Family conflict
Ever since I’ve known my partner and her family, there’s always been this sense of “being left out” that my partner has felt. She used to tell me how her family (two sisters) would never come visit her. Her sisters both live in the same suburb as my partner and I…and 7 years later, this sort of stuff is still going on. Even when one of my partner’s sisters was living across the street from my partner, she’d never come and visit. When she moved out of the house, and still came to visit the new people in the house, she’d never come visit. The “excuse” that the sisters always gave, was that my partner was on afternoon shift, so they didn’t want to disrupt her sleeping. But my partner wakes up at like noon, sometimes 11:30, there is still plenty of time to visit and have her get ready for work.
There was a period of time, where my partner just said to herself “self, I’m not going to make any effort to contact my family, and see what happens.” This went on for over a month, and in that month, no one contacted her. So in truth, my partner stated that if she died one day, no one would know of this. It was disheartening to listen to my partner talk about her family like this.
At first, I didn’t think it happened as often as my partner had stated it did. But once I actually got to stay with my partner, whether it was for a month, or a year, it was evident that her family just don’t seem to realize what they do. It’s not just her sisters, it’s also her dad, who moved to the same suburb about 5 years ago. All three family members live within 5 minutes from each other. But yet, the two sisters visit each other, and the father visits one of the sisters…mostly because he takes his grandkids to breakfast every other Saturday. But why is it, that they visit each other, they ring each other, they talk to each other on the computer, but yet rarely involve my partner. One sister will even go as far as putting herself on invisible, AS SOON AS my partner pops online. And the excuse she gives is “I’m not around on my computer that often….”
Last night, I think was the last straw. For quite some time, my partner’s been “over” the issue. But last night, I don’t know if my partner’s attitude will change. S, the oldest sister, her birthday is Sunday. She’s having a get together tonight, with family, and 8 friends she’s met on the internet. Someone was supposed to come pick up our chairs and table yesterday, for the party tonight. No one showed up. So after dinner, we stopped by the sister’s house to see if they still needed the chairs. We walk in, and there, sitting, with food, and drinks, are the two sisters, brother in law, and one of the cousins and his wife. Also were two of S’s friends that was coming to visit. My partner said “why wasn’t I invited?” And the question was never answered properly. There was a bit of arguing about who was supposed to call us, to tell us they didn’t need the chairs.
My partner was pretty peeved off. She went into the other room, where her niece was on the computer doing some art work on there, and started talking to her. We stayed for about 10 minutes, then my partner said “we’re going.” And everyone started asking “why…” And she said “because..” and left it at that. But you could sense there was some tension in the room, and I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. I knew my partner was unhappy, and I knew she didn’t want to express it to her sisters.
When we got home, my partner just sat on the toilet and cried. I tried to get her to talk to me, but she wanted her “space.” After about 15 minutes she was watching tv, and I came and talked with her. My partner said that we weren’t going to the birthday party, though I could go if I wanted to. But I explained to her “what do I say when they ask where you are?” And she said “just tell them I’m sick.” I told her I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers, because if we didn’t show up tonight, the sister would be really upset. But my partner said “f*ck them, they don’t have any consideration for me, why should I care??”
We talked for about 20 minutes, and I wasn’t able to change my partner’s mind. But the way I know my partner, she’ll cave in. She always has when it’s come to her isolation issue with her family. I know she’s unhappy, but there isn’t anything that can be done. The sisters don’t have a guilty conscience for what happened last night, and they’ll probably say “well f*ck her if she’s going to have that attitude. They don’t realize how much it hurts my partner, being left out like that. I made the suggestion that maybe because all the people invited, talked to the two women reguarly online, and my partner had just met them this week…that maybe that’s why we weren’t invited. The sisters said that this wasn’t planned, this get together. But yet, there was food and drinks available….You’d think that if people started showing up (they wouldn’t have all ironically showed up at the same time) that they would have rang my partner. But they didn’t, and that’s what is most hurtful.
My partner has tried and tried to tell her sisters how she feels but they always brush it off. They’ve told her that she’s just imagining things. But I can see it…so if two people are seeing it, I don’t think it’s imagining. I don’t know if we’re still going to the party or not tonight, but my partner is supposed to make a lasagne for the party. I don’t want to not go, because I know sh*t will hit the roof, but I don’t want to go, because I know how my partner feels. She’s always left out, and regardless of when she works, she’s always left in the dark about things. No one ever rings her or visits us. The only time they do, is if WE invite people, or they want something. And when they want something, they want it straight away. ::shaking head:: Family politics…they SUCK!
-current mood-NOT HAPPY...for the above reason
There was a period of time, where my partner just said to herself “self, I’m not going to make any effort to contact my family, and see what happens.” This went on for over a month, and in that month, no one contacted her. So in truth, my partner stated that if she died one day, no one would know of this. It was disheartening to listen to my partner talk about her family like this.
At first, I didn’t think it happened as often as my partner had stated it did. But once I actually got to stay with my partner, whether it was for a month, or a year, it was evident that her family just don’t seem to realize what they do. It’s not just her sisters, it’s also her dad, who moved to the same suburb about 5 years ago. All three family members live within 5 minutes from each other. But yet, the two sisters visit each other, and the father visits one of the sisters…mostly because he takes his grandkids to breakfast every other Saturday. But why is it, that they visit each other, they ring each other, they talk to each other on the computer, but yet rarely involve my partner. One sister will even go as far as putting herself on invisible, AS SOON AS my partner pops online. And the excuse she gives is “I’m not around on my computer that often….”
Last night, I think was the last straw. For quite some time, my partner’s been “over” the issue. But last night, I don’t know if my partner’s attitude will change. S, the oldest sister, her birthday is Sunday. She’s having a get together tonight, with family, and 8 friends she’s met on the internet. Someone was supposed to come pick up our chairs and table yesterday, for the party tonight. No one showed up. So after dinner, we stopped by the sister’s house to see if they still needed the chairs. We walk in, and there, sitting, with food, and drinks, are the two sisters, brother in law, and one of the cousins and his wife. Also were two of S’s friends that was coming to visit. My partner said “why wasn’t I invited?” And the question was never answered properly. There was a bit of arguing about who was supposed to call us, to tell us they didn’t need the chairs.
My partner was pretty peeved off. She went into the other room, where her niece was on the computer doing some art work on there, and started talking to her. We stayed for about 10 minutes, then my partner said “we’re going.” And everyone started asking “why…” And she said “because..” and left it at that. But you could sense there was some tension in the room, and I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. I knew my partner was unhappy, and I knew she didn’t want to express it to her sisters.
When we got home, my partner just sat on the toilet and cried. I tried to get her to talk to me, but she wanted her “space.” After about 15 minutes she was watching tv, and I came and talked with her. My partner said that we weren’t going to the birthday party, though I could go if I wanted to. But I explained to her “what do I say when they ask where you are?” And she said “just tell them I’m sick.” I told her I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers, because if we didn’t show up tonight, the sister would be really upset. But my partner said “f*ck them, they don’t have any consideration for me, why should I care??”
We talked for about 20 minutes, and I wasn’t able to change my partner’s mind. But the way I know my partner, she’ll cave in. She always has when it’s come to her isolation issue with her family. I know she’s unhappy, but there isn’t anything that can be done. The sisters don’t have a guilty conscience for what happened last night, and they’ll probably say “well f*ck her if she’s going to have that attitude. They don’t realize how much it hurts my partner, being left out like that. I made the suggestion that maybe because all the people invited, talked to the two women reguarly online, and my partner had just met them this week…that maybe that’s why we weren’t invited. The sisters said that this wasn’t planned, this get together. But yet, there was food and drinks available….You’d think that if people started showing up (they wouldn’t have all ironically showed up at the same time) that they would have rang my partner. But they didn’t, and that’s what is most hurtful.
My partner has tried and tried to tell her sisters how she feels but they always brush it off. They’ve told her that she’s just imagining things. But I can see it…so if two people are seeing it, I don’t think it’s imagining. I don’t know if we’re still going to the party or not tonight, but my partner is supposed to make a lasagne for the party. I don’t want to not go, because I know sh*t will hit the roof, but I don’t want to go, because I know how my partner feels. She’s always left out, and regardless of when she works, she’s always left in the dark about things. No one ever rings her or visits us. The only time they do, is if WE invite people, or they want something. And when they want something, they want it straight away. ::shaking head:: Family politics…they SUCK!
-current mood-NOT HAPPY...for the above reason
posted by Gaylicious© at Saturday, April 08, 2006
2 Comments:
That is so sad. You should tell her someone has to be the adult... sometimes its hard to be that but her family is being immature. I wonder if this has something to do with events that have happened in the past that your unaware of as the new comer. ~Dana
ur partner will just have to take it easy... it is not easy to communicate with someone that don't understand you. if posible just look for friends that is in the same "channel" as you. time can heal...
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