Transgendered Issues, part II

To people who are not transgendered, they may have this belief that if you’re born male, you will always be labelled as such. If this is the view of some people, would that mean, that someone who was F2M was and will always be “deep down” female? I remember reading awhile back, that someone believed that someone who was born male, will always be thought as male..even if they transition fully into a female. And with this thought, that they would never be fully accepted into any sort of community. This question was raised in a group I was in. I had no problem with allowing transgendered individuals into our group. But some other people thought that there was still a part of “maleness” in the person, and that they didn’t feel comfortable enough allowing such people into the group. Now I may be totally way off base here, but that is sort of what I remember. I remember a question about transgendered individuals came up, and then the topic and debate of whether to allow someone who was once male into the group came up. It was all cleared up, and everything was fine.

But personally, I don’t think it’s anyone elses’ place to say whether one is male or female. It’s hard enough being who we are, but to be condemned from one group to the next, and not being able to fit in, because you don’t fit the specific definition of gender, it makes for confusing times. Biology is not always right when it comes to the sex and gender of a baby. Is it just male and female, or is it more? THAT in itself is saved for another post entry . But back to biology, XX and XY doesn’t always mean what science has typically said it means. There are women out there who have XY chromosomes and men who have XX chromosomes. There are a number of other hormonal deficiences that either add or subtract chromosomes, so how does one identify themselves then? So with all of these differences, can we as individuals really define someones sex/gender?

In one aspect, I feel like there is a double standard for me. I can’t see myself being with a F2M because they now would identify themselves as male, regardless of whether they had a penis or not. But I don’t know if I could allow myself to be comfortable being with a M2F, because I would have in my head that they were once male. I don’t know if I could get past those thoughts. Would I be labelled less of a lesbian (if there is even such a thing) because I was now with someone who identified as male? But there is more to my feelings than wondering what others would see me as. More than likely, people would see me as a heterosexual woman who was involved with a heterosexual man. But that brings another question…how would my partner identify themselves? Being “female” and being with me, a female, they would more than likely have identified as a lesbian. But now they went through the transition, would this now mean they’d identify as a heterosexual? So in both aspects, the two people’s own identities that they had instilled on themselves for so much time, were now being swiped away. Or is there such a thing as a F2M lesbian? But that seems illogical, because how can a lesbian be male?

Is being with someone just about gender or does their anatomy matter as well? Could I see myself being with someone who was intersexed? If they still identified as female, but just happened to have a penis as well as breasts, could I be with someone like that? Some may say anatomy isn’t an issue, that it’s about the person and who they are. But isn’t part of loving someone and being with someone, also loving their anatomy? Isn’t that why we all prefer to be with certain people, for the physical and sexual gratification that these “parts” give to us? I know for me, there isn’t anything “nice” about a penis. I’ve been a fortunate one, who didn’t have to have sex with a man, or have to have sex in general, to know that I was gay…I just knew. But it seems like anatomy would be a major hurdle I’d have to overcome, if I could, if I was to decide to be with a transgendered individual or stay with someone who decided to transition.

To be continued…

-current mood-QUEASY, have an upset stomach.