Growing up in a small town...
Does it make one more likely to stay in that small town, or does one decide to venture off??
You watch movies, or tv specials about people who grow up on small towns, and will do anything to get out of the life they've known. Nothing wrong with growing up in a small town, I did myself. But I can remember when I was about 15-16, I knew that I NEEDED to leave. I knew that I wasn't going to remain where I lived, because I just couldn't handle it. Maybe it was because I was coming to terms with my sexuality, maybe it was because I never really felt like I fit in. But I knew I wanted to make something of myself, no matter what it took.
Since being reconnected to myspace, it's really opened my eyes to people I knew back in school. And I might like to add, it's been a wonderful experience thus far. A friend of mine, was giving me the updates on people, since I haven't seen or heard from anyone for a number of years. She said that most people who "didn't get away" ended up staying and having babies. That got me to thinking....does growing up in a small town, make someone more likely to stay in that town, and get married and have a family pretty quickly after high school? Or in some cases, while still in high school? Not that having babies and getting married is bad or wrong ::snickers::
Maybe I'm thinking differently because a) I can't biologically have kids, unless I wanted to spend heaps of $$ for a sperm donor, and 2) I can't get married. But if I were straight, would I have still stayed in Oregon? Would I be married by now with any kids? If I can even think in that frame of mind, I'd have to say no to both. Growing up, I never had my dream wedding planned out, and I never dreamt of Prince Charming to swoop me off my feet and ride away into the sunset. Nor did I ever think about wanting to have kids. IF I did, I knew I wanted to adopt.
I think with the way my parents raised me, they knew that I didn't want to stay in my hometown. They knew that there was a whole world out there for me, and they knew that I wanted to explore it as much as I could. Little did they know, that I'd literally explore another part of the world, and end up staying. I find it kind of ironic, with me knowing that I wanted to get as far from my growing up ground as I could..and look where I ended up.
But some of the people I've been reading about, have either stayed close to home, or have moved. But something always brings them back home, for one reason or another. That's different for me, in the sense that even though I want to go home, it'd only be for a holiday. I have no desire what so ever, to come back to Oregon to live. If I were to come back home, I'd want to either live in San Francisco, or Seattle.
But I often ask myself why wouldn't I want to come back home? Am I afraid of what others will think of me? And not only in terms of who I am as a person, but what I have done with myself for the last 10 years? But why should I worry? High school is high school, a part of our lives. But what's happened, has happened, and we can only joke and laugh about how we used to be. But people change, and I've already mentioned this. I may not have changed much physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, I'm a completely different person. Not that, that is anything to be ashamed of. I'm sure there are a lot of people who have changed just as much as me, if not more.
But at the end of the day..I know I'm happy with where I am. But I still boggle myself sometimes, wondering "what would have happened..." But I know I can't think about that. I certainly don't have any regrets, but I often wonder if there would have been things I would have done differently.
You watch movies, or tv specials about people who grow up on small towns, and will do anything to get out of the life they've known. Nothing wrong with growing up in a small town, I did myself. But I can remember when I was about 15-16, I knew that I NEEDED to leave. I knew that I wasn't going to remain where I lived, because I just couldn't handle it. Maybe it was because I was coming to terms with my sexuality, maybe it was because I never really felt like I fit in. But I knew I wanted to make something of myself, no matter what it took.
Since being reconnected to myspace, it's really opened my eyes to people I knew back in school. And I might like to add, it's been a wonderful experience thus far. A friend of mine, was giving me the updates on people, since I haven't seen or heard from anyone for a number of years. She said that most people who "didn't get away" ended up staying and having babies. That got me to thinking....does growing up in a small town, make someone more likely to stay in that town, and get married and have a family pretty quickly after high school? Or in some cases, while still in high school? Not that having babies and getting married is bad or wrong ::snickers::
Maybe I'm thinking differently because a) I can't biologically have kids, unless I wanted to spend heaps of $$ for a sperm donor, and 2) I can't get married. But if I were straight, would I have still stayed in Oregon? Would I be married by now with any kids? If I can even think in that frame of mind, I'd have to say no to both. Growing up, I never had my dream wedding planned out, and I never dreamt of Prince Charming to swoop me off my feet and ride away into the sunset. Nor did I ever think about wanting to have kids. IF I did, I knew I wanted to adopt.
I think with the way my parents raised me, they knew that I didn't want to stay in my hometown. They knew that there was a whole world out there for me, and they knew that I wanted to explore it as much as I could. Little did they know, that I'd literally explore another part of the world, and end up staying. I find it kind of ironic, with me knowing that I wanted to get as far from my growing up ground as I could..and look where I ended up.
But some of the people I've been reading about, have either stayed close to home, or have moved. But something always brings them back home, for one reason or another. That's different for me, in the sense that even though I want to go home, it'd only be for a holiday. I have no desire what so ever, to come back to Oregon to live. If I were to come back home, I'd want to either live in San Francisco, or Seattle.
But I often ask myself why wouldn't I want to come back home? Am I afraid of what others will think of me? And not only in terms of who I am as a person, but what I have done with myself for the last 10 years? But why should I worry? High school is high school, a part of our lives. But what's happened, has happened, and we can only joke and laugh about how we used to be. But people change, and I've already mentioned this. I may not have changed much physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, I'm a completely different person. Not that, that is anything to be ashamed of. I'm sure there are a lot of people who have changed just as much as me, if not more.
But at the end of the day..I know I'm happy with where I am. But I still boggle myself sometimes, wondering "what would have happened..." But I know I can't think about that. I certainly don't have any regrets, but I often wonder if there would have been things I would have done differently.
posted by Gaylicious© at Saturday, May 20, 2006
2 Comments:
All I want to know is, do you know my sister Ellen? (grin) She's been in Australia for umpteen years, in the Melbourne area, and even though it's a big city, it always suprises me what a small world it is, so I figured I'd at least ask! Great blog, and I'll read more later.
To Mike
::smirks:: I can't say I know your sister. I've only been in Melbourne for about 2 years now. But even so, I highly doubt I would have come across your sister. But thanks for asking, you silly bugger!!
Cheers
-G-
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