Remembering Faces
A couple of nights ago, I had a dream that involved my first crush. I was 17, she was 25, and the summer I met her, was the greatest summer of my life. At the same time, it was one of the most agonizing summers. I wasn’t out to myself, or the world for that matter. But this woman, was the first person I’d ever looked at and thought to myself “I could see myself spending my life with her.” I told myself I wasn’t gay, but I loved this woman on so many levels.
Unfortunately for me I never got a picture of this woman. The only picture I have, is in my head. And even then, it isn’t a thorough picture. I wish I had a picture of her..but the chance never arose for me to take one. And besides, aside from everything that happened, it just would have been a little bit creepy for me to ask to take her picture. But I’m smacking myself right now because I didn’t.
Even though I don’t have a picture of her, and can’t remember every detail of what she looks like….when ever I have a dream, she’s clear as day in terms of physical description. I can only get a “true” sense of what she looked like, based on what I remember in my dreams.
I had a vivid dream last night, where I came back home for the holidays, and I went to the store where we worked during the summer of 96’. In the dream, she pretty much asks for me to be her girlfriend……and I had to decide whether I wanted to be her girlfriend, take the risk of breaking up with my current partner, to see if things would work with her. I was humming and hawwing’ about it, because that would have meant we would have to call Immigration and cancel our application. That also meant that I had to stay home in the states. And as much as I miss my family right now, I don’t really want to go back home to LIVE. But the funny thing is…my girlfriend in my dream, wasn’t my current girlfriend, but a girl I went to school with. I had NO attraction to her what so ever, but we were good mates. Maybe that’s why she was in my dream.
I don’t remember what my decision was, because I was woken up by the alarm. But all morning, I was cursing at myself, because I can’t remember what my first crush looks like. But yet in my dreams, she seemed very clear to me. Even when I try to think about my dream, I can’t remember every detail. But I know IN my dream, when I was in fact dreaming, it was so real, and so was she.
-current mood-DREADING TOMORROW, I have a long day....not looking forward to it.
Unfortunately for me I never got a picture of this woman. The only picture I have, is in my head. And even then, it isn’t a thorough picture. I wish I had a picture of her..but the chance never arose for me to take one. And besides, aside from everything that happened, it just would have been a little bit creepy for me to ask to take her picture. But I’m smacking myself right now because I didn’t.
Even though I don’t have a picture of her, and can’t remember every detail of what she looks like….when ever I have a dream, she’s clear as day in terms of physical description. I can only get a “true” sense of what she looked like, based on what I remember in my dreams.
I had a vivid dream last night, where I came back home for the holidays, and I went to the store where we worked during the summer of 96’. In the dream, she pretty much asks for me to be her girlfriend……and I had to decide whether I wanted to be her girlfriend, take the risk of breaking up with my current partner, to see if things would work with her. I was humming and hawwing’ about it, because that would have meant we would have to call Immigration and cancel our application. That also meant that I had to stay home in the states. And as much as I miss my family right now, I don’t really want to go back home to LIVE. But the funny thing is…my girlfriend in my dream, wasn’t my current girlfriend, but a girl I went to school with. I had NO attraction to her what so ever, but we were good mates. Maybe that’s why she was in my dream.
I don’t remember what my decision was, because I was woken up by the alarm. But all morning, I was cursing at myself, because I can’t remember what my first crush looks like. But yet in my dreams, she seemed very clear to me. Even when I try to think about my dream, I can’t remember every detail. But I know IN my dream, when I was in fact dreaming, it was so real, and so was she.
-current mood-DREADING TOMORROW, I have a long day....not looking forward to it.
posted by Gaylicious© at Wednesday, March 22, 2006
2 Comments:
Hi there.. I'm 'harlieboi' on yahoo 360. i was interested in the pic you have on that blog, the one in the middle under the main pic. did you create the pic there? then as i browsed down, i noticed you had a home page/another blog, so i popped over. i've browsed your 360 a few other times too and found it impressive. i liked the 'dream' btw... have a good one!
.. 'keepin it real' ~harlie~ ..
Harlie,
Don't know how to contact you, so hopefully you'll get this comment.
A friend that is teaching me how to do PSP and graphic designing online made it for me. She did a "boo boo" and to make it up, she made me the tag :)
-G-
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