High School
I recently caught up with a friend from high school. She was one of my good friends, a genuine gal, that loved the game of basketball. Since graduation, we've kept in contact on and off, but it's been hard for us to keep in touch. With the move I've made, her having a baby, it's just been difficult. But she recently contacted me on myspace.com.
The topic of our 10 year high school reunion came up, and she asked me if I was thinking about attending. This has been a topic of conversation with my family and my partner. I say this, only because in high school I wasn't out. I got made fun of, for being a book worm, not having sex, and then being a lesbian, because of a friendship I had established with a woman.
I understand that people in high school are just that, people in high school. People change, and I know I certainly have. But back in high school, there were many nights where I felt really uncomfortable. Often I'd feel left out, and out of sync with everyone. I felt different and even though I had a lot of friends, I still never felt completely happy.
When the lesbian baiting started, it really got to me. Sure they were "teasing me" but it was during a period of my life, where I was really questioning my sexuality. And I didn't need outside sources making things more difficult.
I feel like, if I DID come back for my 10 year reunion, I'd have to explain myself. And frankly I don't want to. I know there will be people who won't understand, and I don't expect everyone to. But I can just imagine people snickering, and thinking of gawd knows what, behind my back. I don't want to be the laughing stock of my high school reunion. I can't guarantee I even would be, but since high school, I've realized I don't have time for small minded people. And that's exactly what happened in high school.
I know I should give people the benefit of the doubt. Who knows, people could really care less. But the school I graduated from, it was small, from a small town. I just can't really imagine people embracing me.
Aside from my sexuality, will the reunion be this competition of who's done better? Who grew up to be the most successful? Who changed the most? Have the so called "nerds" (yes I was one) grown up to be these hot items? (NO that wouldn't be me..lol)
As enjoyable and fun as it may be to catch up with people I haven't seen for 10 years, I just don't know if I have the patience to go back. In truth, I sort of have an excuse. The reunion will be in the summer, and since I'm going back home this Christmas, I can't afford to go back home 6-7 months later.
I told my friend that I wanted to see pictures and to hear how it went. But I just don't know if I'm ready to "face the music" as I said to her. But I could totally be jumping to conclusions. She was more than okay with me coming out to her, and a few other guy friends I had in high school, seemed "okay" with it too, when I told them while in college. But these people I've told, were not the people who used to tease me in high school. So I felt more comfortable confiding in them, than I would others.
People may surprise me yet. But for the time being, I don't think I'll go back to my 10 year reunion. That doesn't mean I won't go back at Christmas and maybe catch up with a few people.
The topic of our 10 year high school reunion came up, and she asked me if I was thinking about attending. This has been a topic of conversation with my family and my partner. I say this, only because in high school I wasn't out. I got made fun of, for being a book worm, not having sex, and then being a lesbian, because of a friendship I had established with a woman.
I understand that people in high school are just that, people in high school. People change, and I know I certainly have. But back in high school, there were many nights where I felt really uncomfortable. Often I'd feel left out, and out of sync with everyone. I felt different and even though I had a lot of friends, I still never felt completely happy.
When the lesbian baiting started, it really got to me. Sure they were "teasing me" but it was during a period of my life, where I was really questioning my sexuality. And I didn't need outside sources making things more difficult.
I feel like, if I DID come back for my 10 year reunion, I'd have to explain myself. And frankly I don't want to. I know there will be people who won't understand, and I don't expect everyone to. But I can just imagine people snickering, and thinking of gawd knows what, behind my back. I don't want to be the laughing stock of my high school reunion. I can't guarantee I even would be, but since high school, I've realized I don't have time for small minded people. And that's exactly what happened in high school.
I know I should give people the benefit of the doubt. Who knows, people could really care less. But the school I graduated from, it was small, from a small town. I just can't really imagine people embracing me.
Aside from my sexuality, will the reunion be this competition of who's done better? Who grew up to be the most successful? Who changed the most? Have the so called "nerds" (yes I was one) grown up to be these hot items? (NO that wouldn't be me..lol)
As enjoyable and fun as it may be to catch up with people I haven't seen for 10 years, I just don't know if I have the patience to go back. In truth, I sort of have an excuse. The reunion will be in the summer, and since I'm going back home this Christmas, I can't afford to go back home 6-7 months later.
I told my friend that I wanted to see pictures and to hear how it went. But I just don't know if I'm ready to "face the music" as I said to her. But I could totally be jumping to conclusions. She was more than okay with me coming out to her, and a few other guy friends I had in high school, seemed "okay" with it too, when I told them while in college. But these people I've told, were not the people who used to tease me in high school. So I felt more comfortable confiding in them, than I would others.
People may surprise me yet. But for the time being, I don't think I'll go back to my 10 year reunion. That doesn't mean I won't go back at Christmas and maybe catch up with a few people.
posted by Gaylicious© at Monday, May 15, 2006
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