Transgendered Issues, part I
The topic of transgenderism has been something of interest to me. Being part of the gay and lesbian community, I have found through the years since coming out, that transgenderism is something of equal interest. I've done a lot of reading and research on the topic but yet I still feel completely in the dark about this issue. At my last work place in the states, transgenderism was a topic emphasized as something we had to be sensitive to. Working with homeless, runaway and at risk youth, we had some youth who identified as transgendered. In the 2 years that I worked there, our workplace became more culturally sensitive to transgendered youth. And with working with the few people that did come our way, I got a better understanding of what it was like to be transgendered.
Someone once recently asked "have you or would you ever date someone who identified as transgendered?" And I still have yet to answer this question. This question to me, is not a simple "yes" or "no" answer. There seems to be many factors in this question that I don't know if I could give a definite answer. It's just something, that when I think more about the question, more questions of my own come into play.
So many questions come to mind. Questions that I sometimes feel skeptical in asking. I feel skeptical in asking certain things because I know that some people may get offended or take what I say the wrong way. But then I realize that my own ignorance (whether it be on purpose or not, who knows) is my own thing. And I should be able to ask things and make my own speculations without sounding like a complete moron. My own questions and curiosities are not geared to be demeaning or hurtful, it's just that I truly am oblivious to a lot of transgendered issues.
My first thought, when the idea of me being involved with someone who identifies as F2M (female 2 male) is "how can I identify myself as a lesbian, if I'm with someone who identifies as male?" A person who identifies as F2M believes they are male. So how could I, a woman who loves only women, be with someone who believed they were in fact male? It's one thing to label yourself as butch, but if you're F2M, you're not butch, you feel like you were in fact in the wrong body at birth. And as part of my convictions and own ideas, the idea of being with a male, biologically or not, I can't see myself in that position. But does this mean that I'm more worried about my own identity, or is it something else, or maybe even a combination?
Aside from identifying as male, there is another issue at hand. As a lesbian, I love the female body. I love everything that consumes the female body. I love to cuddle up next to a set of breasts (not flat ones) and to feel and smell the essence of a woman. Being a lesbian is loving women and everything about them. If a F2M went through the complete transition, they would be getting rid of the one thing that I love most, that of being a woman. They would also be adding something that I never, nor ever will I want a part of..that being a penis. So how would I, a lesbian, be able to cope with someone who now had a penis? I don't think I would be able to. And honestly, I don't know if I'd want to.
If we look at this from a heterosexual point of view, since many of you may be indeed heterosexual, let's see how it looks. If a man married or was involved with a woman and this woman decides to come out that she infact believes she is a man, goes through the operation and now has a penis, how is her male partner to react? How would YOU react, if your wife or female partner realizes that all those feelings growing up are now resurfacing and she knows that she needs to let you know that she feels like she's trapped in the wrong body? For so much of this man's life, he was with women..intimiately and maybe not so intimately. Now he's being faced with the prospect that his life partner, now has a penis. What would one do? Will the male partner be able to see past the penis and stay with the F2M because they made a vow in front of God? Does this now make him gay? Would me be being with a F2M then make me heterosexual? And how would I react to this notion? Knowing how hard it was for me to come out as gay, to then go back into the closet and say in fact "no I'm actually heterosexual because I'm with someone who now identifies as male?"
In a lot of the research I've done, I've mainly heard of M2F cases. Very seldom do I hear about F2M cases. And a lot of emphasis in M2F cases revolve around the female partner in the relationship and whether she decides to stay with her partner that she thought was male for so long. Some people say that they'd stay with their partner, regardless of whether they made the transition or not. And it may seem like such an easy question to answer when love is in the picture. But for someone who always believed they were heterosexual, they now have to grapple with the idea of whether they're going to identify as gay now, now that they're with a woman. And could a woman who was so used to dating someone with a penis, be comfortable being intimiate with someone who now had a vagina?
With F2M cases, I've never met or read a situation where the F2M was in a heterosexual relationship to begin with. All the cases I've heard, are F2M who are in lesbian relationships, who then transition. Many may argue that in the lesbian community, maybe a F2M secretly always wanted to be male..but being "stone butch" wasn't good enough for them. But in truth, F2M individuals DO believe they were supposed to be born male.
With all of this said thus far, I often wonder where the stigma lies more prevalently. You watch the Jerry Springer show, and you see how transsexuals are portrayed, mainly M2F transsexuals. Are M2F transsexuals more stigmatized then F2M transsexuals? And another question, is one identified as a transsexual, if they decide to go through the transition, whether it's the full transition or not? I know what pre-on and post-op means, but is the label of transsexual defined as someone who is transgendered and going through the transition? Yet again, another question I have.
To be continued....
-current mood-RELAXED, just came from being outside in the sun.
Someone once recently asked "have you or would you ever date someone who identified as transgendered?" And I still have yet to answer this question. This question to me, is not a simple "yes" or "no" answer. There seems to be many factors in this question that I don't know if I could give a definite answer. It's just something, that when I think more about the question, more questions of my own come into play.
So many questions come to mind. Questions that I sometimes feel skeptical in asking. I feel skeptical in asking certain things because I know that some people may get offended or take what I say the wrong way. But then I realize that my own ignorance (whether it be on purpose or not, who knows) is my own thing. And I should be able to ask things and make my own speculations without sounding like a complete moron. My own questions and curiosities are not geared to be demeaning or hurtful, it's just that I truly am oblivious to a lot of transgendered issues.
My first thought, when the idea of me being involved with someone who identifies as F2M (female 2 male) is "how can I identify myself as a lesbian, if I'm with someone who identifies as male?" A person who identifies as F2M believes they are male. So how could I, a woman who loves only women, be with someone who believed they were in fact male? It's one thing to label yourself as butch, but if you're F2M, you're not butch, you feel like you were in fact in the wrong body at birth. And as part of my convictions and own ideas, the idea of being with a male, biologically or not, I can't see myself in that position. But does this mean that I'm more worried about my own identity, or is it something else, or maybe even a combination?
Aside from identifying as male, there is another issue at hand. As a lesbian, I love the female body. I love everything that consumes the female body. I love to cuddle up next to a set of breasts (not flat ones) and to feel and smell the essence of a woman. Being a lesbian is loving women and everything about them. If a F2M went through the complete transition, they would be getting rid of the one thing that I love most, that of being a woman. They would also be adding something that I never, nor ever will I want a part of..that being a penis. So how would I, a lesbian, be able to cope with someone who now had a penis? I don't think I would be able to. And honestly, I don't know if I'd want to.
If we look at this from a heterosexual point of view, since many of you may be indeed heterosexual, let's see how it looks. If a man married or was involved with a woman and this woman decides to come out that she infact believes she is a man, goes through the operation and now has a penis, how is her male partner to react? How would YOU react, if your wife or female partner realizes that all those feelings growing up are now resurfacing and she knows that she needs to let you know that she feels like she's trapped in the wrong body? For so much of this man's life, he was with women..intimiately and maybe not so intimately. Now he's being faced with the prospect that his life partner, now has a penis. What would one do? Will the male partner be able to see past the penis and stay with the F2M because they made a vow in front of God? Does this now make him gay? Would me be being with a F2M then make me heterosexual? And how would I react to this notion? Knowing how hard it was for me to come out as gay, to then go back into the closet and say in fact "no I'm actually heterosexual because I'm with someone who now identifies as male?"
In a lot of the research I've done, I've mainly heard of M2F cases. Very seldom do I hear about F2M cases. And a lot of emphasis in M2F cases revolve around the female partner in the relationship and whether she decides to stay with her partner that she thought was male for so long. Some people say that they'd stay with their partner, regardless of whether they made the transition or not. And it may seem like such an easy question to answer when love is in the picture. But for someone who always believed they were heterosexual, they now have to grapple with the idea of whether they're going to identify as gay now, now that they're with a woman. And could a woman who was so used to dating someone with a penis, be comfortable being intimiate with someone who now had a vagina?
With F2M cases, I've never met or read a situation where the F2M was in a heterosexual relationship to begin with. All the cases I've heard, are F2M who are in lesbian relationships, who then transition. Many may argue that in the lesbian community, maybe a F2M secretly always wanted to be male..but being "stone butch" wasn't good enough for them. But in truth, F2M individuals DO believe they were supposed to be born male.
With all of this said thus far, I often wonder where the stigma lies more prevalently. You watch the Jerry Springer show, and you see how transsexuals are portrayed, mainly M2F transsexuals. Are M2F transsexuals more stigmatized then F2M transsexuals? And another question, is one identified as a transsexual, if they decide to go through the transition, whether it's the full transition or not? I know what pre-on and post-op means, but is the label of transsexual defined as someone who is transgendered and going through the transition? Yet again, another question I have.
To be continued....
-current mood-RELAXED, just came from being outside in the sun.
posted by Gaylicious© at Wednesday, November 16, 2005
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