Moving to myspace and yahoo 360

Well folks..I think I'm going to shut down shop on this blog website. Because there are so many other blog websites out there, by which I believe has more traffic...I'm going to be posting my blogs elsewhere.

If you want to keep up to date with all my trials and tribulations...add me on yahoo 360

http://profiles.yahoo.com/way2hott2bestr8

or

http://www.myspace.com/gaylicious.

Testing for job

I went in this morning to do some testing for a job prospect. This is the job that I've been waiting for. It's the type of tests that you can't prepare for. I guess there is a lot of "psychological" evaluations that employers are able to figure out just how a potential candidate would prosper.

If all goes well, they will contact one of my referees, and if that goes well, then they'll contact me for an interview. It's hard to know with this job, just what sort of competition is out there. The recruitment guy did say that interviews would be one of 3 days. Soooo I have a feeling there is some pretty stiff competition out there. But at the same time, the job is for various places in Victoria. I'm hoping there isn't a lot of competition for where I want to work. But if there is more than one position, then I may be in luck.

So cross your fingers that I get a call to come in for an interview. I know I'll certainly be praying.

Nintendi Wii and Nintendo DS

My partner and I bought a Nintendo Wii, and I bought a Nintendo DS. We had been having our eyes on a Nintendo Wii, but didn't have the guts to buy one. But today, when we went Nintendo DS shopping, we went and bought one. And ohhh my ohhhh my, what fun it is to play. We got the sports game, and it's an absolute crack up. I'm not much for bowling (had a bad experience in high school) but this bowling, I can definitely get used to. I think the hardest game to play is baseball, and I think I put my shoulder out, trying to swing that ball. It's no wonder I didn't play in high school..lol.

I also got the Nintendo DS, and got the brain game. I tested how old my brain is, and it told me 70 at first, and then 65 the second time. It must be the month off I've had. But I'm hoping to get my brain age down a few decades. I know lately I've felt like I was 65-70 years old. But I do admit, you have to really write out your answers clearly, or the game will say you're wrong. I'm hoping to get either Cars or Super Mario Bros game next.

I felt like a kid on Christmas morning after I bought the games. Growing up we didn't get any nintendo games or anything of that nature. We had a computer, that had games, but I was never so lucky when it came to a game console. But in truth, it was probably better that I didn't. Kids this day and age, they sit in front of a computer or a tv all day and it rots their brain...kind of like what has happened to mine in the past month ::laughing lightly:: I'm quite happy to have gotten the game now, now that I'm an adult. I know I'm not going to spend 10 hours playing the games. But I am quite tickled that I got one. :)

The Story

Watching Grey's Anatomy every Sunday night always gets me in a sad mood. It seems like every time I watch the show, I always end up crying, or at least teary eyed. I remember the season finale for season 2, with Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, I couldn't stop myself from crying. The song got to me, and it aired close to the time where I was going home for the holidays. Nonetheless, I cried and cried, and my partner looked at me and asked "why." Every time I heard the Snow Patrol song, I would end up crying. I can remember being at home, for the holidays, and we were driving home from somewhere, and the song came on. My eyes welled up with tears and this feeling of sadness overcame me. Songs seem to do that quite often.

This weekend the Grey's Anatomy episode ended with Brandi Carlile's song "The Story." I've attached the lyrics, and a link to where you can watch and listen to her video.

But as I was listening to the song, I began thinking about my story and my life. As with any song, I like to think about the lyrics and think about how they have impacted my life in one way or another. Songs bring joy to people's lives, they also bring our lives apart. Songs take us back to a place where we thought we were on top of the world. Songs take us to a place where we felt like the world wasn't a good enough place for us.

When I look in the mirror I see a story unfold. A story that has a lot of regrets and a lot of wishing that things had happened a different way. But regardless of what stories my face tells, it always seemed like there was someone I could tell it to. People in my life at a particular time, I was able to tell stories to them. But there is a lot about myself that my partner doesn't know, that my family and friends don't know. It's not that I keep secrets, but there are just parts of my life that I keep to myself and will probably keep to myself for as long as I be around. But specific moments and specific stories in my life, they make me sad, they make me cry and they make me think about just what sort of person I've become.

Am I proud of who I have become? Am I proud of what I have achieved thus far in my life? There are moments where I'm proud of who I have become and what I have achieved. But then there are times where I feel like I am completely helpless in my current situation. I feel like my insides are twisting, I'm losing my breath, and I can't breathe. But why do I feel this way, when I know very well, there are people in far worse situations than myself. There are people who have far worse stories to reveal but somehow manage to live on.

The song seems to be about all the great things that one has done for the one they love. But I don't feel like I have done great things and especially not for the one I love. I feel like I am still trying to find myself in this world. I have support, but not nearly as much support as I'd like. As much as I try to express my feelings to my partner, she just doesn't get it. My head is truly a mess, and I hide the disaster that is within me quite well. Will I ever reveal what is truly inside of me, or will it always stay within me? Only time will tell that answer.

The Story-Belinda Carlile
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
Yeah you do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
Is hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through but you do
And I was made for you

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

Brandi CarlileThe Story

Video Drift

Jordi

I've included a different picture of our new kitten.

We decided to name the new kitten Jordi..short for Jordin. If we were to ever have a girl, we would have named her Jordan. We thought our kitten was a girl, but I did a bit of investigating, and it appears that our new addition to the family is a boy. We are going to the vet on Friday to have a first check up and to get him micro-chipped. So I'm thinking that the vet will be able to tell us for sure. But I'm 99% sure it's a boy.

Jordi is such a funny kitten. He loves his toys, and we recently gave him an old soda can box to play with. We put a dangling toy in the middle and he loves it. Jordi also will sleep with us. In between our two pillows, he usually scrunches himself there. The first night, I put him in the utility room, just to give him some peace and quiet. Also to give our other cat Charlie some peace and quiet too. But the second night, I brought Jordi to the bedroom, he scampered off, but then came back, and snuggled in between us. Jordi slept in the same spot last night. It was quite funny though, yesterday we were looking for Jordi because we couldn't find him. I went into the bedroom, and he was sleeping in between the two pillows, with the stuffed duck my mum gave me. It was such an adorable picture.

I think Jordi is still a shy kitten. Him and Charlie still don't get along really, but Jordi is getting more brave. Jordi and Charlie used to just hiss at each other and stare at each other from across the room. Now, Charlie will see Jordi and watch him, and when ever he gets close, she'll hiss and growl at him. Jordi used to arch up his back and hiss back, but now he'll sort of growl, and arch up...but he'll start purring. It's quite funny I think. I'm hoping Charlie and Jordi will get along eventually, but I'm not sure how Charlie will fare.

First day of freedom

Well, technically, Saturday was my first day of freedom. And might I say how stress free I've been since Friday night?

My last day at work was sad, and exciting. Unfortunately on Thursday I woke up with a massive headache. Then Friday, I woke up with a pretty upset stomach. I think the reality of me quitting and being unemployed was sinking in. But Friday was good. I was able to have a "team" lunch to just have a chat and relax. Friday arvo, we had a small "afternoon tea" and I got a great card, and a gift voucher. I spent a lot of the day saying goodbye to people. I know I should have been doing my work, and I still did (I only had 3 pieces of mail left in my mail tray).

I woke up Saturday morning, at 7:45...I could hardly believe that I was actually up. But I woke up, and sat and wrote a bunch of thank you emails to everyone who I felt made a positive influence during my time at my job. It gave me time to reflect on just how important the friendships I made, and just how I may have impacted others. I know with working for a big company, it's hard to get close to people...but I did that.

I woke up this morning, and was sort of sad...knowing that I wasn't going to work. But I was happy that 1) I could sleep in and 2) happy I didn't go to work, after hearing about the shooting in the Melbourne CBD. I would have been already at work (as I am an early riser), but all day I kept thinking "I hope people at the other office are okay."

Part of me is excited about trying to find a new job, but part of me is already stressing. Finding work is such a daunting job, especially trying to find a job in a different country. I was fortunate enough to get the job I did, because a friend of my partner worked at my job, in a different department. I will be very grateful for the job and experience while at my job, and I thought I would be there for a couple of years.

This "friend" of my partners, that referred me to my last job, told my partner I should have asked for a transfer to a different team. But the team wasn't the problem or issue, in fact, FAR from it. It was the work load, and the high expectations I put on myself. I sort of feel like this friend made me feel like I was "copping" out and "quitting." And maybe I was. But I was seriously unhappy. Maybe I've been unhappy for a number of reasons, and it wasn't just the work pressures. And maybe I should have stuck it out, but I tried. And unfortunately it didn't work out.

I know there are a lot of jobs out there...it's just a matter of selling myself. I know I have to have more confidence in myself too. I tend to lack in that department ::snickers:: I do think thou, that part of me is stressing about finding work because I don't know what it is I want to do. I mean, I know I want to go back to social work and working with other people. But the social work/human services department is a bit different here.

I feel like all of my jobs have just been "jobs..." but nothing in terms of a career move. When I came back from Australia in 2002, I got a job in social work. But I got the job, with the idea that this wasn't going to be a long term job. It was going to be something that would give me work experience until I could move to Australia. I was hoping that my last job would have been a job I could really grow into.

Awww, I better stop, before I get myself all worked up. I told myself I'd relax this week...and I need to do that ::laughing lightly::

New Kitten

My partner and I got a new kitten. I've been wanting one for quite some time, and we just haven't been able to find "the one." But this one kind of fell into our lap.

My partner's nephew's girlfriend rescued a kitten that some kick arse abandoned. Well, we don't know what really happened, but the girlfriend's mum found the kitten near their house. They first thought it was an opossum, and when they went to look for it, it scurried off. Then when the girlfriend's mum walked by the car, she saw two glimmering eyes peering from near the front tyre. The kitten was hiding under there.

The girlfriend really wanted to keep the kitten, but her dad hates cats. She came over last night (for my partner's birthday) and asked us if we wanted a free kitten...because her dad was going to have the kitten terminated after Tuesday if something wasn't done to the kitten. So we went over this afternoon, and my partner and I both fell in love with the kitten.

We actually won't pick it up until Saturday thou. Because we have another cat as it is, and a somewhat snobby one at that...we want to make sure someone is "babysitting" the two. We want to make sure that they get used to each other, before anything happens. And as I finish work this week, I'll be able to watch them for the first week or so.

We haven't thought up of a name..so any ideas would be great. I'll pass them onto my partner, so we can help decide.

She's sooo cute..so cuddly, and she has this ribbon that she loves to play with. She won't go to bed w/out the ribbon either. She's this ball of fluff, and has pretty blue eyes. But 99% sure she will lose the blue eyes when she gets older. Our cat Charlie had beautiful blue eyes...but she outgrew them. So I'm pretty sure this kitten will as well.

I was looking at her today and thought to myself "how could someone just dump this kitten?" Stuff like that makes me so angry, and so sad at the same time. I can't understand how people can just abandon helpless animals. I've known a number of people who have had animals sent to their places and dumped there...but I think it's b/c someone knows we'll look after the animal. But this poor kitten...when our nephew's girlfriend took her inside...she was absolutely starving. I'm just happy she's found a good home now.

More pictures to come :)