidman in it. Nicole Kidman plays a woman who is looking for her long lost father. This search brings her to London, where she meets Mr. so called wonderful, and has to change her plane tickets to go back home..via Bancock. To make a long story short, Nicole Kidman is caught with 4 kilos of pure heroin in her camera bag. It’s the story of how she survivies the prison, aka Bancock Hilton. Definitely no Hilton, and of course a play on words. Without giving too much away, she’s charged with possession, which carries out the death penalty.

Bloody brilliant movie, I highly recommend watching it. Watching it made me think about the people who are the ones who do the killing. How could anyone do that sort of job? I understand that when you’re in someone elses’s country, you’re supposed to abide by their laws. But shooting someone to death, how could you sleep at night? I know that goes the same for people who administer the lethal injection and those who are hung as well (in some countries). But I just don’t understand how someone can mentally prepare themselves for this sort of thing. Shooting someone yeh maybe once, but they use an automatic gun and it just keeps firing. How could you sit there as a spectator and watch? Or yet, be a prisoner, and watching someone you share a cell with, as they leave, and then hear the gunshots soon after? Absolutely horrible, I tell ya.

Drugs in Asian countries have horrific penalties, and I often ask myself “why?” I understand what kind of damage drugs can do to a society, but why are the Asian countries harsher on drug smugglers and mules? I look at Australia and the US, and people are fined, put in jail, but death by firing squad, that is so ancient. Maybe Asian cultures still abide by ancient rules, but man, you won’t see me every flying to any Indonesian country. No way, no how. My thoughts here only go to show how an innocent person’s life can be completely turned around. I don’t ever want to put myself in a situation where something like Schapelle’s case could happen to me. Sure, you might say “someone could still smuggle drugs into your bag” but if I’m going to the US or back to Australia, there will be a lot forensic evidence….and the fact that death will not be a possible outcome either, puts my mind a little more at ease. It worrries me when I travel. I’ve had stuff stolen out of my bags. I know people have gone thru them. I will just make sure I’m extra careful when ever I travel anywhere.

-current mood-ANXIOUS

September Already?

Holy blimey, I can’t believe it’s already September. That means I have only a few days left before I have to have our immigration application complete. I only have one major task to finish, but I seem to be procrastinating. I feel like the procrastinating is happening because I know if I do it, that means it’s just that much close to when we have to have the migration agent look at it. I’m a bit nervous and a bit anxious for this weekend to arrive. Anxious and nervous because I know when we go to this GLITF meeting, I’m going to be the one who is doing all the talking. I talked about it to my partner last night and she goes “well it’s b/c you know what is going on with everything.” Well, the reason why I know everything, is because I’m the one who is doing everything. I know the questions we have to ask are pretty self explanatory, but I just get nervous about it all. I know that once the weekend is over, and I know how our application looks, I’ll feel much better. I just hope that the migration agent doesn’t tell me we’ve done everything wrong and we’ll have to change it completely. But the thing is, is there really isn’t a right and wrong way to turn in the application. Just as long as you have everything you think you need to “prove” your case, that is what they want. There is no set standard, just a guideline. So I’m hoping that will be taken into consideration when the migration agent looks at our application. I know thou, they’re going to take one look at how much we have and they’ll be raising their eyebrows. But we DO have 5 years of a relationship to prove. I guess if they want us to, we can take out a few stuff, but everything is pretty important.

Speaking of beginning of September, Spring should officially be starting soon. And let’s hope this weekend for Father’s Day (yes Father’s day is in September here in Australia) it’ll be nice. We’re supposed to be having a barbeque with my partner's family. But I am finally glad that Spring is here and am very much looking forward to more days like last weekend.

-current mood-ANXIOUS

Threesomes

The past few weeks, the topic of threesomes has come up on many occassions. I myself am not a believer nor am I a participant in them. And I don’t really associate myself with such people. However, I give the people the benefit of the doubt, and if their life doesn’t revolve around them, I’m more than happy to talk about other things. I’ve met some great ladies who either dab into the threesome lifestyle or have had talk about it (threesome including only women of course). And in one way or another, I’m interested in finding out just why someone would choose to participate in this sort of thing.

I don’t care to associate myself around women who are married, or have boyfriends and think that just because they’re bisexual, that they can go and bed hop, and that I want to be a part of it. Being a lesbian means liking women, doesn’t it? Where in the “manual” does it say “just as long as there is a woman in the bedroom, it’s still okay for a guy to be present?” Nah, doesn’t say that anywhere. And I get really ticked off and annoyed when women message me and tell me “I’m married but bi and looking for a partner in a threesome.” Or I’ll read newspaper personal ads, and will see “male seeks lesbian couple for fun times.” Now, WTF is that all about? Are there lesbians that really answer those sort of ads? The only way I’d see a lesbian couple doing that, was if they were trying to get pregnant and needed a sperm donor. But even then, more than likely they’d get a sperm donor, not get it from the real source.

But back to this threesome thing. What makes people want to sleep with other people, in front of someone they’re supposedly in love with? To me, it’s not like BDSM, where it’s a lifestyle, but to others it is. I guess people are able to disassociate themselves from their emotional feelings. I don’t see myself doing that. I’m the sort of person that’d be too afraid of what would happen. I’m a one woman kind of woman, and the idea of some other woman having sex with my partner while I watched, that just doesn’t turn me on at all. Nor does the idea of me having sex with someone I have no emotional attachments to, having sex with me while my partner watched. I just couldn’t do it.

Call me old fashioned, but I have the sort of belief that if I’m going to have sex with someone, we both have to be in love with each other on so many different levels. I couldn’t find that sort of love with someone I was having a threesome with. My heart belongs to only one person, and the thought of me giving myself to someone else in such an intimate way, that other person doesn’t deserve that form of intimacy from me. Some people are able to separate their own feelings of emotional love for sexual gratification. Sexual gratification is a great thing, but I don’t think I could see myself being with someone just for that specific thing.

Aside from the emotional feelings I’d be feeling, I’d be wondering “if this happens once, will my partner want to keep this up?” Or “will this 3rd person try to get in the way of our relationship.” Or even “what if I LIKED it?” I know that there are so many things to think about, when it comes to deciding whether to allow another person in the bedroom, but I just don’t feel like the pros would outnumber the cons. I just know it would add so many more complications to a relationship. But I guess for those people who do it, they’re looking for some new elements to their sex life. Maybe I’m prude or maybe I’m just too chicken sh*t to actually think about it. But my partner and I both are not into it, and I’m secretly grateful that my partner doesn’t bring it up.

All the more power to people who do decide to do this sort of thing, but it certainly isn’t my cup of tea. But like I said in the beginning, doesn’t deter me away from making friends (with lesbians) just as long as they don’t push their lifestyle or choices onto me. I discriminate with the bisexuals (and it may be a double standard) merely for the fact that many bisexual women I know, who are involved in this, are still married or have boyfriends. I don’t want any part in that. If there were ever to come a day where I WOULD participate in a threesome, it would strictly be a women only thing. Besides, I wouldn’t date a bisexual anyway (that’s for another day..lol) But I honestly can say, “not in this lifetime” would I get involved in a threesome.

-current mood-AVERAGE

Out of sight, out of mind

The year anniversary of my move to Australia is coming up here in a few weeks. September 12th will be one year that I have been in Australia. It is hard to believe that I have been here this long. As I think about it, I can’t believe time has quickly gone by. It feels like yesterday, or only months ago that I got on that plane and flew all the way here. I can still picture the tears on my mum’s face as I hugged her for the last time. I can still remember how warm it was and how utterly excited I was that this day had finally arrived. So many positive memories come to mind when I think about how I felt way back a year ago.

But at the same time, I’m deeply saddened. Saddened because I left a bunch of great people back at home. Things started out great, my friends kept in touch with me and tried to make an effort to keep in contact with me. But the more I kept emailing them, the less they would reply back to me. I got sort of upset because I thought the friendship meant more to them then what has been expressed. I understand that people have their own lives to live, but once a month would be nice to get an email from someone. No one back in the states keeps in contact with me, other than my family. I don’t have any friends here yet, and it would have been nice to just keep in contact, that way a part of me was still at home. The last time I got an email from a friend in the states was back in July I think. And the only reason why she emailed me was because I had sent her an e-greeting for her birthday. She emailed me, thanking me for the card, so I emailed her back and asked her if she did anything for her birthday. It was a big one this year, big 30, I wanted to know what had happened. I still haven’t heard back from her.

I feel like the saying “out of sight, out of mind” when you’re not in front of someone, or in their presence physically, they seem to forget about you. Why is that, I have asked myself. And why is it, that this happens every time I make friends. How come I am the one who is always doing the leg work? If I don’t keep in touch with people, I don’t ever hear from them. As I said earlier, I thought the friendship meant more to them than what has been shown. I don’t think I could ever talk about this to my friends because they’d give some excuse that they were super busy. It takes 10 minutes to sit down and write an email, or to pick up the phone and ring me. I just can’t understand why people always do this to me. Am I such a bad person that people feel like they have to ignore me to get me out of their life? I know my friends still care about me, and I know when I go back home, they’ll be all excited. But notice, that’s when I’m physically there, they can get excited. They can still miss me, but that shouldn’t prevent them from staying in touch. This may not bother some people, but it really bothers me.

-current mood-INVISIBLE

Can men not understand? Or do they just assume they’ll be different?

One of the great things I love about the internet and the ability to communicate with others, is the fact that I can choose who I wish to talk to. I’m a lesbian, we’ve already established that. I choose to converse with other lesbians online as a means to get to know others and find out what goes on in their neck of the woods. I encounter enough males in real life that I choose not to converse with them online. Where ever I go, (i.e. message boards, group forums, profiles) I make it clear that I only wish to converse with women. So why is it almost every day, I’m contacted by someone guy who wishes to converse with me. What part of “no men please” don’t they understand? I’m cordial and courteous when it comes to me expressing my choice on this. But yet I still get harassed by guys who think that “ahh she’ll give me a chance.” Do guys really think I’m going to just change my mind and say “yeh, I’ll talk to this fella here?” No, not a chance, at least not in this lifetime.

I can almost predict how many guys, if they’re messaged by other guys tell them to “f*ck off” and leave them alone. But yet guys believe that because a woman is gay, that she can really be converted back to being straight or hopefully bisexual. So they try to put on the charm. I know not all guys are like this, but what really is the motives of these men who message lesbians? And lesbians who make it quite clear they’re just not interested? How else can I make it clear that I’m not coming online to converse with men or make male friends? I rarely have them in real life, why would I seek them out online?

I get really annoyed and really fed up, just because I get the feeling that somewhere, some guy is always thinking that they can convert a lesbian. If I want to seek out male friendships, I will do the seeking. I don’t wish for males to seek me. When it comes to certain online forums (i.e. computer games help forums) I don’t mind conversing with males, but only if it’s to talk about relevant information. I come to those forums to get computer help, not to make friends. I know not all males are like this, and I actually get most of the harassment from men who live overseas…in Indonesian countries, Egypt, and Turkey. I’m not targeting these certain areas, but why is it that most of the men are from these countries? I am assuming it is because these countries are predominately partiarchial, as well as very homophobic. Homosexuality isn’t looked up as “okay” in these countries. Maybe they don’t understand the word “lesbian?” What ever it may be, I just wish they’d leave me alone. Truth of the matter is, I just wish men would leave me alone. I hate to sound like a bitch (that’s a whole different post) but I just wish that guys would take the hint and realize I’m just not interested. I don’t mind guys making comments to my blogs or messages, but just don’t go out of your way to personally contact me. Is that so hard to ask??? Methinks NOT.

-current mood-FRUSTRATED

Heterosexist views in the media

This evening, I was watching tv, and I got to thinking about the commercials and just tv in general. The tv and other forms of media are constantly in our faces. Whether we like it or not, we ALWAYS see male/female couples, and there isn’t a blink of an eye about it. Everything seems to be politically correct on tv and in magazines. But what would happen, if they showed something that had a gay undertone? Would people be offended by this, most likely yes. Maybe not necessarily offended, but people would be up in arms about it. Anytime anything gay related reaches tv or the media somehow, someone has always got to complain about it. But what about us gay people? Do people ever consider the thought that WE may be offended to see a man and a woman kissing? To many, that is “normal” but really, what is normal? Maybe to me, normal is seeing two women or two men kissing or at least holding hands. When I talk to people, sometimes they get offended when they see gay couples kissing or holding hands in public. But what about us getting offended? I know that regardless of the uproar WE may bring to the table, nothing would ever be done about it.

We live in a heterosexist society, where people are to believe that we are all straight. Or not necessarily that we are all straight, but that we all should be straight. We all know that that is not the case, but any time something is advertised that may have gay undertones, the situation is labeled “controversial.” I remember a commercial for beer, and it took place in a bar. Two women come to the bar, and start checking out the guys. Every time one woman checks out a guy there is always an “excuse” as to why she can’t approach him. The final guy they see, he is alone, and seems very approachable. The women walk up to the guy and he says something to them. As the two women are talking to the guy, another guy comes up and it’s clear that the two men are together. First time I saw that commercial, I was shocked that they actually got away with airing it on tv. I could just see the conservatives jumping out of their seats and trying to get it taken off the air.

I don’t see what the big deal is. People are often afraid of having to explain it to their kids about what it means to be gay. I understand there is a time and a place to be talking to your kids about this sort of thing, but it should be done sooner than later. I say this for the fact that gay people are almost always asked “when did you know you were gay” and many say when they were young kids, in elementary school, sometimes younger. I believe that if it’s not “explained” at an early age, those individuals who do come out at 5-6 or I should say, come to realize they’re not like their recess mates, that there is an explanation for what they feel. I don’t have kids, and I don’t plan on having any. But I don’t see any shame in talking about it to kids. It’s not as if one is trying to force the issue on the children, it’s helping them become more aware of what “differences” there are among people.

I often wonder if the media will ever bring more gay undertones into advertising. I don’t see it as a problem. People may say “why throw it in our face of YOUR lifestyle?” And I can retort back, “why are we thrown YOUR lifestime in our faces??” There is no choice in that, it just happens. People seem to be more gay friendly, look at the success of shows such as Queer as Folk, The L Word, Will and Grace, and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. They’re all about the gay life, but yet so many people enjoy the shows, both gay and straight. And the shows are not just about the gay lifestyle, but the shows are about “normalizing” what it means to be gay. People may take no notice of the advertising that goes on in our media, but I guess myself, as a gay women, I notice how much it revolves around heterosexuality.

-current mood-TIRED