Am I a man hater?
Yesterday I got a message from a gentleman who had a few questions to ask me. He first stated that he knew I didn’t want to be bothered by men. Then he asked me 1) What about men and their penises make me want to throw up, and 2) if I had any male friends. I didn’t respond to his message, because I just wasn’t in the mood. But then later, I got thinking about his questions. I got to thinking, that a lot of my online life is pretty clear about not wanting to converse with men. And I realized, “I must come off as a real man hater.” And I thought I’d take the time to post as to the reasons for why I don’t converse with men, and to answer the nice questions, this nice man asked me ::smiles::
First question..what is it about men and their penises that makes me want to throw up?? Hmm, I would just like to first off say, that men don’t make me want to throw up, but the combination of a male and a penis do ::smirks and laughs:: A quote by Lea DeLaria (ever seen Will and Grace where Jack goes to nursing school, and his new teacher is a real meanie?? That’s the author of this quote I believe..but I could be wrong.) “It’s not that I don’t like penises, I just don’t like them on men.” And that quote holds very true. People try to tell me that isn’t it more than just the genitalia that makes a person. In truth, it is the whole person I’m attracted to. And there has never come a time where I’ve been completely attracted to a guy, at least not in the same realm as I have with women.
I have never had sex with a man, nor have I ever wanted to. Well, I take that back…in those awkward months where I thought I needed to fit in, and in order for me to do that, I had to giggle like a 12 year old when ever a guy came into view, the thought crossed my mind. Kissing guys during those “middle school” games did nothing for me. In high school when people were joking about “giving head” to a guy, or about a guy leaving a “pearl necklace” on a girl’s body….the thought of either happening to me made me want to vomit. I’ve seen penises in my lifetime (I was a direct care staff member for a house full of guys) and they’ve just been yucky to me. I’ve thankfully never seen an erect one. ::smirks:: But even in looking at pictures or watching movies, the look of the penis just turned me off. I was too busy checking out the ladies I think.
Just as str8 people don’t find the anatomy of the opposite sex appealing, I don’t find the penis appealing. I think dildos that are supposed to look real are pretty gross, and I’m not a fan of them. So every way you look at it, I’m just not attracted to the penis. I’m sure guys will swear to me that it’d give me the biggest orgasm I could imagine. Maybe so, but part of my orgasming process, is being emotionally invested with the person I’m currently with. And I know I just couldn’t find myself being able to do that with a guy. To pretty much sum up the first question..I’m just not attracted to the penis, nor am I attracted to men. Sure, I’ll say “he’s good looking” or “he has a nice body” but that’s as far as it goes. Just as women look at other women and say “she’s beautiful” that doesn’t automatically mean “I’m sexually attracted to women.” I love women, and everything that makes a woman a woman…and having a biological penis just doesn’t quite fit into the category for me.
Do I have male friends?? To be honest, no I don’t. Doesn’t mean I don’t get along with them. In high school I had a few guy friends, but soon after realized they weren’t my friends. LONG story, but friends don’t make fun of other friends on a constant basis. But that was high school I guess, at least that’s the lame-o-excuse I give to them. In university I didn’t have many guy friends. I didn’t come out till my second year of university so it wasn’t as though I didn’t have the chance to be-friend any guys. I just found it hard to find a comfortable level with guys. Maybe it was because I was coming to terms with my sexuality and I didn’t have time for them. Once I came out, everything was blissful. I befriended (sort of) a guy who was gay and he taught me a lot. He was a bit of a weird one, but that’s beside the point now isn’t it??
My job during my senior year of university, I worked at Safeway, and my PIC (Person In Charge) was a guy. And we got along really well. We sort of joked about if he was younger, not married, and I wasn’t gay, or a little older..we may have found each other attractive. No, it wasn’t sexual harassment, so don’t go there. We got along great, and I think part of it had to do with the fact that his sister was gay. He always asked me questions about being gay, and coming out, family reactions and such. We were great pals at work, and it was nice to have a friendship like that. But he was older, and we had some common links.
My last job in the states, there were a few guys that I worked with, and they were great friends. My best friend, or so called best friend, her partner was a guy, and we got along great. Maybe why we got along great was because he was dating my best friend, or maybe because he was very metro-sexual. He was very feminine, and when I first met him, I thought he was gay. He always teased that his girlfriend was his fag hag, because he always got hit on by other guys. If you saw him walking down the street, your gaydar would make you give a second glance. But he swears he’s not gay. But I stayed over at his house (with my best friend) and we hung out a lot outside of work. He has probably been the one true guy friend I’ve had.
My partner and I are friends with a male gay couple. They went through the same immigration process as us, and the one Aussie partner works with my partner. When my partner found out he was gay, she was shocked, and he was shocked to find out she was gay. He’s not out to people at work, but my partner is to some people. But my partner enjoys it now, because she has someone to talk to..especially about relationships, before she couldn’t really talk about it. I really like this gay couple. Maybe it’s because they’re gay, ::shrugs shoulders:: but I know I’d love to have more gay male friends. I have all the time in the world for gay men. I find them funny, innovative, and just good people to hang sh*t on. It may seem unfair to str8 men, that I’m friendly toward gay men but not as friendly toward str8 men. But with gay men, we have a lot more in common, and there’s just a level of comfortablility. Doesn’t mean I get along with all gay men, but I have more time for gay men than str8 men.
So yes, I have had male friends…but not very many of them. Online, I honestly don’t have time for guys. The main reasons why I don’t have time for them (str8 men mostly) is because they make assumptions once they hear I’m gay. Assumptions (though I know not every str8 man thinks with their dicks) such as 1) I just haven’t found the right guy to have sex with, 2) I’ve been sexually violated by a guy, so that’s why I’m gay….regardless of whether I have or not, that’s none of your f*cking business, 3) they want to somehow involve themselves or their female partner in some sexual fantasy, or 4) they just plain give me crap about being gay. Sometimes I’ve tried having a decent conversation with a guy. Things will start out nice “hi, how are you…good, and yourself? Yeh, very well thanks…so you got a boyfriend? No, I’m actually gay…” And that’s when all the moronic questions come surfacing. As I’ve said, I don’t have the time and/or patience to try and explain myself to people. I don’t go harassing people as to why they’re str8, or delve into their sex lives now do I?? So what gives guys the right to do that to me?
If guys didn’t think with their dicks, I’d be more than happy to talk to them. And I know not all men are like this. I’ve met some nice guys online. YES, there have been times where I’ve given a guy a chance to converse. But I do have to say, it doesn’t happen very often. I think maybe because I’m not online a lot, that I just don’t want to waste my time talking to small minded guys, and so that’s why I come off across as I do. Again, I know I’m making a huge generalization, so maybe I’m being small minded huh??
But in real life, I guess you could say….I’m not mean to guys and I don’t avoid them like the plague. I’ll smile at one if they make eye contact with me. I definitely don’t mean it in a flirty way, but more of as a nice gesture. There’s nothing more shocking, than to look at someone and they’ve got this look of death on their face. I work with guys and am very nice and cordial to them. And I’m sure that once I get more into a real job, I’ll be working with guys and going to events with them. I am not mean to them, and I don’t avoid them. Like I said, I’m nice. Am I making sense here?? I hope I am, because it’s totally not my intention to come off as a man hater.
I think that’s a big mis-conception with lesbians. Many people believe that lesbians are man haters because they’re with women. Many people also believe feminists to be man haters, as well as lesbians. There are not mutually exclusive though, let me tell you. I know a lot of lesbians who have a lot of great male friends. I also know a lot of feminists who are very much straight, just believe in the equality of women.
So to summarize, NO, I’m not a man hater. I have no problems with men commenting on my blogs, or leaving me messages. But whether I’ll answer it, that is another thing. I don’t add men to my yahoo 360, so there’s no point in trying. I make it pretty clear that I don’t, so it’s the guys’ own stupidity to try and think that I’d approve their invite. Not going to happen, not in this lifetime. But that’s my own decision. Just as I don’t choose to add women who are openly bisexual. I know, that’s bad of me…I’m not embracing diversity like I should be. But that’s my own decision. My embracing diversity is defined by my conditions. But I’m not rude about it my denying. I usually just ignore the invite ::smirks:: But I’m not a man hater, and I sometimes resent the implication, but people are entitled to make their own assumptions about me. I know I have made quite a few in this post alone.
To finish this post off, I’d like to end it with a quote “I don’t hate men, I just don’t date them….” enough said.
-current mood- HUNGRY, haven't eaten all day.
First question..what is it about men and their penises that makes me want to throw up?? Hmm, I would just like to first off say, that men don’t make me want to throw up, but the combination of a male and a penis do ::smirks and laughs:: A quote by Lea DeLaria (ever seen Will and Grace where Jack goes to nursing school, and his new teacher is a real meanie?? That’s the author of this quote I believe..but I could be wrong.) “It’s not that I don’t like penises, I just don’t like them on men.” And that quote holds very true. People try to tell me that isn’t it more than just the genitalia that makes a person. In truth, it is the whole person I’m attracted to. And there has never come a time where I’ve been completely attracted to a guy, at least not in the same realm as I have with women.
I have never had sex with a man, nor have I ever wanted to. Well, I take that back…in those awkward months where I thought I needed to fit in, and in order for me to do that, I had to giggle like a 12 year old when ever a guy came into view, the thought crossed my mind. Kissing guys during those “middle school” games did nothing for me. In high school when people were joking about “giving head” to a guy, or about a guy leaving a “pearl necklace” on a girl’s body….the thought of either happening to me made me want to vomit. I’ve seen penises in my lifetime (I was a direct care staff member for a house full of guys) and they’ve just been yucky to me. I’ve thankfully never seen an erect one. ::smirks:: But even in looking at pictures or watching movies, the look of the penis just turned me off. I was too busy checking out the ladies I think.
Just as str8 people don’t find the anatomy of the opposite sex appealing, I don’t find the penis appealing. I think dildos that are supposed to look real are pretty gross, and I’m not a fan of them. So every way you look at it, I’m just not attracted to the penis. I’m sure guys will swear to me that it’d give me the biggest orgasm I could imagine. Maybe so, but part of my orgasming process, is being emotionally invested with the person I’m currently with. And I know I just couldn’t find myself being able to do that with a guy. To pretty much sum up the first question..I’m just not attracted to the penis, nor am I attracted to men. Sure, I’ll say “he’s good looking” or “he has a nice body” but that’s as far as it goes. Just as women look at other women and say “she’s beautiful” that doesn’t automatically mean “I’m sexually attracted to women.” I love women, and everything that makes a woman a woman…and having a biological penis just doesn’t quite fit into the category for me.
Do I have male friends?? To be honest, no I don’t. Doesn’t mean I don’t get along with them. In high school I had a few guy friends, but soon after realized they weren’t my friends. LONG story, but friends don’t make fun of other friends on a constant basis. But that was high school I guess, at least that’s the lame-o-excuse I give to them. In university I didn’t have many guy friends. I didn’t come out till my second year of university so it wasn’t as though I didn’t have the chance to be-friend any guys. I just found it hard to find a comfortable level with guys. Maybe it was because I was coming to terms with my sexuality and I didn’t have time for them. Once I came out, everything was blissful. I befriended (sort of) a guy who was gay and he taught me a lot. He was a bit of a weird one, but that’s beside the point now isn’t it??
My job during my senior year of university, I worked at Safeway, and my PIC (Person In Charge) was a guy. And we got along really well. We sort of joked about if he was younger, not married, and I wasn’t gay, or a little older..we may have found each other attractive. No, it wasn’t sexual harassment, so don’t go there. We got along great, and I think part of it had to do with the fact that his sister was gay. He always asked me questions about being gay, and coming out, family reactions and such. We were great pals at work, and it was nice to have a friendship like that. But he was older, and we had some common links.
My last job in the states, there were a few guys that I worked with, and they were great friends. My best friend, or so called best friend, her partner was a guy, and we got along great. Maybe why we got along great was because he was dating my best friend, or maybe because he was very metro-sexual. He was very feminine, and when I first met him, I thought he was gay. He always teased that his girlfriend was his fag hag, because he always got hit on by other guys. If you saw him walking down the street, your gaydar would make you give a second glance. But he swears he’s not gay. But I stayed over at his house (with my best friend) and we hung out a lot outside of work. He has probably been the one true guy friend I’ve had.
My partner and I are friends with a male gay couple. They went through the same immigration process as us, and the one Aussie partner works with my partner. When my partner found out he was gay, she was shocked, and he was shocked to find out she was gay. He’s not out to people at work, but my partner is to some people. But my partner enjoys it now, because she has someone to talk to..especially about relationships, before she couldn’t really talk about it. I really like this gay couple. Maybe it’s because they’re gay, ::shrugs shoulders:: but I know I’d love to have more gay male friends. I have all the time in the world for gay men. I find them funny, innovative, and just good people to hang sh*t on. It may seem unfair to str8 men, that I’m friendly toward gay men but not as friendly toward str8 men. But with gay men, we have a lot more in common, and there’s just a level of comfortablility. Doesn’t mean I get along with all gay men, but I have more time for gay men than str8 men.
So yes, I have had male friends…but not very many of them. Online, I honestly don’t have time for guys. The main reasons why I don’t have time for them (str8 men mostly) is because they make assumptions once they hear I’m gay. Assumptions (though I know not every str8 man thinks with their dicks) such as 1) I just haven’t found the right guy to have sex with, 2) I’ve been sexually violated by a guy, so that’s why I’m gay….regardless of whether I have or not, that’s none of your f*cking business, 3) they want to somehow involve themselves or their female partner in some sexual fantasy, or 4) they just plain give me crap about being gay. Sometimes I’ve tried having a decent conversation with a guy. Things will start out nice “hi, how are you…good, and yourself? Yeh, very well thanks…so you got a boyfriend? No, I’m actually gay…” And that’s when all the moronic questions come surfacing. As I’ve said, I don’t have the time and/or patience to try and explain myself to people. I don’t go harassing people as to why they’re str8, or delve into their sex lives now do I?? So what gives guys the right to do that to me?
If guys didn’t think with their dicks, I’d be more than happy to talk to them. And I know not all men are like this. I’ve met some nice guys online. YES, there have been times where I’ve given a guy a chance to converse. But I do have to say, it doesn’t happen very often. I think maybe because I’m not online a lot, that I just don’t want to waste my time talking to small minded guys, and so that’s why I come off across as I do. Again, I know I’m making a huge generalization, so maybe I’m being small minded huh??
But in real life, I guess you could say….I’m not mean to guys and I don’t avoid them like the plague. I’ll smile at one if they make eye contact with me. I definitely don’t mean it in a flirty way, but more of as a nice gesture. There’s nothing more shocking, than to look at someone and they’ve got this look of death on their face. I work with guys and am very nice and cordial to them. And I’m sure that once I get more into a real job, I’ll be working with guys and going to events with them. I am not mean to them, and I don’t avoid them. Like I said, I’m nice. Am I making sense here?? I hope I am, because it’s totally not my intention to come off as a man hater.
I think that’s a big mis-conception with lesbians. Many people believe that lesbians are man haters because they’re with women. Many people also believe feminists to be man haters, as well as lesbians. There are not mutually exclusive though, let me tell you. I know a lot of lesbians who have a lot of great male friends. I also know a lot of feminists who are very much straight, just believe in the equality of women.
So to summarize, NO, I’m not a man hater. I have no problems with men commenting on my blogs, or leaving me messages. But whether I’ll answer it, that is another thing. I don’t add men to my yahoo 360, so there’s no point in trying. I make it pretty clear that I don’t, so it’s the guys’ own stupidity to try and think that I’d approve their invite. Not going to happen, not in this lifetime. But that’s my own decision. Just as I don’t choose to add women who are openly bisexual. I know, that’s bad of me…I’m not embracing diversity like I should be. But that’s my own decision. My embracing diversity is defined by my conditions. But I’m not rude about it my denying. I usually just ignore the invite ::smirks:: But I’m not a man hater, and I sometimes resent the implication, but people are entitled to make their own assumptions about me. I know I have made quite a few in this post alone.
To finish this post off, I’d like to end it with a quote “I don’t hate men, I just don’t date them….” enough said.
-current mood- HUNGRY, haven't eaten all day.
posted by Gaylicious© at Saturday, January 14, 2006
2 Comments:
I so know where you're coming from G; because i've experienced the same thing.
I know you know what i'm going to say, but it's for the record and the people who don't know me: I'm also a lesbian and a feminist. And i'm not a man-hater as well.
You go, gurl! i'm behind you all the way :D
You definately covered the gamut of heterosexual male idiocy in your post.
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