Ars Scribendi

Moving to myspace and yahoo 360

2007-07-26T19:01:00.000+10:00

Well folks..I think I'm going to shut down shop on this blog website. Because there are so many other blog websites out there, by which I believe has more traffic...I'm going to be posting my blogs elsewhere.

If you want to keep up to date with all my trials and tribulations...add me on yahoo 360

http://profiles.yahoo.com/way2hott2bestr8

or

http://www.myspace.com/gaylicious.

Testing for job

2007-07-25T17:02:00.000+10:00

I went in this morning to do some testing for a job prospect. This is the job that I've been waiting for. It's the type of tests that you can't prepare for. I guess there is a lot of "psychological" evaluations that employers are able to figure out just how a potential candidate would prosper.

If all goes well, they will contact one of my referees, and if that goes well, then they'll contact me for an interview. It's hard to know with this job, just what sort of competition is out there. The recruitment guy did say that interviews would be one of 3 days. Soooo I have a feeling there is some pretty stiff competition out there. But at the same time, the job is for various places in Victoria. I'm hoping there isn't a lot of competition for where I want to work. But if there is more than one position, then I may be in luck.

So cross your fingers that I get a call to come in for an interview. I know I'll certainly be praying.

Nintendi Wii and Nintendo DS

2007-07-15T22:53:00.000+10:00

My partner and I bought a Nintendo Wii, and I bought a Nintendo DS. We had been having our eyes on a Nintendo Wii, but didn't have the guts to buy one. But today, when we went Nintendo DS shopping, we went and bought one. And ohhh my ohhhh my, what fun it is to play. We got the sports game, and it's an absolute crack up. I'm not much for bowling (had a bad experience in high school) but this bowling, I can definitely get used to. I think the hardest game to play is baseball, and I think I put my shoulder out, trying to swing that ball. It's no wonder I didn't play in high school..lol.

I also got the Nintendo DS, and got the brain game. I tested how old my brain is, and it told me 70 at first, and then 65 the second time. It must be the month off I've had. But I'm hoping to get my brain age down a few decades. I know lately I've felt like I was 65-70 years old. But I do admit, you have to really write out your answers clearly, or the game will say you're wrong. I'm hoping to get either Cars or Super Mario Bros game next.

I felt like a kid on Christmas morning after I bought the games. Growing up we didn't get any nintendo games or anything of that nature. We had a computer, that had games, but I was never so lucky when it came to a game console. But in truth, it was probably better that I didn't. Kids this day and age, they sit in front of a computer or a tv all day and it rots their brain...kind of like what has happened to mine in the past month ::laughing lightly:: I'm quite happy to have gotten the game now, now that I'm an adult. I know I'm not going to spend 10 hours playing the games. But I am quite tickled that I got one. :)

The Story

2007-07-11T22:45:00.000+10:00

Watching Grey's Anatomy every Sunday night always gets me in a sad mood. It seems like every time I watch the show, I always end up crying, or at least teary eyed. I remember the season finale for season 2, with Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, I couldn't stop myself from crying. The song got to me, and it aired close to the time where I was going home for the holidays. Nonetheless, I cried and cried, and my partner looked at me and asked "why." Every time I heard the Snow Patrol song, I would end up crying. I can remember being at home, for the holidays, and we were driving home from somewhere, and the song came on. My eyes welled up with tears and this feeling of sadness overcame me. Songs seem to do that quite often.

This weekend the Grey's Anatomy episode ended with Brandi Carlile's song "The Story." I've attached the lyrics, and a link to where you can watch and listen to her video.

But as I was listening to the song, I began thinking about my story and my life. As with any song, I like to think about the lyrics and think about how they have impacted my life in one way or another. Songs bring joy to people's lives, they also bring our lives apart. Songs take us back to a place where we thought we were on top of the world. Songs take us to a place where we felt like the world wasn't a good enough place for us.

When I look in the mirror I see a story unfold. A story that has a lot of regrets and a lot of wishing that things had happened a different way. But regardless of what stories my face tells, it always seemed like there was someone I could tell it to. People in my life at a particular time, I was able to tell stories to them. But there is a lot about myself that my partner doesn't know, that my family and friends don't know. It's not that I keep secrets, but there are just parts of my life that I keep to myself and will probably keep to myself for as long as I be around. But specific moments and specific stories in my life, they make me sad, they make me cry and they make me think about just what sort of person I've become.

Am I proud of who I have become? Am I proud of what I have achieved thus far in my life? There are moments where I'm proud of who I have become and what I have achieved. But then there are times where I feel like I am completely helpless in my current situation. I feel like my insides are twisting, I'm losing my breath, and I can't breathe. But why do I feel this way, when I know very well, there are people in far worse situations than myself. There are people who have far worse stories to reveal but somehow manage to live on.

The song seems to be about all the great things that one has done for the one they love. But I don't feel like I have done great things and especially not for the one I love. I feel like I am still trying to find myself in this world. I have support, but not nearly as much support as I'd like. As much as I try to express my feelings to my partner, she just doesn't get it. My head is truly a mess, and I hide the disaster that is within me quite well. Will I ever reveal what is truly inside of me, or will it always stay within me? Only time will tell that answer.

The Story-Belinda Carlile
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
Yeah you do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
Is hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through but you do
And I was made for you

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

Brandi Carlile The Story

Video Drift

Jordi

2007-06-20T13:01:00.000+10:00

I've included a different picture of our new kitten.

We decided to name the new kitten Jordi..short for Jordin. If we were to ever have a girl, we would have named her Jordan. We thought our kitten was a girl, but I did a bit of investigating, and it appears that our new addition to the family is a boy. We are going to the vet on Friday to have a first check up and to get him micro-chipped. So I'm thinking that the vet will be able to tell us for sure. But I'm 99% sure it's a boy.

Jordi is such a funny kitten. He loves his toys, and we recently gave him an old soda can box to play with. We put a dangling toy in the middle and he loves it. Jordi also will sleep with us. In between our two pillows, he usually scrunches himself there. The first night, I put him in the utility room, just to give him some peace and quiet. Also to give our other cat Charlie some peace and quiet too. But the second night, I brought Jordi to the bedroom, he scampered off, but then came back, and snuggled in between us. Jordi slept in the same spot last night. It was quite funny though, yesterday we were looking for Jordi because we couldn't find him. I went into the bedroom, and he was sleeping in between the two pillows, with the stuffed duck my mum gave me. It was such an adorable picture.

I think Jordi is still a shy kitten. Him and Charlie still don't get along really, but Jordi is getting more brave. Jordi and Charlie used to just hiss at each other and stare at each other from across the room. Now, Charlie will see Jordi and watch him, and when ever he gets close, she'll hiss and growl at him. Jordi used to arch up his back and hiss back, but now he'll sort of growl, and arch up...but he'll start purring. It's quite funny I think. I'm hoping Charlie and Jordi will get along eventually, but I'm not sure how Charlie will fare.

First day of freedom

2007-06-18T19:02:00.000+10:00

Well, technically, Saturday was my first day of freedom. And might I say how stress free I've been since Friday night?

My last day at work was sad, and exciting. Unfortunately on Thursday I woke up with a massive headache. Then Friday, I woke up with a pretty upset stomach. I think the reality of me quitting and being unemployed was sinking in. But Friday was good. I was able to have a "team" lunch to just have a chat and relax. Friday arvo, we had a small "afternoon tea" and I got a great card, and a gift voucher. I spent a lot of the day saying goodbye to people. I know I should have been doing my work, and I still did (I only had 3 pieces of mail left in my mail tray).

I woke up Saturday morning, at 7:45...I could hardly believe that I was actually up. But I woke up, and sat and wrote a bunch of thank you emails to everyone who I felt made a positive influence during my time at my job. It gave me time to reflect on just how important the friendships I made, and just how I may have impacted others. I know with working for a big company, it's hard to get close to people...but I did that.

I woke up this morning, and was sort of sad...knowing that I wasn't going to work. But I was happy that 1) I could sleep in and 2) happy I didn't go to work, after hearing about the shooting in the Melbourne CBD. I would have been already at work (as I am an early riser), but all day I kept thinking "I hope people at the other office are okay."

Part of me is excited about trying to find a new job, but part of me is already stressing. Finding work is such a daunting job, especially trying to find a job in a different country. I was fortunate enough to get the job I did, because a friend of my partner worked at my job, in a different department. I will be very grateful for the job and experience while at my job, and I thought I would be there for a couple of years.

This "friend" of my partners, that referred me to my last job, told my partner I should have asked for a transfer to a different team. But the team wasn't the problem or issue, in fact, FAR from it. It was the work load, and the high expectations I put on myself. I sort of feel like this friend made me feel like I was "copping" out and "quitting." And maybe I was. But I was seriously unhappy. Maybe I've been unhappy for a number of reasons, and it wasn't just the work pressures. And maybe I should have stuck it out, but I tried. And unfortunately it didn't work out.

I know there are a lot of jobs out there...it's just a matter of selling myself. I know I have to have more confidence in myself too. I tend to lack in that department ::snickers:: I do think thou, that part of me is stressing about finding work because I don't know what it is I want to do. I mean, I know I want to go back to social work and working with other people. But the social work/human services department is a bit different here.

I feel like all of my jobs have just been "jobs..." but nothing in terms of a career move. When I came back from Australia in 2002, I got a job in social work. But I got the job, with the idea that this wasn't going to be a long term job. It was going to be something that would give me work experience until I could move to Australia. I was hoping that my last job would have been a job I could really grow into.

Awww, I better stop, before I get myself all worked up. I told myself I'd relax this week...and I need to do that ::laughing lightly::

New Kitten

2007-06-10T18:10:00.000+10:00

My partner and I got a new kitten. I've been wanting one for quite some time, and we just haven't been able to find "the one." But this one kind of fell into our lap.

My partner's nephew's girlfriend rescued a kitten that some kick arse abandoned. Well, we don't know what really happened, but the girlfriend's mum found the kitten near their house. They first thought it was an opossum, and when they went to look for it, it scurried off. Then when the girlfriend's mum walked by the car, she saw two glimmering eyes peering from near the front tyre. The kitten was hiding under there.

The girlfriend really wanted to keep the kitten, but her dad hates cats. She came over last night (for my partner's birthday) and asked us if we wanted a free kitten...because her dad was going to have the kitten terminated after Tuesday if something wasn't done to the kitten. So we went over this afternoon, and my partner and I both fell in love with the kitten.

We actually won't pick it up until Saturday thou. Because we have another cat as it is, and a somewhat snobby one at that...we want to make sure someone is "babysitting" the two. We want to make sure that they get used to each other, before anything happens. And as I finish work this week, I'll be able to watch them for the first week or so.

We haven't thought up of a name..so any ideas would be great. I'll pass them onto my partner, so we can help decide.

She's sooo cute..so cuddly, and she has this ribbon that she loves to play with. She won't go to bed w/out the ribbon either. She's this ball of fluff, and has pretty blue eyes. But 99% sure she will lose the blue eyes when she gets older. Our cat Charlie had beautiful blue eyes...but she outgrew them. So I'm pretty sure this kitten will as well.

I was looking at her today and thought to myself "how could someone just dump this kitten?" Stuff like that makes me so angry, and so sad at the same time. I can't understand how people can just abandon helpless animals. I've known a number of people who have had animals sent to their places and dumped there...but I think it's b/c someone knows we'll look after the animal. But this poor kitten...when our nephew's girlfriend took her inside...she was absolutely starving. I'm just happy she's found a good home now.

More pictures to come :)

I did it..I resigned

2007-06-02T16:45:00.000+10:00

Well, I did it...as my subject heading states, I resigned from my job. I did a lot of thinking since my last blog entry, and I had a long talk with my partner. I have been unhappy for quite some time, and we both discussed the fact that my health is important. I was going to wait until I got another job before I resigned, but I couldn't wait that long.

Some may think that that wasn't a very bright idea...but I have a little bit of savings, and we'll be okay. I want to take a week off, after I leave work, to just relax and take a "breather." I've already started to look around...and am busy working on my resume. But I don't really want to start a new job till the new financial year. I want to go back to social work/case management....and am even thinking of working with kids. ::shrugs shoulders:: I dunno. All I know is I'm happy to be leaving, but still stressed. Stressed because I know I won't have a job after the 15th of June, and stressed because there is yet so much to do between now and then at work. You would think that putting in your resignation at a job would lift a whole weight off of one's shoulders. That did not happen in this situation. Welllllll, it lasted about 5 minutes..then I went back to stressing.

My work offered to keep me part time, just until I could find something permanent. But I didn't want to do that. I'm leaving for a reason, and I just want to get out of there. It got me thinking though.....the way that I sound, it makes it seem like my work is a horrible place to work. The truth of the matter is..it's not horrible, it's just really stressful. The pressure gets too much, because the workload is too much, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. If you're the type of person that has to start a job and finish it (like myself) then this job isn't for you. Finishing a job or task in this job, it just doesn't exist. Some people just have the personality to be happy with that kind of work load....I can't. I lasted a year, which was good, and it'll hopefully look good on my resume.

I will definitely miss so many people..and a number of people have come up to me to express their sadness for my departure. But all have told me "your health is what matters." I appreciate the support I have been given, especially to my partner. Now I just have to eventually break the news to my parents. Oh what joy they'll have, when they find out I don't have a job. I'm hoping I can get another job before anything else comes up. I just know, my parents will nag at me to hurry up and find another job..so we'll just keep this all a secret ::snickers::

Until the next entry......toodles

Unable to leave

2007-05-21T00:02:00.000+10:00

For the past 3 months or so, my job has had a lot of resignations. Resignations from people I didn't know that well, and resignations from people I will miss dearly. Some people left because they couldn't handle the pressures, other people left because they had better things to do..like travel (lucky buggers!!) But at the end of the day, there has been an influx of unhappy people I believe. However I can't speak for everyone who's left.

I myself am very unhappy. Not unhappy because of the people I work with (you honestly couldn't have a better group of people to work with) but unhappy with myself and with the expectations I put on myself. I know I expect too much of myself and of the work I do. And it stresses me out. Stresses me out to where my neck and back hurt. Stresses me out to where I still make lists in the middle of the night. Stresses me out to where I constantly think about work. You shouldn't have to worry about taking a day off, because of what you'll come back to. You shouldn't have to take only a 1/2 hour lunch, because there is just too much to do. But I'm that exact person.

And when people leave work, for good..(and I really enjoyed their company,) it makes me sad. It makes me even more unhappy, and more inclined to just throw the towel in. I'm usually a happy go lucky person..but lately, I haven't been feeling that way. In truth, since I came back from my holidays back in the States, I haven't felt the same. I don't know if it's a combination of work, of missing my family and friends back at home, or both. What I DO know thou...is I don't know how much more I can take. I've tried to give it a go, and tried to hang it out. But my hand is on the door handle, and my foot is out the door. I just can't make myself actually leave. I feel too guilty about leaving. If I left right now, my team would be absolutely in shambles. And that's not because of the wonderful work I do ::laughing lightly:: It's because of how many people have left my team recently.

I feel like I'm unable to leave...also due to not having another job lined up. But I feel inclined to stay. One major reason I DO stay, is because of the great friendships I have made with people. It was hard for me to come to a different country and start my friendships all over again. But I've made some genuine friends, and I fear that if and when I DO leave, I will lose contact. The friendships I've made, has kept me somewhat sane. But there comes a time in everyone's life, where you just have to tell yourself "self, your health and well being is more important." And I'm trying to tell myself that every day.

This would be great news..

2007-05-12T19:37:00.000+10:00

Immigration equality goes to Congress

Lawmakers on Tuesday reintroduced a bill into Congress to give Americans with same-sex foreign partners equal rights under U.S. immigration law.

The Uniting American Families Act, sponsored by Rep. Jerrold Nadler (news, bio, voting record), D-N.Y., and Sen. Patrick Leahy (news, bio, voting record), D-Vt., will allow citizens and legal residents in same-sex relationships to sponsor their partners for immigration purposes.

Roughly 75 percent of the "green cards" or immigrant visas now in effect are issued to family members of U.S. citizens or permanent residents, according to Immigration Equality and the Human Rights Campaign.

Same-sex couples, however, have no legal status under federal law.

"The promotion of family unity has long been part of federal immigration policy, and this bill promotes that principle by providing all Americans the opportunity to be with their loved ones," said Rachel Tiven, executive director of Immigration Equality, in a written statement released by the rights groups.

While harsh penalties and the threat of deportation make it difficult for some couples to come forward, a UCLA study based on the 2000 Census reported 35,820 binational same-sex couples in the United States. Nearly a third of them lived in California.

"Our bill recognizes that American families come in all shapes and sizes," Nadler said in the statement. "Our laws should work to keep loving families together and not tear them apart."

At least 19 nations, including the UK, Brazil, Australia and most of Western Europe, provide some immigration benefits to the same-sex partners of citizens and permanent residents, while the United States refuses.

Nadler and Leahy introduced the legislation last year and a similar attempt was made in 2004, but they failed in the then-GOP controlled Congress. (Barbara Wilcox, The Advocate)

This would be absolutely great news if there was a law that passed, that allowed same sex couples to sponsor their partners. I know, that that's the one of many reason why my partner and I decided for me to move here to Australia. The process is very daunting and stressful, but it's well worth it. If I was able to sponsor my partner, I know we'd be home so quick. I'm sure the process wouldn't be easy by any means, but the fact that I had my partner sponsor me here in Australia, that'd make things a lot better.

I sometimes hear stories about other couples, where one is from the States, and they have no way possible, to have their other half come to the States. When I think about it, I wonder how hard the process would be, considering it isn't an easy task with heterosexual couples. I know there would be a lot people trying to "outsmart" the system..but there would also be many genuine couples.

I remember this bill trying to get passed in 2004, and well, considering who was in office, and the fact that the GOP was in both parts of congress..there was no way in heck to have this bill passed. But now that the democrats have majority in both houses, IT MAY look positive.

I will most definitely be keeping my fingers crossed.

My friend on tv...

2007-05-06T12:39:00.000+10:00

http://www.kmtr.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoId=9688

My best friend ("Penniman", with the plum colored shirt) back in the states...sent me a link, as she was on a local tv station promoting what she enjoys doing in her free time. It takes a little while to load up the page, so be patient.

Seeing the video clip, made me want to be back home. Aww, I miss her and I miss everything about being back at home. I dunno if I'm going to make it til' Xmas, or next June.

Being a roller girl sounds like fun. I used to rollerblade back in the States, but haven't put on some skates for quite some time. But it sounds like a great way to have fun, bond with other women (and no, they're not gay..lol) and of course to get some exercise.

Hamish and Andy Logies Spitroast

2007-05-05T10:42:00.000+10:00

Catriona Rowntree (Getaway host) and my partner----^

AJ Rochester (The Biggest Loser Host) and my partner----^
Naomi Robson (tv personality)----------^
Hamish (radio host) and myself----------^
Dan O'Conner (from Neighbors) and myself------^

Chris Hemsworth (from Home and Away) and myself ----^
Andy (radio host) and myself----------^

------------------------------------------------------------
For those Aussie readers, and who know Hamish and Andy's radio show....well, my partner won two tickets to attend the Logies Spitroast last night. We had a great time, with great food, and great company. It was cool to see how a radio show actually works. And there was a bit of alcohol available. All party goers received 3 free UDL drinks (thou they had black douglas there too, and of course VB and Carlton Draught). However, as I needed to pick up my vehicle at the train station later, I stuck to good ol' Coca' Cola.

I find it kind of funny, that the show seemed to cater to the women audience. Sure there were a few nice women (AJ Rochester, Catriona Rowntree) but there seemed to be a lot more guys around. And the audience, was definitely more women than men. And might I say, some looked quite "orange" from the fake tanning lotion their wore. Ummm, is that supposed to look good?? ::shaking head thinking:: Naomi Robson was there, which I sooo wanted to get my picture with, but she didn't stay. She only did her part of the show and then left. But let me give you the tip, she is TINY. She reminds me a lot of my sister..who is very petite.

I've attached some pictures, to hopefully make some people jealous ::smirks:: Awww, the gay girl, getting her picture taken with 2006 Cleo Bachelor of the year, and a few other "hunks." It was fun, but I still am definitely still gay ::laughing lightly::

It's quite funny, since moving to Australia, or having "connections" to Australia, I have met so many celebrities. My partner and I were talking last night, and I stated that back at home, you'd NEVER see a celebrity. They all live too far away. I think the closest you'd come, is if you saw a basketball player, but that's the extent of it. But since being here in Australia, I've met or "seen" Eddie McGuire, Anastacia, Darren Hayes, Nikki Webster, (lots of Logie stars, as we went and observed the red carpet in 2005), and of course the celebrities we saw last night at the spitroast. It's quite fun and exciting.

New tattoo

2007-04-21T11:17:00.000+10:00

I got another tattoo on Tuesday night. I've attached a picture, so hopefully it shows up :) I got it on the back of my neck. In the picture, you can see the little neck hairs I have. Now, I'm not a hairy person by ANY means, but I didn't realize that we actually do have hair on our necks, aside from our hairlines.

Yeh, it hurt...pretty bad. This is the 5th tattoo I've gotten, and I think it was one of the most painful. Maybe it was because there were a lot of curvy lines, maybe it was because it was on my neck. But it took about an hour and 15 minutes. I was quite happy when it was finished. I was quite pleased as well, with the end product.

Uh ohhh...don't like the sound of this...

2007-04-14T11:16:00.000+10:00

Australian leader: HIV-positive immigrants should not be allowed

Prime Minister John Howard said Friday people with the AIDS virus should not be allowed to migrate to Australia, and the government was investigating whether it could tighten existing restrictions. The comments triggered anger among AIDS workers, who accused Howard of xenophobia and of blaming sufferers for their illness.

Asked in a radio interview whether people with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, should be allowed into Australia as migrants or refugees, Howard said he would like to take "more counsel" on the issue but added, "My initial reaction is no." However, he said there may be "humanitarian considerations" in certain cases.

"I think we should have the most stringent possible conditions in relation to that nationwide, and I know the health minister is concerned about that and is examining ways of tightening things up," Howard said.

Howard was asked about the issue during a visit to Melbourne, the capital of Victoria state, where the state health minister said this week that 70 of the 334 new HIV infection cases reported in Victoria in 2006 were among immigrants who had arrived in the country with the virus.

Australia has long had restrictions on people who try to immigrate who have health problems that could threaten to spread disease or impose an additional burden on the public health system.

Don Baxter of the nongovernment group the Australian Federation of AIDS Organizations said HIV tests are already among health checks for prospective immigrants and that most HIV-positive applicants are rejected. "It's very tight already," Baxter told Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio.

Chris Lemoh, an infectious disease specialist who is working on a doctorate on the spread of AIDS among African immigrants in Victoria, said excluding people with HIV should be condemned. "It's a hysterical overreaction, it mixes racism with a phobia about infectious disease," he said. "To not allow people to come on the basis of any health condition is immoral. It's unethical, and it's impractical to enforce."

Many countries, including the United States, impose restrictions on immigration and visa approvals for people with HIV, though there are often exceptions in special cases.

AIDS was first diagnosed in Australia in the early 1980s, and the disease has mostly been concentrated in large cities such as Sydney and among people belonging to high-risk groups such as gay men and needle-sharing drug addicts.

The National Center for HIV Epidemiology and Clinical Research said in an October 2006 report that since it was first detected, 25,703 infections had been reported in Australia, of which 9,827 people developed full-blown AIDS and 6,621 had died. (Rohan Sullivan, AP)

Sooo, it's been awhile

2007-04-10T11:41:00.000+10:00

Yes, it appears that it's been awhile since I've last blogged. I do hope everyone is doing well. Hope that everyone had a wonderful Easter holiday. I myself have had a great few days off. Here in Australia, everyone has Good Friday off, and most people get Easter Monday off. And as it is Tuesday, and I'm still at home, I was able to get a "flexi" day today...so I'm thoroughly enjoying my 5 day weekend.

I stareted to get a headache last night, and I think it's my mind telling me that it knows it has to go back to work tomorrow. And ohhh the work that I will have to come back to. ::raises hands up in the air:: I guess that is my own punishment for taking an extra day off, from a long weekend.

A part of me is stressing, because a colleague of mine (bless his soul) put in his resignation, and his last day is in Friday. Now, what is going to happen to his caseload, no one knows. No one has told us anything, and frankly, I don't think anyone knows what is going to happen. We most likely won't find out, until Friday, his last day ::shaking head::

Work has been getting the better of me lately. I've moved into my team, which is not a problem. But I don't have the support like I did when I was within my other team. It's still new, and I know everyone else has their own work to do, but it's just "different."

Another friend of mine, who I will sadly miss when she leaves, I think will be putting in her resignation in the next couple of weeks. She's soooo ready to get outta here, and I don't blame her. She hasn't been happy, and her team leader hasn't been giving her the support that she really needs. I feel for her, and will miss her dearly. But in truth, I think think management needs to do some hard evaluating, just for the simple fact, that in the past 6 months, we have had so many people leave. Management says that we have the lowest turn over rate, but that's b/c we have the biggest department. We may have less people who leave the company, but it's so much harder to hire someone and keep them. Our department has always struggled, but yet nothing is being done to figure out why (i.e. pay increase would be nice....hint hint).

Hmm, so what else has been going on? My mum rang me on the phone last weekend, for the first time EVER. I've been with my partner for over 7 years now..and this is the first time she's rang me from home. I'm quite happy and quite proud that she rang me. It will be my turn next, which will be Mother's Day, or around there. But we actually met up yesterday on the webcam, which was nice. Everyone seems to be doing well.

Around here, things were pretty full on this weekend. We had a Good Friday afternoon tea, then Saturday, was my sister in law's 44th birthday party. It's a good thing we've had a few extra days to settle down. Lucky for my partner, she gets all of this week off. And let me tell you, she's milking it for all it's worth ::laughing lightly::

We were going to look for a kitten today, but my partner has to go to the doctor for her 3 month checkup. She had a biopsy done on her breast, and everything was okay back in December. But they wanted her to come back just as a final check up I guess. So once again, the search for a kitten has been put on hold.

Will most likely get another tattoo, within the next few weeks. My partner and I were busy coloring and designing our tattoos. I found a really cool design online, and was busy making it look pretty. I'm hoping it get it in the next few weeks...we'll see.

Well, I will close for now...until next time folks!!

OurChart.com

2007-03-12T12:03:00.000+11:00

For those who are L Word fans, it appears that OurChart.com is now up and running.

Here is a link to my profile.....add me if you want :)

http://www.ourchart.com/node/23729

"Don't Feel Like Dancin' "

2007-03-09T17:25:00.000+11:00

Here is a funny link....

http://www.dancesisterdance.com/myvid/index.php?v=262b608ed3021

It takes a little while to load, so be patient.

Oh, and don't forget to click on the up/down elevator buttons :)

Little Britain

2007-03-01T17:36:00.000+11:00

Last night, my partner and I went and saw Little Britain. For those who are unfamiliar with this British comedy go to this website.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/littlebritain/

The live show was absolutely hillarious. And it was a well needed night out for me. We didn't have the greatest seats, but there were big screends to watch the show. ::shaking head and laughing:: You definitely have to have a certain type of humor, but it was a crack up.

If you haven't had a chance...try to watch an episode. The show is crass, vulger, and completely NOT politically correct. Awww, we need a show like that every once in awhile ::snickers::

Where has the time gone??

2007-02-25T11:40:00.000+11:00

It's already almost March ::looking at calendar:: I can hardly believe I have been back from the States for almost 2 months. The time just seems to fly by, and I can't seem to remember what I have done.

March 1st, Autumn is here, and the weather will start to get cooler. I can tell the leaves are starting to change and fall, but maybe that's b/c we have absolutely no water here. Yes, by May 1st, Melbourne will most likely be on stage 4 water restrictions. It's getting really bad, this whole water situation. Back at home, in Oregon, water was NEVER a thing to worry about. But since being here in Australia, water is constantly on everyone's minds. What the government is doing about it, well who knows. It's scary to think that we could be out of water. Our water levels are at 30ish percent at the moment. Back in 1997, they were up at 95%. That is a HUGE drastic drop in the past 10 years. But we're just not getting any rainfall.

The next few months will be a bit busy for me. I'm going to have to start preparing our immigration stuff, ONCE again. I can't believe the 2 year period is almost up. But luckily we don't have to go into as much detail with the documents. However, I still need to do all the stat decs, the medical checks, the police checks, all that stuff. I just hope I can remember when I need to do it, because some take longer than others. Plus, I need to get my fingerprints sent to I think 2-3 different places. ::rolls eyes:: It's as if I don't have already enough stress in my life!! But I try to tell myself, once September rolls around, hopefully all of this immigration stuff will be over, and I'll have permanent residency.

One bad thing, we don't have the support of the GLITF group like we did the first time around. We're no longer members, well we are, but we don't get the "free advise." I don't think we need it so much now, as we did the first time around. The first time around, it was vitally important we had everything. Now, aside from the stat decs and police/medical checks, I don't think we need to have a lot of documentation. In fact, I think they only want one big envelope sized package of documents sent to them.

But time is quickly going by and I don't feel like I have fully adjusted to my time back here. There are moments where I get sad and am quite unhappy. But work is really kicking me in bum, and it's totally giving me a headache. I've had some pretty bad headaches, went to the doctor, they took some blood, but don't know what's wrong. I called the clinic on Thursday to get my results, someone was supposed to call me back that night, and no one did. They were only checking to see if I had low iron. I figure, if it was life threatening or something drastic was found, they'd have rung me by now. I know my headaches are stress related. I know when I grind my teeth at night, I wake up with a headache.

I'm going to see how things whole integration at work pans out. It seems like it's going to be a good thing, but I don't know how long it's going to take. I told myself I'd give it a go, and if things didn't improve, I'd start looking for other work. I know my health isn't worth all of it, but I'm trying to work on it. And work knows about my headaches and my level of stress. They know how much pressure I put on myself, and even though it helps with my performance, it still isn't worth it all.

At least I have a short vacation to look forward to in June. My partner's best friend is getting married in June (long weekend), and we'll be heading up the Thursday night, have Friday to look around, Saturday is the wedding, Sunday aftermath of the wedding, and Monday we'll head back. Then it's back to the grind on Tuesday. But we're going up to Queensland, and I haven't been. So it'll be good to get out, away from the chaos here.

Second cousin born this morning

2007-02-13T19:07:00.000+11:00

My cousin Mary had her baby this morning. She had a baby girl, at 1:56am East Coast time. Camryn Leigh (last name withheld..lol) weighed in at 7lbs, and was 20 1/2 inches. Here is her pic....she's so beautiful! Mother and baby are doing well, considering the labor was 24 hours. Oh, and father seems to be doing well too ::snickers::

I did it, I joined a gym

2007-02-11T17:23:00.000+11:00

Well, as part of my mental health kick, I joined a gym. My partner and I had started walking since we came back from the States, but it wasn't doing anything for me. I felt like it was a waste of time, and I couldn't see any results. Maybe it was because we didn't really get our heart rates up, maybe it was because we didn't do it that often, maybe it was because I just didn't feel motivated.

On my day off on Friday, I went to the local wave pool/gym and went to have a look around. I ended up joining the gym, and am crossing my fingers, that what I'm paying, will actually pay off. The nice thing, aside from having free weights, and exercise equipment, there also is a swimming pool. I'll be able to do some free swimming (if I can get the courage to put on a bathing suit.

I went in for my assessment today, and I'm a little heifer. Walking down the street, and seeing me walk by, you wouldn't think so. The trainer who was measuring my BMI, he couldn't find much around my arms, or my back..but my belly, ::snickers:: I've got myself a little pudge there. Plus I've gained about 10 kilos since about high school. I know that my weight factors into my BMI, so I'm hoping to lose a little weight, but gain it back in muscle.

It's interesting, this program that I'm on, on Wednesday I'll go and have a trainer go through with me, the exercises and things I can do, to help me get more fit...but then in 3 weeks time, I'm going to get measured again, and then again in 6 weeks time. Do they really think 3 weeks is going to make a difference?

I told my trainer that I wanted to start out slow, and then eventually get stronger. But I told myself that I wasn't going to have too many expectations, if any for the first month. I know I want to feel better about myself. I want to get back into the shape I was in high school, and I want people to see me walking down the street and think "wow, she works out." But I certainly don't want to look like I'm on steroids ::snickers::

So I'm really hoping that I'll be able to start losing some wieght, and gaining some more body mass. And above all, I hope this helps relieve some of my stress with work.

Secret Admirer

2007-02-09T19:14:00.000+11:00

So it appears that I have a secret admirer, who uses myspace or knows me. ::scratching head and thinking:: I am flattered to think that someone has sent me a V-day greeting. But I am wondering, if this secret admirer, is someone I know ::scratching head again....." My greeting stated "My heart always finds a way to follow you.....you just captured my heart once again."

So thank you to the person who sent this, it has made my day...whether it's serious, or not, I am flattered ::grinning:: Or maybe it's just a generic V-day card that someone has sent to everyone on their list? Nonetheless, it was a nice surprise. It's nice to know that others still find you special, what ever that means.

Govt to override ACT Gay Marriage Bill

2007-02-07T16:47:00.000+11:00

Concerns that gay partners under 18 could be "married" under an ACT move to legalise same-sex unions is one reason the plan was rejected by the federal government.

Federal Attorney-General Philip Ruddock has announced that the Commonwealth will override the ACT government bill for a second time.

The federal government vetoed the territory government's efforts to legalise same-sex unions last June, worried it would undermine the institution of marriage.

The ACT government then made several changes to the wording of the bill, including replacing the term "civil union" with "civil partnership" so that it was not confused with marriage.

But Mr Ruddock said he was still not satisfied.

"There were some changes that were appropriate and there were others that in our view should've occurred and haven't," he told ABC Radio on Wednesday.

One of the main problems with the ACT's plan was that minors could be united with their gay partner, even before they turned 18, Mr Ruddock said.

"I mean this is not a partnership arrangement involving adults, it involves the potential for minors, in the same way that the marriage act does, to have a court or parental consent and it uses the marriage model directly," he said.

Mr Ruddock also said the civil union should not involve a formal ceremony as it undermined the traditional marriage ceremony.

"We think the bill is one which is still one which, because of the provisions that are contained in it, likens it to marriage.

"Our view is that while it continues to do that it doesn't meet our view which is that civil partnership issues ought not to be addressed as like marriage."

ACT Attorney-General Simon Corbell said the federal government's reasons for overturning the bill were weak and vague.

"It just beggars belief that we have a commonwealth government that really isn't able to give any substantive argument and just says, 'well we think it offends the institution of marriage,' well, what does that mean?" Mr Corbell told ABC Radio.

Mr Corbell said he gave the federal government several chances to give feedback on the bill, but had not received any response.

"Quite clearly the federal government is not interested in engaging in any dialogue," he said.
Meanwhile, ACT Opposition Leader Bill Stefaniak said the ACT should follow the lead of other states, like Tasmania, and introduce registration schemes for gay couples, rather than pushing ahead with unions similar to marriage.

"It (a registration scheme) gives due recognition to people in a loving, caring relationship - be it a sexual one, of whatever sex or same sex, albeit in a non-sexual one - and the financial benefits that flow from a marriage would flow so that it doesn't offend the marriage act," he said.

Mr Stefaniak said it was important to ensure the ACT bill did not contravene federal law.

Thanks to yahoo.com.au

Personally, I have to agree with Attorney-General Simon Corbell's comment he has made. I think it's a weak and lame excuse...to really avoid putting a law into action due to "fear that minors could be united with their gay partner..." PULEEEZE ::rolling eyes:: That's considered a no no, but yet a man can SOMEHOW get married to a 13 year old girl and have kids???? Where is the common sense in that? It's a total cop out, and to think that someone is rejecting a law, that seems perfectly normal, because of an age issue...There are some serious serious, and I mean SERIOUS issues.

If someone is afraid that this is going to happen, why don't they put an age limit to it? I know some states in the U.S. have age restrictions. If you apply for a marriage license, you have to be of consenting and/or legal age. Why can't they do that for this situation? They're going to deny many gay couples, who are in loving and committed relationships, the chance to be able to have their relationship recognized because of the "initial" fear that a minor would be able to unite with their gay partner. It's not like the law would be a invitation for minors to "unite."

I thought Australia was progressive in the gay liberation sense. I'm beginning to think, as long as the current political party is in office, it's not going to happen. ::shaking head in disgust:: Shame on you Australia, shame on you!!

1 Year Anniversary

2007-02-06T18:35:00.000+11:00

::jumping up and down with excitement::

Today was my one year anniversary for being at my job. No, there wasn't a party, but it was a small achievement in itself. Considering that I was pretty much thrown in the deep end of it all, I think I've done quite well. All of those nights lying awake, stressing about my job, have they paid off?? I can't say yes with confidence ::smirks::

I am happy to have made it one year though. ::patting oneself on the back::

Tips on selling oneself for a job

2007-01-30T12:00:00.000+11:00

I know there are a number of people out there who have either aggressively hunted for a job, or are in the process. Me, for the moment, I'm just slightly looking for some jobs. I've been browsing the newspapers, the websites, and have been having my eyes and ears open for any leads. But I know before I even attempt to apply for a job, I need to have a spectacular resume, and a cover letter.

I struggle with selling myself. I don't know if it's a confidence thing, or an expression thing. But I think about the jobs that I've gotten, and haven't gotten in my life. I have been successful at job hunting and finding a job, but at the same time, I'm a complete wreck when it comes to job hunting and job interviews.

It's hard, the first thing an employer will look at, before even meeting me, is my resume. And if my resume isn't selling what they want to see, they'll just chuck mine in the bin, along with the hundreds of others. But if I get passed the first stage, I then proceed with the actual interview process. Well, if that's the way the company hires people. But when it comes to the interview, I am sooooo incredibly nervous. I try to mentally prepare myself, but sometimes it just shows in the interview.

I was wondering if there are any bloggers out there who can 1) give advise on good resume writing, this includes cover letters 2) give advise on how to prepare for an interview 3) how to work your way around a question in an interview that you may not have an answer for 4) how to pick up the pieces if you're applying job after job, with no interviews or any luck.

Serena Williams wins AUS Open

2007-01-27T14:50:00.000+11:00

I just got finished watching the AUS Open Women's final against Maria Sharapova and Serena Willams. OMG, talk about a smacking! I had a feeling that Maria would win. She's played really well this tournament. But Serena started off strong, and never looked back. She won the first set 6-1, and I think she was just too powerful.

I felt bad for Maria though. The camera crew showed a picture of her at the end and she looked absolutely crestfallen. I'm not a huge Sharapova fan (due to her grunting) but I don't mind her as a person. And NO, I don't think she's hot. ::smirks:: Maria was seeded #1 and is now ranked #1 I think, and thought that she would have really given it to Serena.

But in the end, Serena was just too good. GOOD ON YA GIRL!

Yes, I'm still around

2007-01-21T16:01:00.000+11:00

Hi everyone,

Yes, I AM still around. I know I haven't blogged since I came back here to Australia. But frankly I've been trying to get myself back into the groove of things in all aspects. Work has not changed one bit, in truth, it's getting worse it seems. But I had a meeting with my manager, and she understands what pressure I'm under. I think everyone done. But that still doesn't take away from the fact that we're totally overworked, and I think we're underpaid. But doesn't everyone think that?? ::grinning::

The Australian Open tennis started on Monday, and I've been quite religiously watching that. The first day was absolutely dreadful. I felt so bad for the people who had to play in the 60C+ temperature. Even though it was 40C outside, the courts would have been heaps warmer. There was a picture in the newspaper, that showed the temperature. Unfortunately there are no Aussies left though. Lleyton Hewitt lost last night, in 4 sets.

This week is only a 4 day week ::jumping up and down:: I'm very excited for that. But not excited, because that's one less day that I could be getting a lot of work done. But the good thing is, is that EVERYONE has the day off. It's not like when I take a day off, and have so much more to try and catch up on. Everyone has to catch up, when there is a public holiday.

I find it quite funny, that my manager told me that I could include 7:30 on my time sheet, as we're only supposed to start at 8:00. She stated that I could also acrue more than 7.36 hours of flexi time, to be able to take more than one day a month off. But the truth is, I can't afford to take more than one day off. I actually can't afford to take one day off, let alone another.

One good thing, is this one friend that I work with, who has helped me a lot, with training and just understanding my role, is coming back on Monday. It's been nice to not have her around (because I depended on her so much) but it'll be nice to have her back too, b/c she stays late all the time. :Lsnickers:: Now that my partner and I are walking Monday-Friday, if I come home late, it doesn't give me much time to eat dinner, before we have to go meet up the others.

That's a whole different thing...I can't believe how out of shape I'm in. I used to be fit, and used to be able to run quite a bit. Now, I can hardly run constantly for more than about 15 minutes. How bad is that?? I should be proud that I can run SOME. But I've been having really bad pains in my legs, not near the shins, but the side of my legs, and where my arch in my feet are. I usually walk this one big loop, then I run it..but by the time I'm ready to run, my feet are killing me. But last time I ran, it was okay. I'm more out of breath when I run, than my legs hurting. I think if I had better endurance, I'd be able to run longer. I just hope, the more I run, the sooner I'll be able to get back to how I was in high school.

Well, I will close for now. I think I've jabbered on enough.

Back in Australia

2007-01-07T07:50:00.000+11:00

Well, my wonderful 3 week vacation has come to a close. ::Big sigh:: I can hardly believe those 3 weeks are already up. It was just like yesterday, where I was still in America, and in the cold weather. It's warm here, and I'm just sitting in a tank top and my undies. (no that isn't to make anyone all hot and bothered ::smirks::) The AC is on and I know that I'm going to be sweating sooner or later.

The trip over was great. We didn't have any problems, or any setbacks, which was great. When I saw my mum at the airport, she was jumping up and down to get my attention. I was so happy to see her. We both started crying, when we hugged. It was so NICE to be back home, and on the ground. 13+ hours on an airplane, is just not that great, let me tell ya!

It was hard to be back home, because all of these thougths and feelings re-surfaced. I cried a number of times, because I didn't want to go back to Australia. Not because I didn't like it, but because I missed so much at home.

The first night, we had a roast, and I had a HUGE salad with RANCH dressing. Oh my, it was heaven. I had Captain Crunch cereal, and it was wonderful to be eating foods that we don't have here. I had kettle popcorn almost every night. I sure missed eating that kettle popcorn. I tried to bring some back home, but customs confiscated it, due to the popcorn not being popped. I was totally spewing.

The first week, we did nothing but shop shop shop..oh and we visited a few friends. The Sunday we arrived, my partner and I went down to Eugene to visit my best friend and some pals from work. We made gingerbread houses, and let me tell you, it's a good thing I'm not a contractor. ::smirks:: It was hard to make the houses, with just regular gingerbread. But we had a blast, nonetheless.

But yes, we shopped till we dropped, and how could one resist? All of those sales before Christmas, it was like Christmas for me. I think I bought a whole new wardrobe.

Our 7 year anniversary was the 19th of December, and we went to Newport (Oregon) for the night. Going down to Newport was wonderful. Aside from the frost all over the place, it didn't rain, and the roads wern't that slippery. We went to Lincoln City, and just along the coastline. We stayed at a really nice resort. The next day, of course it rained. But truthfully, it rained all day, only for a couple of days while we were there. Ohh, maybe 3-4 days. But still, the weather was okay. COLD, but definitely okay.

Christmas was at my parents house, and we had the family around. The food was wonderful, and of course we were all full AS, afterward. My gramma, who is in a nursing home, came over for Christmas and it was great to spend some time with her. I don't know how much longer she has, but I tried to spend some time with her, knowing that it may be the last time I'd see her.
We went to Multnomah Falls and Silver Creek Falls with my parents, and got some amazing pictures. With my new 10.0 mp digital camera, I'm hoping that we'll be able to get some of the pics developed, or print them off ourselves, to add some pictures to the house.

And of course I got to see Jodi and Lisa (my myspace buddies, and friends from Eugene). We met up in Wilsonville, and had lunch at Red Robin. Red Robin has such great food. In truth, I think the States have far more better restaurants than here in Australia. But it was lovely to see them both.

The trip home was an absolute nightmare. I get motion sickness, and even though I took my medication, I got sick. I didn't get sick on the way to America, but on the way home, I ended up using a "barf" bag. The turbulance was really bad. Even my partner got sick. She had more of the headache, than the "wanting to throw up" feeling. But we both were feeling under the weather.

The flight out of PDX was delayed by almost 2 hours. The flight out of SFO was delayed about 45 minutes, and then of course, when we got to Sydney, we had to race to the connecting flight. Flights out of SFO were delayed all day. The reason why we didn't leave PDX till late, was because of a flight coming from SFO. All we wanted to do, was to just get home.

Overall the trip home was a great one. I still miss home and my family like crazy. My partner and I did a lot of talking with my mum when we were home, and we'd love to come back home to the States, together one day. But there is a long road ahead of us, to be able to do that. I guess for the time being, we will live here in Australia, as there is a lot of stability here. But maybe somewhere down the road, we will be able to come home.

I will close for now...but I am back home safely here in Australia, and I had a great time back in the States. Now it's back to work on Monday ::big GROAN:: My partner was smart, and added an extra week off, to her vacation, that way she didn't have to go straight back into the work force. I'm spewing I didn't do that.

Kylie Minogue concert

2006-12-14T10:11:00.000+11:00

Yesterday was my last day of work. ::jumping up and down:: No, not my last last day of work, but my last day of work before my holidays. I can hardly believe that the time has come. I've been at my job for over 10 months now. ::shaking head:: How time files eh?

But last night, my partner and I went to see Kylie Minogue in concert. For those who don't know her, she's an Aussie pop star who has been around pretty much as long as Madonna. She's a bit younger, was an Aussie soapie star, and then hit it big with the music. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, when her original tour was to begin. She put off her tour, and she's back ready as ever.

I'm not a HUGE fan of Kylie, and neither is my partner. But we knew she might be okay to see live. And it was a good concert. Unfortunately I didn't know a lot of the songs, because I haven't been around during her whole career. But there were a full house, and the sound was great. The dancers were awesome (aside from the well toned men in speedos ::laughing:: and the lighting was fantastic. Her costumes were out of this world, some I thought "what the heck is she wearing?" But all in all, I enjoyed the concert, even though I was bloody tired. I was up at 6:00 and the concert didn't end till after 11:00. That is soooo way past my bedtime ::laughing::

So today is a quiet day..relaxing, rejuveniating, and preparing myself for our trip. We leave tomorrow morning. I have most of my packing done, but I thought I would reduce some of my load, because I know I'm going to want to bring a lot of stuff home.

I'll still have internet access at my parents place, but I will hardly be online. So if you send messages, or comments, or want to get in touch with me..just be patient. We'll be back in 3 weeks time.

Everyone have a safe and joyous holiday...and I'll try to write at least once while I'm away. But don't scold me if I don't ::smirks::

Charlotte's Web

2006-12-09T22:42:00.000+11:00

Tonight my partner and I went and saw Charlotte's Web. Yes, I know it's rated G, and many may consider this a kids movie. But I remember reading the book, all those years ago. I also remember seeing the play when I was a kid. It was one of my favorite books.

I am a huge Dakota Fanning fan, and when I heard she was going to be doing the movie, and heard all of the people doing voices in the movie, I knew I had to see it. I didn't have any expectations, but because I also knew some of the movie was filmed here in Victoria, I thought it'd be a nice free-spirited type of movie to watch.

I was looking online earlier, and it appears that the movie came out in June of this year in many places. I find it strange that some movies, come out around the same time as they do in the States, but other movies, it takes months for it to come out. Maybe people didn't think it'd do very well here, and that no one would be racing to see the movie. But as school holidays are coming up soon, I guess it was perfect timing for the movie to come out.

I'll admit, I cried in the movie. Even though I knew what was going to happen, I still cried. Of course I tried to pass it off as just wiping something out of my eye, but I cried. Lucky there were not a lot of people in the theater. There were a number of people, and it was bloody warm, but I kept my tears to myself. ::smirks::

How Much Have YOU Changed in 2 Years?

2006-12-05T19:16:00.000+11:00

How Much Have YOU Changed in 2 Years?

How old were you?
~~Then: 26
~~Now: 28

Where did you go to school?
~~Then: I wasn't in school
~~Now: I'm still not in school. I'd like to go back to get my master's degree. However, I am a bit decisive as to what exactly I'd like to study. I do hope to attend a photography class after the new year.

Where did you work?
~~Then: I was working in retail..just for the holiday season. I was on a 4 month working holiday visa at the time.
~~Now: Working for a trustee company. Been there 10 months.

Where did you hang out?
~~Then: I hung around at home a lot. Because I was on a 4 month working holiday visa, I had A LOT of time on my hands. I worked night shift, so I spent much of my day sleeping.
~~Now: I don't really "hang out." I know by the time the weekend arrives, if I'm not working weekends, I'm too buggered to do anything. I do hope we'll be able to go to the beach more often now.

What was your hair style?
~~Then: #2 in the back and sides, and the top was trimmed, to where I could spike my fringe. And bleach highlights of course.
~~Now: it's still the same, though I was hoping to get a haircut today, as I'm looking a bit shaggy ::smirks::

Did you wear glasses?
~~Then: Yes
~~Now: No, only when I'm too lazy to put in my contacts.

Who was your regular-person crush?
~~Then: I didn't have one.
~~Now: Hmm, I have a "crush" on a woman I see at the train station. We've never spoken, and probably never will. We don't see each other often, but she's my "healthy" crush. And yeh, my partner knows about her.

How many tattoos did you have?
~~Then: 3
~~Now: 4

How many piercings did you have?
~~Then: 7
~~Now: 8, I got my cartilage re-pierced. However, it should be noted, that I don't wear earrings anymore. So the 6 holes I have in my ears, well 4 of them probably have closed up. And I still have my belly button pierced.

What did you drive?
~~Then: Nissan Pintara
~~Now: Same, but now I have an automatic, not a manual.

What was your worst fear?
~~Then: Well, we had a major immigration scare 2 years ago (in Sept though)...and by far, my worst fear, was having to go back home, and having a 3 year exclusion period.
~~Now: Honestly, getting fired from my work. I know that won't happen, but I constantly worry about the pressures I am under, and afraid that I just can't keep up.

Had you smoked a cigarette?
~~Then: No..I haven't smoked one since back in 2001. I tried it, and it was gross...and that's the end of it ::smirks::
~~Now: Never again will I. It's a disgusting habit.

You been arrested?
~~Then: No, never
~~Now: Never will I...::crossing fingers::

Had your heart broken?
~~Then: No, wouldn't say heart broken, things were okay then.
~~Now: I wouldn't say I'm heart broken, but I am definitely not 100% content in my relationship.

Australian City to Launch Gay Partner Registry

2006-11-30T20:28:00.000+11:00

(Melbourne, Australia) Melbourne, Australia's second largest city, is set to create a domestic partner registry for same-sex couples. The plan was put forward by openly gay Deputy Lord Mayor Gary Singer and endorsed by Lord Mayor John So.

The registry would be largely symbolic but in a country which has outlawed same-sex marriage the symbolism is important to gay and lesbian couples. In 2004 the federal government passed a law defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

"This register will provide evidence of a relationship," said Singer. "It doesn't have the legal status of marriage but it does provide some evidentiary basis in court for gay and lesbian couples."

The registry would be a first for the state of Victoria and is based on one created in 2002 in Sydney.

The announcement came only days after the state of South Australia announced legislation creating a domestic partner registry that will provide many of the rights of marriage.

Under the Domestic Partners Bill, introduced in the state Parliament on Tuesday (story), any two people who live together as a couple will be covered. It also would allow siblings or other couplings to register.

Attorney-General Michael Atkinson said that he expects the bill will have little difficulty in passing. The opposition parties have announced their backing for the bill.

The legislation would allow same and opposite-sex couples to register and be able to share financial affairs, make medical and funeral arrangements for one another.

Earlier this year the Australian Capital Territory passed legislation giving same-sex couples most of the rights of marriage (story) but the bill was overturned by the federal government.
Atkinson said that he did not expect his bill would meet opposition from the federal government because it recognizes the relationships between all types of interdependent couples.

Following the rejection of the ACT legislation the federal Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission began an investigation into inequities faced by same-sex couples. The commission has been holding hearings across the country. (story)

Public opinion has been slowly shifting in favor of recognizing same-sex relationships and Prime Minister John Howard now has suggested his government may look at ways of granting limited recognition to same-sex couples. But Howard said he has no intention of repealing the ban on gay marriage.

©365Gay.com 2006

I think it's great that this registry passed. But at the same time, if you read the article, it states it's open for str8 couples, and siblings...uhhhh, what??? The fact that they want to label it as a "gay partner registry" and then adding the component that str8 couples and siblings can be part of the registry...isn't that a bit odd?

Str8 couples can get married, and any documentation they provide, can prove they are a couple. If a male/female couple go to a hospital, there isn't any question about anything. But when two people of the same gender go to the hospital, a lot of times, the other partner isn't allowed. And unless there is legal documentation saying "so and so" has permission, it's void.

And the whole siblings thing?? That seriously offends me..to label something as a gay registry, but to include siblings? Am I reading this right? I thought the main purpose of the gay partner registry, was for same sex couples to be able to have their relationship recognized. NO, it doesn't mean that they are married, but there it is a legal recognition of a relationship. If there is the gay partner registry, the couple will be able to make financial, and medical decisions, among other things, without worrying about being taken seriously.

Howard will never approve of gay marriages, but with the way things are going..who knows, he may be booted out of office next election, which is next year. ::crossing fingers that something changes::

Researchers seek routes to happier life

2006-11-27T22:08:00.000+11:00

By MALCOLM RITTER, AP Science Writer Sun Nov 26, 6:23 PM ET

NEW YORK - As a motivational speaker and executive coach, Caroline Adams Miller knows a few things about using mental exercises to achieve goals. But last year, one exercise she was asked to try took her by surprise.

Every night, she was to think of three good things that happened that day and analyze why they occurred. That was supposed to increase her overall happiness.

"I thought it was too simple to be effective," said Miller, 44, of Bethesda. Md. "I went to Harvard. I'm used to things being complicated."

Miller was assigned the task as homework in a master's degree program. But as a chronic worrier, she knew she could use the kind of boost the exercise was supposed to deliver.

She got it.

"The quality of my dreams has changed, I never have trouble falling asleep and I do feel happier," she said.

Results may vary, as they say in the weight-loss ads. But that exercise is one of several that have shown preliminary promise in recent research into how people can make themselves happier — not just for a day or two, but long-term. It's part of a larger body of work that challenges a long-standing skepticism about whether that's even possible.

There's no shortage of advice in how to become a happier person, as a visit to any bookstore will demonstrate. In fact, Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania and colleagues have collected more than 100 specific recommendations, ranging from those of the Buddha through the self-improvement industry of the 1990s.

The problem is, most of the books on store shelves aren't backed up by rigorous research, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California, Riverside, who's conducting such studies now. (She's also writing her own book).

In fact, she says, there has been very little research in how people become happier.

Why? The big reason, she said, is that many researchers have considered that quest to be futile.

For decades, a widely accepted view has been that people are stuck with a basic setting on their happiness thermostat. It says the effects of good or bad life events like marriage, a raise, divorce, or disability will simply fade with time.

We adapt to them just like we stop noticing a bad odor from behind the living room couch after a while, this theory says. So this adaptation would seem to doom any deliberate attempt to raise a person's basic happiness setting.

As two researchers put it in 1996, "It may be that trying to be happier is as futile as trying to be taller."

But recent long-term studies have revealed that the happiness thermostat is more malleable than the popular theory maintained, at least in its extreme form. "Set-point is not destiny," says psychologist Ed Diener of the University of Illinois.

One new study showing change in happiness levels followed thousands of Germans for 17 years. It found that about a quarter changed significantly over that time in their basic level of satisfaction with life. (That's a popular happiness measure; some studies sample how one feels through the day instead.) Nearly a tenth of the German participants changed by three points or more on a 10-point scale.

Other studies show an effect of specific life events, though of course the results are averages and can't predict what will happen to particular individuals. Results show long-lasting shadows associated with events like serious disability, divorce, widowhood, and getting laid off.

The boost from getting married, on the other hand, seems to dissipate after about two years, says psychologist Richard E. Lucas of Michigan State University.

What about the joys of having children? Parents recall those years with fondness, but studies show childrearing takes a toll on marital satisfaction, Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert notes in his recent book, "Stumbling on Happiness." Parents gain in satisfaction as their kids leave home, he said.

"Despite what we read in the popular press," he writes, "the only known symptom of 'empty nest syndrome' is increased smiling."

Gilbert says people are awful at predicting what will make them happy. Yet, Lucas says, "most people are happy most of the time." That is, in a group of people who have reasonably good health and income, most will probably rate a 7.5 or so on a happiness scale of zero to 10, he says.

Still, many people want to be happier. What can they do? That's where research by Lyubomirsky, Seligman and others comes in.

The think-of-three-good-things exercise that Miller, the motivational speaker, found so simplistic at first is among those being tested by Seligman's group at the University of Pennsylvania.

People keep doing it on their own because it's immediately rewarding, said Seligman colleague Acacia Parks. It makes people focus more on good things that happen, which might otherwise be forgotten because of daily disappointments, she said.

Miller said the exercise made her notice more good things in her day, and that now she routinely lists 10 or 20 of them rather than just three.

A second approach that has shown promise in Seligman's group has people discover their personal strengths through a specialized questionnaire and choose the five most prominent ones. Then, every day for a week, they are to apply one or more of their strengths in a new way.

Strengths include things like the ability to find humor or summon enthusiasm, appreciation of beauty, curiosity and love of learning. The idea of the exercise is that using one's major "signature" strengths may be a good way to get engaged in satisfying activities.

These two exercises were among five tested on more than 500 people who'd visited a Web site called "Authentic Happiness." Seligman and colleagues reported last year that the two exercises increased happiness and reduced depressive symptoms for the six months that researchers tracked the participants. The effect was greater for people who kept doing the exercises frequently. A followup study has recently begun.

Another approach under study now is having people work on savoring the pleasing things in their lives like a warm shower or a good breakfast, Parks said. Yet another promising approach is having people write down what they want to be remembered for, to help them bring their daily activities in line with what's really important to them, she said.

Lyubomirsky, meanwhile, is testing some other simple strategies. "This is not rocket science," she said.

For example, in one experiment, participants were asked to regularly practice random acts of kindness, things like holding a door open for a stranger or doing a roommate's dishes, for 10 weeks. The idea was to improve a person's self-image and promote good interactions with other people.

Participants who performed a variety of acts, rather than repeating the same ones, showed an increase in happiness even a month after the experiment was concluded. Those who kept on doing the acts on their own did better than those who didn't.

Other approaches she has found some preliminary promise for include thinking about the happiest day in your life over and over again, without analyzing it, and writing about how you'll be 10 years from now, assuming everything goes just right.

Some strategies appear to work better for some people than others, so it's important to get the right fit, she said.

But it'll take more work to see just how long the happiness boost from all these interventions actually lasts, with studies tracking people for many months or years, Lyubomirsky said.

Any long-term effect will probably depend on people continuing to work at it, just as folks who move to southern California can lose their appreciation of the ocean and weather unless they pursue activities that highlight those natural benefits, she said.

In fact, Diener says, happiness probably is really about work and striving.

"Happiness is the process, not the place," he said via e-mail. "So many of us think that when we get everything just right, and obtain certain goals and circumstances, everything will be in place and we will be happy.... But once we get everything in place, we still need new goals and activities. The Princess could not just stop when she got the Prince."

I thought this was a really interesting article. As a pessimist, I am always trying to find ways to not be so pessimistic. I know that my negative ideas and attitudes, is what can bring me down a lot of the time. I can't help but feel pessimistic, even when I know things are going well. It just seems sencond nature to me, to think that something bad is going to happen, or already think bad thoughts.

I definitely feel like my lack of positive attitude and positive thinking, is what makes me more stressed, and makes me feel like I'm not living the happy life I would like. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy, but I know that there are a lot more happier people out there. Other people just seem to find a way to always find the good in people, and/or situations.

For me, that's hard to do. I've always been extremely hard on myself, and always sense and identifying the bad in people and situations. I often think about what my life would have turned out, had I been more optimistic and positive about my surroundings. I know that I'm doing quite well, compared to others. But at the same time, I know that I could be far better off, if I tried.

So here is my task for the night....3 good things that happened today, and analyze why they occurred.

1) My kitty Charlie lost her collar. The collar she always seems to manage to pull off. The good thing is, I found it. I found it, even though I was in a rush this morning. I knew that my partner would probably be peeved off at the cat, for losing the collar AGAIN. So just before I was ready to walk out the door, I thought I'd take a quick glance outside. And lo and behold, it was lying next to the Asian statue.

Even though I wrote a letter to my partner to let her know I found it, she managed to get another one. But I felt proud that I had found it, considering it could have been anywhere. And I could have been my partner, and just didn't even consider looking. But I did, and I found it...so we have a spare.

2) I didn't get any new files today. That is definitely a good thing that happened today. As for the reason, well, Mondays are usually quiet days, in regards to getting new VCAT orders. But I know that I will probably get a few tomorrow (not being pessimistic), but I was happy that I did not get any today. I was able to concentrate on the work that I already had, and not have to worry about starting up another file. I know when I get a new file, a small tick goes inside of my head, and I start to worry and think about all the information that I need to gather. But today, was a good day..I didn't receive any new files.

3) I wasn't going to go to the division Christmas party. I had it in my head that I didn't want to go. Even though I work with everyone in the division, I don't know a lot of people, and I am not really a social butterfly. But a co-worker of mine, persuaded me to go on Friday. I was adament about not going, but she too, is not into drinking or socializing. But she persuaded me to go, and told me, that we'd leave together. I was a bit hesitant about going for the simple fact, that I don't like riding the train late at night. And I'll most likely have to work on Saturday. But my co-workers smooth words and persuasions, told myself to go and have a good time. So I'm going to.

Reason why the third good thing happened, well, I felt like this co-worker wanted me to go. I felt sort of wanted (in a strange, non-sexual way). I felt like someone wanted me to go....that way I'd be able to socialize.

Early Christmas Pressie

2006-11-24T20:21:00.000+11:00

Soooo, I bought myself a new Xmas pressie (see picture above). If it doesn't show up...well I bought myself the new Canon EOS 400D digital SLR camera.

Well, I haven't actually bought it yet. I had ordered one last weekend, and it was supposed to be in this week. I was going to get a decent deal on this camera. But a mate of mine at work, worked at the same electronics store, and was able to get me a great discount, over $200 off.

He's going to hopefully ring me tomorrow, so that I can transfer funds to his account, and then he'll be able to pick it up for me this next week. I was a bit disappointed, because I wanted to have it this weekend to play with. The weather is supposed to be absolutely beautiful, and it would have been perfect. But I'm going to have to wait another week it looks like before I can play with my new toy.

But I'm looking forward to having some fun with it, and to show my sister. She loves photography and her husband (he's so good to her) bought her the new Nikon digital SLR camera. I'm secretly jealous, but this Canon will still do some great pictures! But my sis will be able to teach me a thing or two, I'm hoping!

Testing, my blog feed

2006-11-21T20:45:00.001+11:00

For some reason, my feed isn't being updated on yahoo 360. The post re: Tom and Katie's wedding (gag) isn't showing up on my feed. So here's testing this, to see if this is updated.

Any computer whiz peeps out there, who know how to keep the feed on yahoo 360 update? I tried it with feedburner (for blogger.com) but it didn't work, it stopped updating. ::shaking head:: I'm not that savvy when it comes to computers, html, and all that jargon

"Tom, Katie Cruise to Matrimony"

2006-11-19T08:36:00.000+11:00

(Portion taken from Eonline.com)

An all-star cast. Breathtaking scenery. Smashing wardrobe design.

It was another blockbuster Tom Cruise production as the star wed Katie Holmes Saturday in a black-tie ceremony at a 15th century castle near Rome.

The bride and groom wore formals designed by Giorgio Armani and exchanged traditional Scientology vows, which are not unlike traditional Judeo-Christian vows, except with references to pans, combs and cats.

Blah blah blah!!! Is it finally finished? Can the media FINALLY stop talking about them and this damn wedding? I am so sick and tired of hearing about "TomKat" and everything about them. Ever since their whole relationship commenced, I was like "break-up already will ya?"
I enjoy my celebrity goss here and there, but when it gets this extreme, I just wanna raise my hand and say "talk to the hand." Do others enjoy all of this goss with celebrities? Or are others just as easily annoyed about TomKat and any other "pet named" couples??

G20 Venue

2006-11-18T16:52:00.000+11:00

Police, protesters clash near G20 venue

Police armed with batons and shields have clashed with anti-globalisation protesters trying to disrupt the G20 summit that has started in Melbourne amid intense security.

Mounted police forced back waves of protesters trying to pull apart barricades surrounding the venue of the talks, attended by finance ministers and central bankers from 19 countries and the European Union.

Treasurer Peter Costello, who is chairing the talks, says the protesters are trying to trash Australia's reputation.

Mr Costello described the attempts by groups to break into the meeting as violent.

"There are hard-core militant and violent groups who have organised for violence, trained for violence and engaged in violence against property and police," he said.

"They are trying to trash the reputation of Melbourne and Australia.

"But Australia is a warm and giving country."

However, Mr Costello said the gathering of some 1,000 demonstrators was far less than had been expected.

"There have been very violent attempts by some groups to try to break into the meeting and disrupt it," he added.

About 2,700 people from an alliance of left-wing groups, anti-war activists, environmentalists and religious organisations took part in the protest after marching from the State Library to the conference venue at the plush Grand Hyatt hotel.

Several police were injured in running clashes outside the venue, including one officer who was taken to hospital with a suspected broken wrist, a police spokeswoman said.

A television journalist was set upon by 20 people and kicked and punched.

The protesters were met by lines of police in full riot gear behind waist-high barricades near the corner of Collins Street in a city centre braced for disorder.

A group of about 100 demonstrators dressed in white jump suits and wearing red scarves as masks marched around the hotel, testing barriers and police lines at several places.

Police chants of "Back off!" were met with a chant of "Our streets" from the crowd.

One protester seized a fire hose from a carpark near the corner of Swanston and Little Collins Streets, briefly turning it on police and the crowd.

At one stage, a group of about 100 protesters broke from the main group and began throwing garbage bins at police.

A group of nine uniformed police, suddenly overwhelmed by protesters, were forced to take shelter behind a van, which protesters then pelted with bottles and rubbish.

The besieged officers were relieved by about 60 uniformed police who mounted a baton charge on the group, scattering the protesters.

Police formed a solid line across Exhibition Street, cleared the area and mounted another charge, moving protesters ahead of them.

As they tried to pull down the barricades, police responded by striking the barricades, yelling at the protesters to back off.

Initially, the atmosphere was festive, with some people dressed as clowns, others as cheerleaders and one as a mermaid.

Margarita Windisch of the Melbourne Stop the War Coalition held handcuffs aloft as she called for the arrest of Mr Wolfowitz, a delegate at the talks.

She told protesters Mr Wolfowitz was "an architect of the Iraq war" and that he was guilty of war crimes.

"You want to arrest Paul Wolfowitz today?" she asked to shouts of approval from the crowd. "We will go to the Hyatt and ask the police to lock up this war criminal!"

Then the protesters pulled down the first of two sets of barricades before being turned back by a cordon of mounted police.

At another, a police line formed in front of a McDonald's restaurant when demonstrators stopped their march and shouted slogans outside. No damage was done.

Earlier, Aboriginal activist Robbie Thorpe addressed the crowd from the back of a truck.
"This country is an institution of racism, built on genocide," he said.

"The G20 is complicit in the genocide of aboriginal people."

Formed in 1999, the G-20 includes the Group of Seven advanced industrial countries and the European Union as well as China, Brazil, India, Russia, South Korea and other major economies.
Argentina, Australia, Indonesia, Mexico, Saudi Arabia, South Africa and Turkey fill out the group, which altogether represents about 90 per cent of the world's gross national product, 80 per cent of the world's trade and two-thirds of its population.

(thanks to yahoo.com.au for the article)

::Grinning:: I felt like I was back in Eugene. As many Oregonians know, Eugene is well known for tree hugging, tye-dye wearing, dread locked, non-deoderant wearing, vegan, left winged environmentalists. Yes, I am making a statement that points out a specific group. However, if you DID visit Eugene, you'd know I was right.

While I was in school, I was surrounded by people who wore dreadlocks, didn't wear deoderant, and were very passionate about one issue or another. Without fail, a protest would occur on campus, and it was a great environment for one to people watch. Whether you agreed with what was being protested, it was great to have people able to express themselves the best way they knew house..thru their voice.

As I was walking around the CBD this afternoon (I worked today) there were tons of people around. I wasn't anywhere near where the protests were, but you could see that some people were taking a "break" from the protesting. Some guy walked past me, and I could get a wiff of his BO, and I thought to myself "self, are we in Eugene." ::snickers::

Good on people who are confident enough to attend protests and marches. And this whole G20 venue is an interesting situation. I just had to chuckle underneath myself holding my breath as I walked past the smelly guy, because for a split second, I felt like I was back in Eugene.

Camera Phones

2006-11-14T20:06:00.000+11:00

Can you believe how far phones have advanced? I remember way back when, my mum and dad had mobile phones for their cars. You plugged the HUGE phone "carriage" if you will, into the cigarette lighter, and you had this big carriage like aparatus. The phone of course was huge, and there were green lights behind the digits.

I think of the commercials on tv, and how many new phones there are out there. Just when you find one you like, and end up going on a contract to buy a specific phone, a new and more exciting phone comes out. I remember when the Nokia 5110 (I think) was out, and I thought it was a "cool" phone. Then the flip phones came about, but yet the screens on them, were like 1/2 cm.

The phone I currently have, took my profile picture (on myspace.com) and the picture of my kitty Charlie. It's a 2 mp camera, and I have to chuckle, because I remember when 2 mp cameras were extremely expensive. Now you can buy cameras up to 12+ mp. You have radios and can do video calling (which by the way is pretty darn cool, but expensive) on your phone....the options are endless.

Not to mention the ringtones you can have now. Lucky for me, I have the bluetooth (yet another crazy invention) and can install my own songs. When someone has a polyphonic ringtone, you know they have an ancient phone. But in reality, the phone really isn't that old. But you think "ohh, get rid of that annoying ringtone."

Phones used to be necessary for emergencies. As I was having car problems, I had a phone just in case something happened. I still use the phone for emergencies, but it's so much easier to just text someone than to actually ring. But with the great plans you can get, it doesn't really matter.

I am still yet, amazed at what phones can do these days, and only can imagine what they'll do in the future.

Home sick

2006-11-11T23:47:00.000+11:00

This is very unlike me, posting more than one post a day. However, recent feelings and current mood has made me realize one thing. I miss home, I miss my life as it was. When I miss home, I like to reminsce about life as it used to be. I like to think of how less stressed I was, and just how different my life was.

I sit here, with "Chasing cars" playing in the background, listening to the lyrics. The first time I heard the song, I cried, and cried. Of course, it was when Grey's Anatomy's season finale had just finished but i was in a soppy mood. Now every time I hear the song, I think about the music clip, think about how I felt the first time I heard the song, and what exactly was going through my mind. ::big sigh::

I won't lie to anyone when they ask me if I miss home. I can still remember breaking down in tears the trip from the airport when I arrived September 12, 2004. I was a complete wreck. Even though I was excited about being back in the arms of my lover, I was completely overwhelmed with what I had left behind. I can remember clear as day, mum crying and me trying not to see her cry. My friends, Lisa and Jodi (bless their hearts) waited till I walked through the gates. Jodi was trying to console my mother, and my mum crying.

As I sit here, tears run down my face (I'm not afraid to express my feelings), I just want to be back home. I want to be with my family, my friends, common ground. I want to laugh and joke like I used to. I want to be happy. I am finding it hard to be happy because I miss home so much.

Before I left, I kept telling myself that I wouldn't miss my family and friends that much. Not because I didn't care about them, I just didn't think that this distance would actually have an impact on me. But it has impacted me tremendously. The reality that I wouldn't be home for a couple of years, it hurt. I hurt because I knew that my parents were going through a rough time, and I was just leaving them at a bad time. I was leaving and I knew I wasn't going to be able to cry on my mum's shoulder. Who was going to help me through the rough times? Who was going to give me words of wisdom?

It's amazing at how much you miss someone, or something, when it's no longer in your grasp. Even though my parents are a phone call away, I hate talking on the phone with them. It's so impersonal, and just isn't the same. If I didn't hate talking on the phone so much, I probably would call them more often. But there shouldn't be anything stopping them from ringing me.

I'm just sad...sad sad sad. Sad that I am so far away from the life I'm so confortable with. Sad that I can't just go over to my friends house to cry on their shoulder. Sad that I can't close my eyes, and have my mum sitting next to me to comfort me. Sad that I don't think my partner has ANY idea of how much I sacrificed to be with her. I'm just a sad little girl, who wants nothing more than to be home.

Picture

2006-11-11T11:49:00.000+11:00

I have been catching up with a lot of people back from the ol' high school days. And as many years can go by quickly, so can one's appearance ::snickers:: I'm not keen on providing pictures of myself and/or my partner. However, I have conferred with the partner, and she's agreed to one pic.

So for those who have NO idea what I look like, you'll be able to get a glimpse of who's behind all of the blogging.

And for those who haven't seen me since high school, well I'm not the long haired girly girl I was back then. But as I think about it, I don't think I ever was a girly girl. ::snickers::

Now, now that I have presented pics...please no crude comments. I know we're not all that and a bag of chips, but who is REALLY??? Okay, okay, I know there are beauties out there, but frankly we're just two ordinary people, nothing more, nothing less. ::grinning:: The point of showing pictures, is so you get an idea of who you're talking to. I'm not looking to be rated, that's way outdated and way elementary!!

http://www.myspace.com/gaylicious

My Quarterly performance review

2006-11-09T21:43:00.001+11:00

Without giving TOO much away about my work (just b/c I don't know who's reading this, and my sis told me to be careful what I write) I'd just like to point out that quarterly performance review went surprisingly well. I'm quite happy at the moment, for the simple fact, I've been stressing LIKE MAD about my job.

But to make a long story short, my manager advised me that people feel as though I'm an asset to the company, they understand how much under the pump I'm at right now, and being at this job for only 9 months, they think I've been coping pretty well.

I'm stressing about my work load for when I'm away, and I talked about it today with my manager. Even though things are not going to get any easier, there may be a little light at the end of the tunnel. Just in terms of the short term action plan. I can still see myself stressing A LOT, but I feel like after our meeting, I felt like I was an asset and appreciated for what I've been doing. My manager told me that there are things that need to be recognized, that don't always get expressed, and maybe performance review time is that time to express that.

I felt like throwing in the towel a few days ago, but now I feel like I'm going to be okay. Don't hold your breath thou, that I won't be whinging about something else. But my managers see potential in me, and they wouldn't give me the work they have, the work load they have, if they didn't have confidence in me. My partner tried to tell me this over and over, but sometimes it has to be heard by management. I'm secretly afraid of getting fired, and after today's conversation, I don't think that'll happen anytime soon.

So I think I'll sleep well tonight. ::crossing my fingers::

Cost of Limes

2006-11-07T18:21:00.000+11:00

Last night, my partner and I went to the grocery store to pick up some last minute stuff for today's bbq. (For those NON-Melbournians, we had today off due to the Melbourne Cup. YES, we do get a day off because of a horse race). I was busy getting my list of items, my partner got the things she needed.

I went to the cashier, he was busy ringing up my groceries. When he told me the total, it was over $50.00. I looked at him and said "what?" Evidently, the limes, were $19.95 each. I was like "no way that's a mistake." He tried again, and I guess they were $19.95 per kg. I still was flabbergasted, and thought to myself "I don't think I want these as much as I thought."

Can you believe it, $19.95 for a couple of limes. I didn't think limes were hard to come by these days. I wanted to make a salad, and it needed lime juice. I told myself I'd just use lemon juice. It won't taste the same, but I wasn't about to spend that much money on some silly fruit. I'm secretly laughing right now, because I dropped a lime, so there goes $19.95 down the drain ::snickers::

Arena TV Viewers

2006-11-04T18:48:00.000+11:00

Attention Aussie Arena TV viewers!!!

I need help...I need help! I've been trying and trying to get onto the Arena TV message board, but it keeps telling me I need to log in. I've logged in, and I keep getting the "permission denied" by the website. ::shaking head glumly::

The main reason why I want to get onto the site, is I'm DYING to know the song, that's played during the Arena TV promotion for The OC. People keep saying that the song is "Headlights" by Bruce Aisher and Richard Salmon. But for the life of me, I can't find the song ANYWHERE.

So if you're an Aussie viewer, and KNOW that song I'm talking about..and can listen to any of the lyrics, aside from "headlights coming" and know the song, I'd be enternally grateful!!!

Happy Halloween

2006-10-31T20:04:00.000+11:00

Happy halloween one and all! I was writing an email to my mum, and one thing I really miss right now...is being able to carve jack-o-lanterns, and roasting the pumpkin seeds.
Here's an awesome site, if you haven't seen it before.

http://www.pumpkingutter.com

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Spring Forward

2006-10-28T22:10:00.000+10:00

It's that time of the year again...where we spring forward (and the other half of the world "fall" back.

I think the whole DLS thing is weird. In truth, because it's something I've always known, I thought it was something that just was. But I know here in Australia, it was delayed last year. I guess because of the Commonwealth Games going on, they decided to wait to "fall" back.

Honestly, what is the point of it? And who really thought of this concept? Yes, I know it has to do with the amount of light available to farmers...but like, how does something like this get enacted? Something to where the world all participates in it? Or are there parts of the world that DON'T participate in DLS????

I'd be curious to know.....

Car Wash

2006-10-23T22:03:00.000+10:00

Can you believe it, in all my life, I have not actually been thru a car wash myself? I've always been the passenger, but never the driver.

As Australia is going through a major water crisis at the moment (well it's actually been going on for quite some time) we can't seem to wash our cars anymore. If we do, we have to use a bucket, and even to rinse the car, we have to use a bucket. Soooo, I went thru the car wash this evening. I went late, as I hate having to wait for other people at the petrol station. It was kind of weird and creepy going by myself.

But now I have a shiny clean car.

Do you think it's strange, that I've never been thru a car wash?

That's like me, and not going through the drive thru either. I think I've been the driver in a vehicle, that went through a drive thru, about the number of fingers you can count on one hand. I'm not find of the drive thru either, as they seem to be really narrow. I'm always afraid that I'm going to hit something ::snickers:: But I guess when you're in a hurry, you'll find a way to go through one.

Couple of Aussie advertisements

2006-10-20T16:48:00.000+10:00

Aussies have quite a few hillarious advertisements. I thought I'd share a couple of them.
The Bigpond advert is quite funny. Every time it comes on tv, my partner starts laughing hysterically. She's literally obsessed with the little boy and the commercial. She even has him as our wallpaper on our desktop ::smirks::

The second one, it about 3-4 years old I think. But the first time I saw it, I couldn't stop laughing. "NOT HAPPY JAN" is something I say a lot, and those who've seen the commercial, can relate.

I hope you all get a chuckle out of it...and well, it was put up on the youtube.com website.

Enjoy,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvlWQyvEI38
Bigpond advertisement

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2akt3P8ltLM
Not Happy Jan advertisement.

Perspective of age

2006-10-14T14:29:00.000+10:00

As my birthday approaches (no this isn't my plug to advertise my upcoming birthday) I can't help but think about my age, and more importantly, how things have changed in the last 10 years. I say the last 10 years, because my 10 year class reunion will be coming up this upcoming summer. Unfortunately I will not be attending this joyous occassion ::smirks) but the more people I find on myspace, the more I think about everyone I grew up with, and just how different we all have become.

I look at myself, my age, and how I have progressed thus far in life. I think about how my sister has progressed, and my co-workers. I look at myself, being almost 28, and I think I haven't got anything to speak for. I am not some world famous person, nor do I believe I have made any impact in anyone's life. Of course, people who know me, may raise their hand in protest. But I haven't made a mark in this world yet. I'm almost 28, and even though I finished high school, and have a basic 4 year university degree, do I have anything to show for it? I haven't bought my first new car (many people my age may have at this time. I haven't bought a new house. I don't have kids. And truthfully, I wouldn't say I have a successful career.

I feel like I'm barely getting my life together. I still feel naive in a lot of ways, and feel very sheltered. As for why, ::shrugs shoulders:: I can't give a definite reason as to why I believe this. I wouldn't identify myself as immature, I do believe I've always been mature for my age. Maybe it's why I've always gotten along better with older women. My partner is considerably older, and I get along great with her family. But at times, I feel so unproductive.

I think back, to when I was 17, and fell in love with a woman. She was 25, and I thought she was the best thing in the world. When I think about how naive and immature I was, I think about how I looked up to her, and thought "wow, 25, she's so old and has it so together." When I was 25, I was nothing like her, in terms of being "together." At almost 28, I still don't think I have it together. I honestly don't know when that light will come on in my head and I'll realize "I'm together."

If I feel this way at 28, how much longer will I feel this way? Do I feel this way, because I'm always secretly comparing myself to the rest of the world? I know I shouldn't compare...but pressures in my own life (past and present) I feel like I have something to prove. Even though I feel this way, I'm happy with my life. But I also feel like there's something missing in it. I know I have to stop comparing myself to others, and realize that I am my own person. I DO know I am my own person, but I always feel like I should be someone else. Or like someone else.

Age is a funny thing, and the older I get, the more I feel like I'm losing control of my life.

Public Transportation

2006-10-12T20:50:00.000+10:00

As someone who doesn't like to drive in a city with 1) the population of over 3 million people 2) the drivers side on the right side of the car and 3) driving on the left side of the road.....I try to avoid driving if I can. I rarely ever drive. Even back at home, I wasn't a big fan of driving in Portland. Portland is a BABY town in comparison to Melbourne.

But since moving to Australia, and working in the actual CBD (Central Business District) I see the traffic and the people, and my head goes into a frenzy. I know I'm a good driver (knock on wood, and brushing the memory of my first accident I had back in 1997), but it's not necessarily me I'm worried about but all the other people. There are people coming and going, pushing their way in and honking and not caring for the world who they piss off.

Lucky for me, my job doesn't entail me to drive. Well, not yet at least. This time next year, I'll be driving 4-5 hours sometimes to see clients. Not looking forward to it, but with my satellite navigation system, I am bound to NOT get lost. ::snickers:: Knowing me, I'll certainly find a way to get lost. But I enjoy not driving if I don't have to. I drive to the train station, that's 20 minutes away, and that's fine and dandy for me.

But there is the downside to taking public transportation. My train ride into the city is about 45 minutes. Going to work in the morning isn't a problem. Though parking lately has become a bit of an issue, because they've shut down one major parking venue to be re-modelled. My train stop is the first station on the line, so I'm always getting a seat. But even though we're the first stop on the line, people still push and shove to get a seat.

Coming home, is a complete nightmare. For instance, tonight, someone tragically got hit by a train on our line (before I went home) and so all trains on my line, were cancelled. I had to take ANOTHER line, and had to get dropped off at a train station there. THEN, there was a supposed bus that was to take us to another train station, which would then let us get on the train to head back to my train station.

I get on the train, and there are tons of people already on. I walk further toward the middle, because I know more and more people are going to be getting on. We get a few stations down the line, and people start yelling at others to move down the line. But we can't, because it's already packed. Aside from the original commuters, there had to be extra room made for the commuters who couldn't get on the other train line. It was stuffy (hottest day in October since 1914...got up to 97F) and people were being really cranky.

I get off on the train station that is to connect me to my bus. No way was I going to get on a bus. There were TONS of people waiting to get out of the train station, and then ONTO the bus. 3 buses went by but I knew there was no way I'd be able to get on. People were complaining, pushing, yelling, it was a mad house.

I decided to call my partner, and have her come pick me up. It would take her 30 minutes to get to where I was, but I wasn't about to try and get on this bus. Not with the way things were going. I ended up calling her, but my phone was making noises that the battery was running down. I started to panic, but knew that most likely my phone wouldn't die on me, as it has a long battery life, even when it says "low battery."

Waiting for someone to pick you up, in a suburb that you're unfamiliar with...it can be a bit scary. Not to mention, people starting at you, and it getting darker and darker outside. I wasn't a happy camper, but kept my cool. Though it was still 86F out, at 6:00pm.

We made it home safely, but I'm secretly cursing. I wish I had more confidence in driving, but at the same time, public transportation is usually pretty reliable.

Melbourne is a pretty big city, and our public transportation system is shocking. I hear about how the well the transportation systems run in Japan and even in European countries, and I secretly hope and wish that Australia will get with the times.

Melbourne will be laying out a new ticket system next year, and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm happy with the way things are running now (to a certain extent) and I know that when something new is introduced, it's going to cause chaos. And are the enforcement officers going to give any leniency, probably not.

Gotta love them cats

2006-10-08T18:54:00.000+10:00

My aunt sent me the following video link of some silly cats. Just copy and paste the url, if you can't go directly the link while clicking it.

I couldn't help but laugh at some of the videos. The one part, where the woman is pretending to be a boxer with the cat who is on it's hind legs, I can't help but laugh. That exact video reminds me of how Charlie (my partner's cat) and I play.

And the video with the cats chasing the reflection on the wall, Charlie LOVES the laser light. She goes mad, and has every one in hysterics.

I hope this video brings some laughter into your life..even for a brief moment :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuXJqqfemXA

My tattoo

2006-09-23T10:11:00.000+10:00

Last night I went and got my tattoo. The above image the the layout I used. I got it done on my spine. Well, it's almost at my neck, but just below the collar. The guy that did my tattoo was really great. He was chatty, and we both love the tv show Miami Ink. But I kept feeling like he couldn't hear me over the tattoo gun, but he seemed to, as he kept chatting. Lucky my partner was there to help with the chatting.

Even though this is my 4th tattoo, I was still nervous. It's been almost 3 years since I had my last tattoo, and I couldn't quite remember how it felt. But once he started it, I was like "yep, I remember." There were a few sore spots, and my partner could see my cringing. There were times where the tattoo artist would do a long line, and by the end of the line, I was like "arrrg." The pain doesn't make you cry, it just, well, HURTS..lol.

I don't remember how I washed the tattoos previously. I was reading the manual, they gave, and they advised not to use bar soap or anti-bacterial soap. The said to use this cleansing foam that they had at the store. But the tattoo guy didn't give me any, and didn't make it seem like I needed it. I did use plain soap, but not a lot. I figured that I can't not wash it. But I'm gentle with it. They did give me some tattoo cream to keep on it after it's been washed, but I hope I'm doing the right thing..lol. The guy said that in a few weeks, if there are some spots that need to be touched up, I can go in. So we'll see how it heals. When it does heal, I'll post another pic.

One year ago...

2006-09-20T17:46:00.000+10:00

Our nightmare began. I can't believe it's been a year since my partner and I lodged our immigration paperwork. For those avid readers of mine who have been with me since the beginning, know very well what happened. I won't bore with the details, but to make a long story short, I thought I was going to be deported or sent to a detention camp. You hear about the horror stories with immigration and all the bungles that can occur. Well, I experienced it, and for about 2 months, our relationship was hanging in rapids. I think those 2 months were the worst months of my life.

But a year has gone bye, and things still seem to be going okay. Yes, there are still "problems" but the fiasco we had last year with immigration, well, let's just say if we were able to get thru that, we can get through anything!

Sorry I haven't blogged for awhile, I've been pretty flat out lately!

Woke up to a Huntsman on the ceiling

2006-09-10T10:13:00.000+10:00

Apologies for all you spider lovers, and believers that all animals shouldn't be harmed. But I just HAD to.

I was fast asleep, dreaming about something so off the wall ::smirks:: when I decide to open my eyes. I must be reading too much Harry Potter at the moment, b/c that's what my dream was about. And it had Britney Spears in it as well. WEIRD combination I must say. Back to my morning...

My partner says "hun."

I groggingly (okay so that may not be a word, but so what) say "what?"

She says "look up there, in the corner."

I knew straight away what it was, and yes, I was correct. A huge huntsman spider was in the corner, staring down at us. I knew instantly that I was going to have to kill it.

My partner HATES spiders with a passion and is freaked out by them in the easiest way possible. But these huntsman (do a search on them if ya want) spiders, they're big, but sort of harmless. They just look big, and quite intimidating.

I closed my eyes and said "aww, don't worry about it."

I laid there with my eyes closed for about a minute when I realized I was going to have to get up. So I went into the kitchen, grabbed the spider spray underneath the sink, grabbed a broom from the utility room and ventured back into the bedroom.

I said "now, you're going to have to help me, I can't do this on my own."

She says "what do you want me to do?"

I said "come over to my side of the bed."

She wouldn't go back into the bedroom, and she started whinging.

I raised my voice and said "I'm not going to do this, if you don't help me."

She started getting all flustered and I said "fine, I'm not going to do it." And I put the can of spray down and the broom.

She went into the lounge, I went back to bed. I wasn't going to be bothered, if the spider went away, then great. One less thing I'd have to worry about.

A few minutes later she says "hun, it's moving."

I said "well, are you going to help me?"

She said "what do you want me to do?"

We then proceeded to walk to the bed, I had the broom stick in my hand, she had the can of spider spray. I covered the spider with the broom head, and she started spraying. Of course she wasn't getting even close to the spider. The spider started to crawl from out of the broom head.

I said "give me your shoe."

She gave it to me, I tried to kill the spider as it was crawling out of the broom head. I seemed to have missed, and the spider fell to the ground. I quickly grabbed the can of spray and sprayed it with my dear life. But the spider kept crawling slowly. I then smashed the spider with the shoe.

All is now well, as Mr Spider has seened the last of his days. This thing was massive. It's circumference was about the size of a small sand dollar. And they can even get bigger. Even though they're not harmful really, I didn't want to chance one crawling all over me in the middle of the night. I do imagine they crawl on the bed, but I'd rather not know about it. ::laughing lightly::

Croc Hunter Steve Irwin dead in accident

2006-09-04T15:27:00.000+10:00

Thanks to yahoo.com.au

Television personality and environmentalist Steve Irwin has died in a marine accident in north Queensland.

The 44-year-old is believed to have been killed by a stingray barb that went through his chest.

He was filming an underwater documentary off Port Douglas when the accident occurred.

The Queensland Ambulance Service (QAS) said a call was received about 11am (AEST) on Monday and an emergency services helicopter was flown to the boat on Batt Reef, off the coast near Cairns, with a doctor and emergency services paramedic on board.

Mr Irwin had a puncture wound to the left side of his chest and he was pronounced dead at the scene.

Mr Irwin's body is being flown to Cairns.

It's believed Mr Irwin's American-born wife Terri is trekking on Cradle Mountain in Tasmania and has yet to be told of her husband's death.

Mr Irwin - known worldwide as the Crocodile Hunter - is famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchcry "Crikey!".

The father of two's Crocodile Hunter program was first broadcast in 1992 and has been shown around the world on cable network Discovery.

He's also starred in movies and has developed the Australia Zoo wildlife park, north of Brisbane, which was started by his parents Bob and Lyn Irwin.

The Irwins have two children - a daughter, Bindi Sue Irwin, eight, and a three-year-old son, Robert (Bob) Clarence Irwin.

Bob was involved in a controversial incident with his father in January, 2004, when he dangled him near a crocodile at Australia Zoo.

Mr Irwin carried his infant son in one arm while feeding a dead chicken carcass to a crocodile with the other hand.

Child welfare and animal rights groups criticised his actions as irresponsible and tantamount to child abuse.

Mr Irwin stated any danger to his son was only a perceived danger and that he was in complete control of the situation.

Foreign Minister Alexander Downer, who used a photograph of his family at Australia Zoo for his official Christmas card last year, hailed Mr Irwin for his work in promoting Australia.
Mr Irwin was heavily involved in last year's "G'Day LA" campaign.

"The minister knew him, was fond of him and was very, very appreciative of all the work he'd done to promote Australia overseas," a spokesman said

Though I wasn't a bit fan of Steve Irwin, I couldn't help but get a little chuckle when ever I heard him talk. My partner and I were watching a tv show, when the breaking news came up. The reporter first announced that Steve Irwin had been seriously injured. Then about 15 minutes later, another breaking news headline came up and it was announced that he was dead. It's pretty sad, but the man died doing what he loved. It's just unfortunate that his two children will have to grow up with out a father.

Thanks for the advice

2006-09-02T13:59:00.000+10:00

Thanks to everyone who has given some great advice regarding the previous topic. It seems like this is an issue that is a constant one. And I do ask myself every day "will it get better?" People say that I don't deserve it, and I know that I don't. But I keep having faith and hope, that things WILL get better.

After I was so upset with this whole issue, I had a chat with my partner, and she stated that she was scared of what the doctor would say. She is afraid the doctor will want to put her on hormone replacement tablets and she doesn't want that. She started to get all teary, and I started too as well. I told her that this was something we needed to get resolved because it wasn't doing any good for either of us.

This was a few weeks ago, and of course nothing has happened. I got in a huff a couple of nights ago, because when I asked my partner when she was going to go to the doctor, she just gave me this "look."

I had a brief email conversation with my mum about this, because I was pretty distraught. And I guess the thing is, people can tell me their own advise and opinions, and people may have been through this themselves. But can anything really make one feel better? I'm hoping that when I go home for the holidays, I'll be able to have a good chat with my mum about it. I wasn't trying to get too personal, but I wanted her to know how upset I've been. I'm here in Australia, no family, hardly any friends...and frankly, I need a lot more support.

I haven't blogged in a little while, and I guess it's just cuz I've kind of still been down and out. I can only keep prying and keep hoping that things will change. I'm not the sort of person to just give up on love and a relationship because there isn't any intimacy. But I AM human, and I DO need some affection and love shown.

Will things get better??

2006-08-19T08:51:00.000+10:00

Things at the moment are OK..not the greatest, could definitely get better. But I keep trying to tell myself that things will get better. But it's not me, it's my partner. The more I try to talk with her about it, the more she gets distant.

Without getting into too much detail, it just wires down to the fact that my partner's sex drive is just non-existent. I've tried and tried to get her to see someone about it. But she's too embarrassed to admit to someone that she's got no sex drive. I'm not a nymphomaniac, but I do have to have sex. And I don't want to push her into having it...but she just has NO desire. I ask her why and she says "I don't know."

I sent my mum an email today talking to her about it, and I just started crying. I was crying this morning in bed. This issue has been going on for over a year now. And I don't know how much more I can take. There's no point in talking to her about it, because she just laughs it off, like it's okay. She then gets all defensive and says "don't you realize how it affects me?" And I do realize it..but if it's such a problem, why hasn't she gone and asked for help? She uses the excuse that she's never been that sexual of a person. But even if you're not, you should at least try to make an effort. Sex isn't just about sex, it's about cuddling, and kissing and hugging. NONE of that exists in our household. I'm the only one who will kiss her, and come up to her to give her a hug. I'm the only one that says "I love you." I'm SICK SICK SICK of it. One can go w/o sex for so long.

I thought her going to day shift would really make things better for us. But it hasn't. I don't get home till 5:30 some nights, even 7:00 if I'm working till 5:30. I think she gets annoyed that I don't cook. Well, if she wants to have dinner late, I can work. But she hates eating late. I tell her to cook for herself and I'll cook when I get home.

It's like we're just plodding along each day. But there is no spark, no excitement, and truthfully, no love. She says she still loves me. But I often wonder if she does. If this is how she shows people she loves them, well I CAN see why others broke up with her. Our relationship is boring, she's boring. I'm young (well, younger than her) and I still have my whole life ahead of me. I need to have excitement and joy in my relationship. I feel like we're an old couple who are bed-ridden. In this case, house-ridden. I have more fun and excitement at work, than I do at home. And that's a scary thought, being work is so full on and very stressful. But I have more interactions with people at work, than I do at home.

I'm here in a foreign country, have no one to talk to, no peers to bounce things off of...and I feel trapped. I feel like I'm in a small confined space, and I'm screaming. But yet no one is listening. Especially not the person that needs to hear this the most. If I do scream, she only laughs and thinks nothing of it.

How can I make her see that it is an ISSUE, and that she needs to get it fixed YESTERDAY????

US child murder suspect arrested in Thailand

2006-08-17T19:28:00.000+10:00

Taken from yahoo.com.au

BANGKOK (AFP) - An American arrested in Thailand over the murder of child "beauty queen" JonBenet Ramsey has said her death was accidental and told police he loved the six-year-old girl.

The arrest of John Mark Karr in Bangkok on Wednesday was a surprise breakthrough in the lurid case of JonBenet, who was found beaten and strangled to death in her family's Colorado house the day after Christmas in 1996.

The case captivated the United States and put the spotlight on the phenomenon of child beauty pageants, where the young blonde was videotaped in lipstick, jewelry and gowns, pouting seductively for the cameras.

The head of Thai immigration police, Lieutenant General Suwat Thamrongsrisakul, said that Karr had confessed to the killing but indicated that it was unintentional.

"He said he was in love with the girl, and on the day the incident happened, he went to see the girl at her house. The two of them went into the basement, which is where he said he accidentally killed her," Suwat told reporters.

In a brief appearance before reporters, the 41-year-old Karr was asked if he killed the child and said: "No, I did not. It was an accident."

Thai police working with US law enforcement officials arrested Mark after an arrest warrant was issued in the United States on charges of murder, kidnapping, and sexual assault on a child.
Ann Hurst, an attache for the US Department of Homeland Security, told a press conference here that Karr would be returned to the United States within the week.

US authorities have been working with Thai police for about two months to track down Karr, she said, adding that he could be linked to another crime in California.

The murder, unsolved for nearly a decade, became the subject of books and a television movie, and drew attention to the phenomenon of child beauty pageants.

For months, newscasts broadcast footage of the cherubic blonde prancing about in a revealing Las Vegas showgirl outfit or pouting at the camera mimicking a seductive adult.

Critics of the pageants said some of the pictures risked crossing the line into child pornography -- which has been a regular problem in Thailand, where Karr was taken into custody.

At the time of the killing, suspicion fell on her wealthy parents, who resisted police attempts to interview them for months and hired an army of publicists and private detectives to defend themselves in the media.

Her father John Ramsey told US television network ABC that he was relieved at news of the arrest but that he had never heard of Karr.

"Well, it's certainly a day we have been waiting for for 10 years. I hope this is a first major step in really drawing this to a conclusion, but it also opens up old wounds, and that's painful," he said.

Ramsey said he had been made aware in the past two weeks that Karr was a suspect under surveillance, but that he was not sure he had ever met him before.

"We don't know certainly that with 100 percent certainty that this is the guy," he said.
JonBenet's parents always maintained that an intruder had broken into their home and killed her. Her mother Patsy Ramsey died of cancer in June.

She had called the police on December 26, 1996, to report her daughter missing and said that she had found a ransom note demanding 118,000 dollars.

Police searched the house inconclusively, then asked the father to check it again.
Ramsey and a neighbor found JonBenet's body in the basement storeroom.

Developments in the case unfolded in the public eye, and left Americans sharply divided as to who was to blame.

Some believed one of her parents was guilty but that police had given them special treatment because of their wealth. Others sided with the family, who always argued that the police failed to consider other scenarios.

I sooo remember when this happened. I remember reading the book, watching the movie, reading the newspapers. It was such a eerie feeling when I read about this case. And now 10 years later, the case has been solved..or at least someone has been arrested.

I've been facinated with true crime and forensics..and to have a case go unsolved for 10 years, and then have this come up, I can't imagine how much work has gone into this case. You'd think that after 10 years, or even less, that people wouldn't still be investigating the case. I know it's a cold case, and people still do investigate them, but makes me wonder what motivated people to end up with the leads they did get. And then of course, which ultimately led them to Thailand. Hmm, makes me wonder what the guy was charged for in Thailand.

Spring is Near

2006-08-13T13:16:00.000+10:00

I can tell that spring will soon be approaching. Aside from the sun beaming ino this room, the weather is absolutely wonderful. People are mowing their lawns, and you can smell the aroma of a bbq permeating. But to top it off....you know spring is approaching, when you get your first FLY in the house.

I was busy putting the clothes away, and heard this buzzing noise. Lo and behold, a damn fly was buzzing around in the bedroom. I was outside earlier reading the newspaper, but left the door open. The fly must have gotten in that way.

It's been nice not having bugs around the house. Flies and bugs buzzing around the house, it irks me. The warmer days and leaving the doors open will also invite the Huntsman spiders. My partner FREAKS when she sees them. They're like the size of a quarter, and she always makes me kill them.

I can't hear the fly buzzing around at the moment..so let's hope they realized they were an uninvited guest, and fly away.

UK terrorist plot foiled...

2006-08-12T11:39:00.000+10:00

When I heard how the UK authorties managed to stop a potential terrorist attack on US bound planes for the UK, I had mixed feelings. In one aspect, I was a bit scared, but in retrospect, I know that's what the terrorists want. I don't even know if it's politically correct to call them terrorists, those who have been arrested.

My partner and I are going back home in December, and she's a bit freaked out right now. She asked me last night, as we were reading the newspaper and watching the news if I was scared at all. And I said I wasn't. I always have a sub-conscious fear when ever I fly. But it's just because it's such a long flight, and we're in the air, over the ocean for a LONG time. I think I worry more about running out of fuel, than I do of a terrorist attack.

I know the authorities are doing their very best to precaution everyone, but I DO admit, I'm a bit PEEVED that I won't be able to bring my mobile phone or IPOD on the plane with me. Like I'm REALLY going to put that in my check-in bag. Baggage handlers are notorious for pinching off goods. I've had a camera stolen before. I think about my sister, who has a really nice camera. And if she goes on holiday somewhere, are they going to make her put it in her check in bag? I sure as hell wouldn't. But then if they confiscate it, what will she be able to take pictures with???

When I go home this Xmas, I want to bring my Ipod and my mobile phone. I don't know how I'd survive w/o any music. And my mobile phone will be used while I'm there, to keep in contact with people. I know peopl are on high alert right now..but I just hope that by Xmas, we'll be allowed to bring mobile phones and Ipods.

Okay, got my name written in Korean

2006-08-10T20:24:00.000+10:00

Okay, so a nice woman who read my blog about wanting my name in Korean....has a Korean friend that was able to write my name in Korean. First off, MANY MANY thanks to her and her friend for doing this for me. I'm quite happy now. I just have to ensure that I have it the way it's supposed to (vertical or horizontal).

But now that I have it written, I need to fancy it up a bit. The characters aren't thick characters like with Chinese or Japanese writing. Any ideas out there, to make the tattoo more interesting?

First "hate" message

2006-08-05T18:04:00.000+10:00

Yesterday, I had my first "hate my consultant" message.

A client of mine, wants to buy a pair of transitional lenses. In truth, she already bought them, and the eyeglass store called us to ask us how we were going to make these payments. Because the client visit was already done, and there was no mention of needing glasses, AND the client is so new, I wasn't actually able to approve these transitional lenses.

Well, my client ALL week has been focusing her attention on getting these glasses. I've talked to her case manager and the eye doctor and they've advised she doesn't need the glasses. After further thinking and investigating I advised my client that I would allow up to $200 for a pair of glasses. Her case manager knows of a place where medicare can bulk bill, and she can get a pair for under $200. The issue is, is she wants the fancy pair.

I called her yesterday to let her know that I wouldn't be paying for $400 glasses. She stated that she'd buy them herself. I asked her where she was going to get the money, since all the funds are sent to us. (Lucky for me, I put a stop on his bank accounts that he's not currently using). She stated she was going to go to the bank and do this. I told her I wasn't going to be paying for it. She got all upset and stated "I will just cut myself then." I said "no, that isn't necessary." She then stated "you don't want me to cut myself do you?" And I said "no, I don't want that to happen." And she stated, "you tell my case manager I'm going to cut myself if I don't get these glasses." I let her think a little, and then she ended up hanging up on me.

When I got off the phone with her, I contacted her case manager. I just wanted her to know what was going on, and to get some feedback as to what behavioral steps we can take. She was in agreeance with me about the $200 glasses, and advised her care worker had already set up an appointment this week to see an eye doctor and be fitted for glasses. Whether she'll attend, and purchase the glasses, that's another story. But I told her what she had stated about cutting herself, and using emotional manipulation. There was nothing I could do, or the case manager could do, but I advised that I wouldn't be contacting my client, in regards to this issue. I would be waiting to find out what happens after Tuesday.

As soon as I got off the phone, I checked my email, and there was a message from the contact centre. In the message, it was a "I hate consultant DB, I want a male consultant." I just shrugged my shoulders and said to myself "I must now be initiated."

UK court won't recognize overseas gay weddings

2006-08-01T19:10:00.000+10:00

Am I not surprised??? The saga continues doesn't it? I know people must be kind of annoyed that I'm focusing a lot of attention recently on same sex marriage. But it's in the news, it's constantly in the news. It's going to be a constant issue, whether we like it or not. And even if it EVER does get resolved, people still will be unhappy. But I try to tell myself it took quite some time for women to be allowed to vote, and for interracial marriage to become legal, this is just another hurdle to overcome. I just hope I live long enough to see some positive results.

LONDON -- A British court refused to recognize the same-sex marriage of two university professors Monday, ruling that marriage has long been accepted in Britain as a union between a man and a woman.

Sue Wilkinson, 49, and Celia Kitzinger, 52, wed in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003 and had asked London's High Court for legal recognition of the marriage. They argued that their relationship was like that of any other married couple and that, by calling it a civil partnership, Britain had violated their human rights.

Mark Potter, president of the high court's family division, ruled there was a "long-standing definition and acceptance" that marriage refers to a relationship between a man and a woman, primarily intended to raise children.

"To accord a same-sex relationship the title and status of marriage would be to fly in the face of the (European) Convention (on Human Rights) as well as to fail to recognize physical reality," Potter said.

However, Potter said lasting single-sex relationships were "in no way inferior" to relationships between a man and women.

"We are deeply disappointed by the judgment, not just for ourselves but for other gay couples and families," Wilkinson said after walking from the courtroom holding Kitzinger's hand. "It perpetuates discrimination and it sends out the message that lesbian and gay marriages are inferior."

Potter said that he believed people across England and Europe respected the concept of marriage and believed it was an important means of protecting the traditional family unit.
"The belief that this form of relationship is the one which best encourages stability in a well-regulated society is not a disreputable or outmoded notion based upon ideas of exclusivity, marginalization, disapproval or discrimination against homosexuals," Potter said.
Wilkinson and Kitzinger were told by Potter they have the right to challenge the ruling at Britain's Court of Appeal.

But Kitzinger said their life's savings have been exhausted by the court's decision that they must pay the government's $46,590 in legal costs.

"We are hopeful we will be able to appeal but need help to fund the cost, which will likely be the same amount again," Kitzinger told the Associated Press.

"Though we're disappointed, we are sure there will be a day -- within our lifetimes -- when there will be equality for same-sex marriage," she said. "This judgment will not stand the test of time."

The Netherlands, Canada, Belgium and Spain have legalized same-sex marriage, while several other European countries have laws similar to Britain's, in which same-sex couples have the right to form legally binding civil partnerships, entitling them to most of the same tax and pension rights as married couples.

In the United States, only Massachusetts allows same-sex marriage, while Vermont and Connecticut permit civil unions.

Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

A Little time waster...

2006-07-29T13:05:00.000+10:00

1. FIRST NAME? Diane
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not that I'm aware of
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? A full on cry, when my grandfather passed away in May. A "welling up of the eyes" last week.
4. YOUR HANDWRITING? Block letters, but usually scribble when I'm not trying.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Hungarian Salami
6. KIDS? 2 words, No way!
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS
WITH YOU? I've been pretty reserved since moving to Australia. I've made a few friends, but they're only work friends. I think I live too far away from people, so I don't know if I'd want to take the effort to meet me places, outside of work ::smirks::
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Online yes..3 different spots, but the same journal.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Depends on the context.
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Nah, not my thing
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Uhhh, I love Cracklin' Oat Bran. They don't have that here. In truth, they have sh*tty cereal.
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Always untie
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yeh, both physically and mentally. And that's not to sound conceited.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Cookie dough
16. SHOE SIZE? boys size 4
17. RED OR PINK? Red, pink is too fluffy for me.
18. WHAT IS YOU FAVORITE NUMBER? 19
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My family, my cat
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? honesty don't care
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Gap blue jeans, and my mockies on my feet. Great for the winter.
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? Frosted Flakes.
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Nothing. The house is quiet. My partner has a migrane, so she's in the bath.
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Forrest green
25. FAVORITE SMELL? The way my first love smelled. Can never get it out of my mind.
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE
PHONE? Who knows. I talk to tons of people on the phone each day. It's part of my job (and no it's not telemarketing..lol)
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Teeth (if they're smiling with them.)
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yeh, we used to be close, not so much now. Kind of a "hi how ya going" sort of thing. But that's okay, people change.
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Mt Dew or lipton Iced tea
30. FAVORITE SPORT? Tennis to watch, basketball to play.
31. HAIR COLOR? dark brown with blonde highlights
32. EYE COLOR? almond brown
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No, I used to.
34. FAVORITE FOOD? Kim chee
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy endings...not a fan of scary movies, well gore is not my forte.
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Prime, with Uma Thurman.
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? white long sleeved Tommy Hifiger shirt.
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter here in Aus. Summers are too muggy.
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses..well, when it comes to the partner. Hugs for friends.
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Don't have one, though I'm a huge fan of chocolate ripple cake.
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Do I care?
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? same as above
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? True crime novel "Deadly Seduction"
44. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Tweety and Sylvester (my partners)
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Nothing, went out.
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? rainforrest cds.
47. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Neither, though I don't mind some songs of each.
48. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Here, Melb Australia.
49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Nope.
50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? 24 Oct 1978, and born in S. Korea.

Couple on train

2006-07-23T11:00:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I worked. There is a heap of stuff our team has to do, so they finally offered overtime to transfer some of our files. I was more than happy to oblige, and time and a 1/2, why not?

On my way home, I was sitting behind this Asian couple. The girl facing me, and her boyfriend's (I am to assume) back was to me. There was also a mother, I am thinking, of the boyfriend. The girl started eating these rice paper wraps. The next thing I know, her boyfriend is motioning her to give him a bite. He leans over, and she is feeding him. I about wanted to vomit. Every time he wanted a bit, she'd feed him. It wasn't as though he couldn't use his hands, he just chose not to. This went on for about 10-15 minutes. I didn't want to stare, but I couldn't believe that this guy was making his girlfriend feed him. They could have shared the rice paper wrap, alternating who got to take a bite. But no, the guy was making her feed him when ever he wanted a bite.

I'm thinking to myself "is this really happening?" Does this really still happen these days? Is it an Asian thing?? I was appalled, and am still appalled. It grossed me out, and made me really think that this guy was a pig.

Yasmin's Getting Married

2006-07-20T19:44:00.000+10:00

That's the name of a reality tv show that will be airing here in Australia on August 1st. First it was "Rene's Getting Married." But after Rene ended up finding someone, before the taping of the show was to commence, they ended up finding another contestant, hence how Yasmin came into the picture.

Now, from what I can gather, Yasmin is going to have 9 weeks, to find herself a groom. And then she's going to get married on this tv show. 9 weeks, to find herself a life partner. 9 weeks to find herself a man that she will enter the institution of marriage with. 9 weeks to really find that special someone. And then she'll get married......uhhhh, what???

People who have been together 2 years, 10 years, 20 years, but are in same sex relationships can't get married. But yet, this woman, who will go on national television, to make a fool of herself, and supposedly find herself the man she'll walk down the aisle with and say that sacred vows, she's only got 9 weeks. And they're ALLOWING this to happen???

They allow this to happen, but yet when ever a same sex couple brings up the idea of marriage, or even a civil union, the conservative raise their hands and say "what about the sanctity of marriage??" What about "traditional values???" ::shaking head in disgust:: Okay so the show may be funny, but the concept of it, isn't.

There are genuine couples out there, same sex couples who's relationships last longer than those of male/female couples. But yet they can't get married. And whenever same sex marriage is brought up, people ALWAYS bring in the agenda of "well, if same sex couples can get married, why can't I marry my cat?" WHY do people associate same sex marriage, with beasteality (sp). I obviously know why but I don't understand why.

I'm appalled at how many reality tv shows are heterosexually based, but yet same sex marriage is one of thee most controversial topics of our time. Someone is constantly fighting for it, while others are constantly fighting against it. People are so wrapped up in their own ideas, that they're not open to new ones. But yet they'll allow guys and girls, to kiss and canoodle with 10+ people of the opposite sex, in hopes of finding romance. But in truth, how many of those actually last???? I do stand corrected, because a couple of the relationships have lasted, but yet most of them don't.

Same sex marriage (I say this because bisexuals do get married to their same sex partner) is a heated topic, and it's one that I feel quite strongly about. Not necessarily in the sense that I will be first to sign up for a marriage license if it ever becomes legal. But in the sense that we have just as much right to marry who we want, as any one else. I don't expect everyone to agree with same sex marriage, but I do expect people to respect the fact that everyone is to be treated equal. Isn't that what the whole basis of the constitution is?? But then, when it was written, were they REALLY thinking about gay rights??

Darren Hayes

2006-07-19T20:30:00.000+10:00

Taken from Darren Hayes' website...

Monday, 17 July 2006

I very rarely make comments about my private life.

But today, as I'm about to begin 6 months in the studio to record what I hope to be the best record of my career, I feel an overwhelming gratitude for the past 10 years of being a performer. Most recently, I've been moving toward a career that is more closely aligned with 'art' than it is 'commerce'. And in keeping on this trajectory - I have become increasingly more emotionally authentic in my music, writing and my relationship to my audience. As so many of you have given me your heart and soul over the past 10 years I thought it only fitting that I too return the respect and inform you of the most significant event in my life.

On June 19th 2006 I married my boyfriend of two years, Richard, in a Civil Partnership ceremony in London.

I can honestly say it was the happiest day of my life.

I feel lucky to live in an era where my relationship can be considered legally legitimate and I commend the UK Government for embracing this very basic Civil Liberty.

I'm proud of who I am, and after what felt like an eternity, I'm finally in a place where my heart is secure and content. And I can finally make sense of all of the searching.

I still maintain the belief that families and relationships are not commodities to be sold off for public consumption.

In this regard, I am and will continue to be a public person with a private life.

I have always written songs about human relationships and our journey in life. I've never felt the need to differentiate or speak to a specific part of society. This hasn't changed. I will continue to write songs for everybody and hope that the feelings and thoughts I sing about are universal.

Today, as I get on a plane to return to London, my head will be filled with all the future possibilities that I hope to explore musically.

To the people who buy my records, come to my shows and demonstrate on a daily basis their love and support for me and what I do: thank you.

Your overwhelming message to me lately seems to be that you are just glad that I am happy. For this, I am eternally grateful.

To my Mum, Dad, Sister and Brother - thanks for always being so cool and loving me unconditionally.

With love and respect always
Darren Hayes

I had my suspicions about him. When my partner and I met him in 2002, my partner swore up and down that he was gay. I was thinking "hmmm, MAYBE???" But my partner's gaydar was going off the charts. Last night, when we heard it on the news headline that he married his boyfriend in London, we couldn't stop laughing.

There is a special place in our hearts for Darren. The Savage Garden song "I Knew I Loved You" is our song. We even have matching tattoos with the Korean symbol for "intuition." Kind of weird, that we had this song, even before we were actually together. Or met in person for that matter. But the song, it just fit us. The love we had for each other back then, was a friendship kind of love. Then of course, it developed into something more.

But BIG congrats to Darren and Richard!!!

Babies all around

2006-07-17T21:58:00.000+10:00

Everywhere I turn, someone has had a baby, or will be having a baby. My partner's 2nd cousin had a baby on Thursday, and I found out my cousin is due in February. Ladies at work, they're on maternity leave, or they've come back from maternity leave. I swear, all these babies are around me, and I don't know what to do!!!

I'm not fond of babies myself. I am too afraid to hold them. I feel like they're such little delicate things, and I will drop them. I know I wouldn't, but they're just so fragile and so innocent. I look at newborns and think to myself "self, how amazing it is, on how this baby came about." When you think about it, conception and the cycle of life, itself is completely amazing.

I don't want to have any kids, but sometimes when I see baby pictures, or mothers with babies, I get that yearning feeling. But then I stop and think "I'm going to have to be taking care of them for 18+ years," and then I'm reversed back into reality. I feel selfish in the fact that I don't want to have kids. My partner would love to have a little bub running around. But we have had long talks about this, and came to the conclusion that this wouldn't be happening. I'm just getting well into my career, and we're just getting truly settled into our relationship. Sure we've been together for almost 7 years, but we've only just really begun to settle in our relaitonship. I am focusing on my career, and I know I want to make money, build a house and see what happens then. I really don't find that I have room in my life for kids.

I often wonder if my feelings will change once my sister has kids. Even though I won't be around to watch my niece of nephew grow up...the idea of my sister having a kid, it may make me re-think about kids. Don't think it'll change my mind about having them. But I think I may think differently about them. But I know for the time being, I can only stand being around kids for so long.

Some people just have the niche for parenting, I unfortunately am not one of them. Good thing I know now ey?? ::smirks::

Stress, does it end?

2006-07-16T22:57:00.000+10:00

Tomorrow I have a day off, I'm quite excited and relieved about it. But at the same time, I'm completely stressing. Last night, and early this morning, when I awoke from my sleep, the first thing I thought about was "what do I have to do at work?" You know when people send out surveys in emails and the question asks "what is the first thing that comes to mind when you wake up?" Well, that is what mine is..."what do I have to do at work?" I woke up this morning, or close to this afternoon, and I was severely tired. Tired because I was stressed.

It's almost 11pm right now, and I can't sleep. I've got work constantly on my mind, and I don't know how to shut it off. A colleague of mine, on Friday, told me to enjoy my 3 day weekend and not even think about work. I laughed and stated that I would attempt this, but I highly doubted that it would be possible.

I'm the sort of person that stressed out over EVERYTHING. For those who know me, they know this quite well. But when people tell me that I just need to "relax" and go with the flow of things, I can't help but NOT do it. My colleagues, they all tell me that I have to learn to leave work at work. But I feel quite pressured at work, and the stressors, they just intensify as each day goes by.

My job, I'm handling people's finances, I'm taking care of their bills and making sure they have enough. But my decision making may not be the best decision according to my client. But if I have "backup" for why I made a certain decision, then it's justified. But I know I can't make everyone happy, and I have had a few clients yell at me, and complain about me. But I don't feel confident in my decision making. But with this line of work, it's something that will come with time.

I think a part of me is secretly stressing, because the "buddy" that I've been paired up with, she's been absolutely fantastic with me. If I have a question or a concern, she's there to explain it to me, and help me work out the process. But I know in about 4-5 weeks time, she'll be moving to the other building and I won't have that kind of support here at the building I'm at. I've voiced my views about my support, and it's acknowledged, but I'm not sure it's actually going to be available. I understand that other people have their own work load to do. But at the same time, I've been kind of thrown into the deep end, and it's acknowledged this happened. But yet they instill a lot of confidence in me. And I feel like if don't say anything, they'll think I'm handling the situation. But clearly, I'm not.

As I've stated before, there are a lot of changes going on with the restructure of our division, and I'm just wondering if I'm cut out for this job. But it's not like I can just quit and go out and find another job. This job took a bloody long time to find, and that was even with a referral from a friend. She stated that she wouldn't have referred me, if she didn't think I was cut out for the job. And in some aspects I know I'm okay, but in other aspects, I know I have so much to learn. But whether one has been at the job for 5 months or 30 years, there is always something new going on.

I worry about how others think of me and my performance. I worry about the potential and high expectations I put on myself. And even though I know I can only do so much in one day...is it really enough? Is the way I feel, the stress I feel, the fact that every night, before I go to bed, I have knots in my stomach, is that healthy? I know it's not, but what can I do? I've tried talking to my mum about this, and she knows how I stress. And she tries to have me settle down a knotch, but I can't. I keep worrying about how this job affects me, and how it affects how others see me.

I don't think I'd stress out as much if we didn't have the 65 day transfer date, or the other time frames. I know that is what brings structure to a company, but frankly, it's pointless. I know that the company is trying to revamp the CSO standards, and I think it's a good idea. The idea of transferring a file to an ongoing consultant in 65 days, what's the point of that? And truthfully, what will be the point, when eventually, we will be doing our own transfers, to ourselves???

I will attempt to breathe, and to relax. But with the knots in my stomach at the moment, I don't see it as being a possibility

A Day off

2006-07-15T12:14:00.000+10:00

I get a day off, I get a day off ::jumping up and down with joy::. Okay, so my last public holiday WAS in June, but I've been too afraid to take a day off of work. Because of the amount of work that my job entails, and the lack of actual time in the day, it seems impossible to take a day off. When you take a day off of work, for yourself or a training, it's like coming back to more chaos.

I remember taking a day off in May I believe, and when I came back, I was about ready to pull my hair out. My job entails a lot of deadlines and a lot of dates which I have to meet. Is that the same thing?? ::smirks:: Nonetheless, I have to make sure that mail is actioned within 10 working day, phone calls are answered within 24 hours, that sort of thing. I'm already a week behind as it is, and when you miss one day, you come back with heaps more. It's really amazing, when you think about it, about how much work one actually does.

I find it difficult, because I have to work longer than the usual 7.36 hours. Because I work longer hours, I acrue "flexi" time. But if I don't use that flexi time within a month, I lose it. So in essence, I'm working overtime and not getting "paid." We don't get paid for overtime, though I am thinking they will be allowing some Saturday work, to have us catch up.

Our division of our corporation is going through some major changes. And we're adding another "team" to our division. Of course two of the new team members, are from my current team. We need to allocate their portfolios to the remaining team members. But yet, we all have our own portfolios. May was the highest number of orders we were given in the history of our corporation, and I think we're still paying for it.

But yes, I'm quite happy I get a day off on Monday. But am NOT looking forward to going back and seeing all the paperwork I have to catch up on. I have to realize, with this job, there is just NO WAY one can be "caught up."

Anyone know Korean??

2006-07-11T20:47:00.000+10:00

Any bloggers out there, that know how to write in Korean? I'm interested in finding someone to write my name "DIANE" in Korean characters. I'm in the process of getting a new tattoo and want it to go horizontal, if possible.

My partner asked me if she could get it, would I want my name in Japanese. I laughed at her and said "why would I want my name in Japanese, if I'm Korean?" She shrugged her shoulders. But really, where is the logic?

I tried to do a Korean character search online, and it was all too confusing for me. I'd like to get my name written in Korean characters, but don't even know if it's possible. I'd think it would be. As I said, I tried to do some research online, but it got way too complex for me. Unfortunately I don't have any Korean friends, or friends that know how to write in Korean.
So if there are any bloggers out there who may be able to help me, I'd most appreciate it.

The logic of this article...

2006-07-01T14:44:00.000+10:00

I don't understand the logic behind pardoning a child sex offender who was found guilty of murdering and raping a young girl in Thailand. Along with the Queensland Premier, I too am quite disappointed, more so pretty peeved off, that a child sex offender has been given a "royal pardon." It really makes you wonder why someone decides to pardon someone for one reason, but not for another. People are in prison for drug offences (not that I believe in drug mules) will spend more time in prison for having drugs found on them, than someone who actually murders and sexually assaults someone. ::shaking head in disbelief:: I'm a strong advocate for victim's rights, and it's just so not okay when you read stories like below. ::pointing finger down::

There was an interview with the gentleman (if you'd even call him that) and he looked like he hadn't shaved or had a haircut in the whole time he was in prison. He looked like the type of guy that when you saw him walking down the street, you'd make sure you steered clear away from him. You know that "gut" feeling, well, it would be going off the scales. Some may say "he served his time" but I don't think he served his time long enough. And to be pardoned....what good is that doing for the family that lost their daughter???

Beattie condemns Thai pardon for Qld paedophile -Thanks to yahoo.com.au

The Queensland Premier says he is disappointed at a royal pardon given to Brisbane man, Bradley Pendragon, who was convicted of child-sex crimes in Thailand.

The 46-year-old is set to be deported, having served 10 years of a 15-year prison sentence.
Peter Beattie says Pendragon should be placed on the national child offender register and watched closely by police.

"I frankly think he should have spent more time in jail," he said.

"Because I think there's nothing more horrendous than offences against children.

"One of the reasons we've brought in tough penalties in this state in relation to paedophiles is that, after examination, we actually believe that many paedophiles simply can't be cured."

Mr Beattie says Pendragon will be closely monitored if he returns to his home state.

"Our understanding at the moment is we don't know if he's coming here," he said.

"But if he is, we would want him monitored and we would want him to be on the national register because we don't want (him)to re-offend, and I make no apology for that."

The Reason

2006-06-28T21:53:00.000+10:00

Trying to find the perfect song that says "I'm sorry" for all the pain and hurt I've caused people in my life thus far, it's a difficult task. After much thought, I came up with this song. Though I know I'm not perfect, nothing can excuse the way I've treated people in my past. I was always told that it would come back and haunt me. And I think it does, every winter. No one has said anything or done anything to have me re-evaluate my actions or past happenings, but I just wish I was able to get over some of the things I've done. Whether the fact that I can't, means I have a guilty conscience, well, I know I do. I definitely don't dispute that. But whether I can get past my own guilt, and move forward, that is a constant struggle for me.

I was talking to some colleagues of mine today, and got to talking about my stress level. Right now isn't a good time, winter is here, it's cold, it's dark early, and even though I don't get severely depressed, I do feel down. I'm always the hardest on myself the worst, during winter. It never fails, winter comes around, and I am always pondering on every horrible thing I've done, and often wonder why I did or said the things I did. But every year, I can't justify my actions. But I get over it, until the next winter.

I often wonder if I'll ever get full closure. I don't know if it's possible, as there are lot of regrets in my life. But I know that as soon as the sun starts to come out, the weather starts to warm up, I feel better about myself, and I come to the realization that things happen for a reason, and what ever those reasons are, I have to live with it. I can't take back the pain I've caused, but I have to keep telling myself that I should be happy now in my life. And I am happy, but there's definitely something missing. What that is, I don't know, and I don't know if I'll ever know.

The Reason is a song that gets me crying every single time I hear it. It's a song I play, or used to play when I was alone and needed a good cry. It's a song that explains how sorry I am...but that "you" are the reason for my change. "You" are the reason why I've had to look deep within myself and change. Whether it's for the better, that's a matter of opinion. Whether "You" ever hear my deepest apologies, and take them to heart, that is unknown. But if I can subconsciously say "I'm sorry" then I know that's all I can do.

It's not a matter of me wanting to make myself feel better, because I could never do that. But it's all about closure. Some people aren't able to move on completely unless there is closure, I happen to be one of those people. Doesn't mean I spend every waking moment pondering upon whether I'll get closure, but it does mean that I'll always have something to think about.

The Reason By Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You
And the reason is You
And the reason is You
And the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found out a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Do you ever wonder...

2006-06-26T19:48:00.000+10:00

What might have been?

I know it's not a good idea to wonder what if, or what could have happened. I personally don't find it emotionally healthy for myself, but at the same time, it's something that I seem to do every winter. I believe I suffer from SAD, but not to an extreme degree. And maybe the combination of that, and it just being horrible outside...I can't help but wonder a lot of things.

I don't have much, if any contact with any of my ex's. Part of that is by choice, part of that isn't. In one aspect, I sometimes think it's wise to just keep the past as that. But in retrospect, I can't help but wonder how someone is doing. Just because we may have realized we were not meant for each other, that doesn't mean I don't want to see them happy. I've tried to stay in touch with ex's, but it's a two way street. Other times, I've tried to make contact, and they wanted nothing to do with me. Fair enough, I deserve what I am dished out to me.

Am I selfish to want to have that friendship back? Am I selfish to want it back, after the way I treated someone? I'm not proud of my past, and I can't take it back. Some people are able to forgive and forget, others, are not so lucky. The more I think about it, the more I just want to find out how happy someone ELSE has made them. I obviously couldn't, for one reason or another, but someone else has been fortunate enough to make them happy.

Even though many may say my previous relationships didn't exist, for the simple fact that we had never met in person, a part of me still wishes we had met. There was an emotional connection, and that's something that will always stay with me. I've learned a lot from my past, and I don't expect anyone to understand why I did the things I did. But I often can't help but wonder if there will ever come a time, where I'll be able to have a decent conversation with people from my past. I can understand why someone wouldn't want to. After being hurt as much as they may have, talking may just bring up so much buried anger.

I'm not perfect, in fact I have never presumed to think I ever was...I've been hurt in my past, but it's only made me who I am today. I think of how I hurt people, and how I didn't think anything of it. But I think of the ramifications that ended up happening, because of the way I dd things or didn't do something. I think about my life, and wonder if I would have been happy had I stayed with someone, or even sussed up enough courage to let them know how I truly felt.

I find it strange, that every winter I feel this way. I feel sad, and remorseful, and I feel like a complete arse. I want to make amends, and I've tried. But one can only make ammends to someone who will reciprocate some sort of response. But I don't expect anyone to give me the benefit of the doubt. Over and over, in my head, I practice conversations of how I'd talk to someone, when trying to apologize. I practice over and over, of what I'd say to someone who I truly loved, and probably still love to a certain degree.

Even though I am with someone who makes me happy (most of the time ::winking::) I still can't help but think about my past, think about the people who have made a HUGE impact in my life, and just wonder "if only I had said this" or "if only I didn't do this..." would I be in a different place now? I know there isn't any point in delving up the past, but sometimes delving up the past by myself, makes me realize just how hurtful and how hurt I was. And it makes me stronger. But it also makes me really sad, to the point where I cry and can't stop.

I wish for a lot of things...but I know that it won't happen. But I guess I've dug my own grave, and now I have to lie in it. But that still doesn't make everything all warm and fuzzy. Even if I'll never be able to say the things I want, to the few people who still mean something to me...saying it to myself, makes me feel better. I can only hope that when I'm long gone, the people who've made the most impact in my life, will know just how much they meant to me. Even if they never hear it from me personally, I just hope they realize just how much they meant to me.

And with that, I will close.

Woman on the train

2006-06-25T17:21:00.000+10:00

This woman that I've seen a number of times at the train station, she's very attractive, and I don't hide the attraction from my partner. I've talked about her a few times in my blog, only for the sake that I've had fantasies about her.

This woman, I don't know her name, in truth, we've never talked. We've only seen each other from time to time. But I actually haven't seen her for quite some time. I think because I take the earlier train that what I was before, I don't see her. I know what kind of car she drives (I've seen her drive off in it, and know her license plate), and no that doesn't mean I'm stalking...I just am quite observant. But I haven't seen her for about a month I would say, and so she's kind of slipped from my mind.

But that all came back to me yesterday. My partner and I were at the shopping centre, right near the train station I go to. We're walking around, trying to dodge all the other people. I look up, and guess who's there. Yep, she was. It scared the crap out of me, and I got butterflies in my stomach. I don't know if she actually saw me, or recognized me, and I think by the time I realized who it was, she was already walking away. I find it quite ironic, that I have never seen her face on front of me, it's always been the profile view. By the time I collected myself, she'd gone. But I was paranoid the whole rest of the time I was there, wondering if we'd run into each other. I felt silly, because I was all looking at what I was wearing and thinking to myself "damn, why didn't I dress up??" Not that I would have dressed up, but I wish I had looked a little better than I did.

Later, I told my partner that I'd seen her and she just laughed at me. But now that I've seen her, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I had a dream about her last night, and I have been thinking about her constantly all day today. This woman, she's completely out of my reach (even if I were single) and she smokes. But I have this mini crush on her, and every time I think about her I get all woozy.

As much as I love my partner, and am committed to her, I can't help but think naughty thoughts about this other woman. My partner knows this, and doesn't say anything about it. She understands my need to feel sexual (being we don't have sex hardly ever) and can understand where I'm coming from. She has never said she feels threatened that I'd cheat on her, but she understands my needs to "dream." I too, have the same idea...though my partner doesn't dream about other people, from what she's told me.

But this woman....I can't help but feel something exciting for her, even though I know nothing would ever happen. I guess having this mini crush (though it's been going on for oh...5 months now, it makes me feel human ::smirks::

Hunger Strike

2006-06-23T21:48:00.000+10:00

The past couple of days, I've noticed a person who has been standing out at Parliment House in the city, participating in a hunger strike. I haven't actually seen the person who was doing the hunger strike, because they had a blanket completely covering who they were. I'm imagining it's a woman, for the purpose of the hunger strike. So in this blog, I will be referring my subject as female.

She had a paper sign with texter saying "I'm on a Hunger Strike for the Australian People" and it stated how many hours she'd been doing this. Then next to her, a sign stated "DHS are abusing my children" and then mentioned something else. I couldn't quite get a clear picture as to what the hunger strike was all about. But it was my impression that this woman believed that DHS had taken her children away from her, and now she was trying to get back at DHS. I highly doubt that DHS would be abusing her children, but then again, some of the foster care homes around, are pretty dodgy.

I walked by Parliment House this morning, and there was no one here. So either she "caved" in, or someone forced her to leave the premises. I wondered if she actually stayed there all day and night. As the nights have been pretty darn cold, I don't think she would have survived staying outside, without food, and then trying to survive in the freezing weather.

But this hunger strike, as well as the one Saddam Hussein is doing, along with the 7 others on trial...it got me thinking a lot. What good does a hunger strike really do? What sort of point is it bringing across to other people? I know these two people are not the only cases which this happens. You hear stories in the news about people in jail or detention centres, who are going on hunger strikes. I mean, isn't it their conscious choice to NOT eat. If people don't want to eat, why force them? People can provide food to people, but it's someone's own conscious decision to NOT eat. If they want to prove themselves, or not eat in order to prove a point, well, what point is it really proving?

Personally for me, I couldn't go on a hunger strike. I've tried to fast, and it just doesn't work well with me. I'm the sort of person that has to eat like 5 times a day. I don't eat a lot, but I eat constantly. I guess some people just have stronger convictions than I do.

After seeing the woman gone from Parliment House stairs, I got to thinking "what exactly would have to happen, in order for me to participate in a hunger strike. I couldn't think of anything. Sure I have strong beliefs and convictions, but I guess when it comes to food, there's no bargaining there. And maybe I don't have the power or the passion to take a conviction or opinion as far as going on a hunger strike.

Upchuck on Train

2006-06-19T20:05:00.000+10:00

This is the second time someone has thrown up on my train (before it comes to my stop) and the stench has practically made me want to upchuck myself. Ironic thing is, is that my train stop, is the first stop....so if someone is ill, and throws up, you'd think that they would take a little extra time, to ensure that all of the "aftermath" was gone. Sure, it would still probably really stink, but at least the "stuff" would be gone.

When we walked on the train, as we all rush to get a seat, we all quickly realized there was a horrible stench. Looking to our left, we noticed some upchuck. And it seriously looked like someone TRIED to clean it up, but it was a rushed cleanup.

I seriously don't know why someone didn't properly clean it. The train was there "waiting" for quite some time, a good 5 minutes. I think it could have been properly cleaned up in 10 minutes. But noooo, it had to stay there. And the upchuck circumference took a good portion of the back part of the car. That's a lot of space, when you have space issues as it is.

I had to sit in the middle of the car. I could have moved even farther away, but I thought I could handle it. I don't know how others handled the stench..it was really OFF.

Australian Senate upholds civil-union ban

2006-06-16T19:53:00.000+10:00

Grrr....just last month (I think) I wrote about how the ACT's civil union act was a step forward for gay and lesbian individuals. Seems like we've taken a step back. Doesn't surprise me. SURE, the govt is concerned about whales, but yet he doesn't believe in equality for all people ::shaking head:: GO FIGURE.

SUMMARY: A 32-30 Senate vote cements Australia's defeat of the capital territory's efforts to let same-sex couples wed; territorial officials vow to try again.

By a 32-30 vote in the Senate, Australia's federal government succeeded Thursday in upholding its ban on the capital territory's legislation enabling civil unions between same-sex couples.
Despite three hours of parliamentary debate spanning legislative and emotionally charged arguments, senators voted to reject a motion to overturn a regulation signed Wednesday by Governor-General Michael Jeffery at the urging of Attorney General Philip Ruddock.
The Senate result ensured the federal government's ability to exert its constitutional power to overturn the Australian Capital Territory civil unions legislation, The Age newspaper reported.
Territorial Attorney General Simon Corbell labeled the Senate decision "homophobic," adding that he was disappointed but not surprised.
Corbell said the territory, which includes the nation's capital, Canberra, will now look to create a new act with the full intention of the original law giving same-sex couples the same rights as heterosexual couples have under the Marriage Act.
"It's still our intention to give the same level of recognition provided for in the Civil Unions Act," he said.

Big Trucks

2006-06-15T17:56:00.000+10:00

One thing I've noticed here in Australia (or maybe it's just me) is that big trucks, don't give a sh*t. They drive like morons, and they seem to be really inconsiderate of other drivers. I know in the states, while on the freeway, you'd get a real jerk who'd tailgate you in the 65 mph zone. But for the most part, they seemed courteous.

I know on backroads, not only big trucks, but buses...if there were a huge line of cars behind them, they'd pull over to the side, so that all the cars would be able to pass by. The same went with big farm machinery.

But not here, it doesn't seem like people know what it means to be conscious of who is behind them. Granted, there are not a lot of big trucks, or buses, but because I drive the backroads to the train station, I get a lot of the big trucks and buses.

Tonight on my way home, there was this big truck (not quite a semi, but big enough). The speed was 90 kms, and we were going under 80 kms. There were 20+ cars behind him (me included), and the guy didn't think to pull over, so that we'd all be able to pass. Okay, if you're going just under the speed limit, yeh that's okay. But going 10 kms under, and having 20+ cars behind you.....talk about obnoxious. And it wasn't as if there wasn't a spot that the truck could have pulled off to, because there was.

::shaking head in annoyance:: I wish truck drivers were more aware of their surroundings, especially when it comes to 20+ cars behind them.

I've Been Tagged

2006-06-14T20:57:00.000+10:00

Thanks to Nakiki, I've been tagged...so here we go.

I've been tagged!! I'm pulling the gloves off.
Tagged:

Name six behaviors that bother you in others:
Rudeness
Ignorance
Promiscuity
Obnoxiousness (is that a word..lol)
Bad hygiene (I know it's not a behaviour, but still, it BOTHERS me)
Egotism (ppl who are egotistical)

Name six places you dream of visiting on vacation:
Canada
Some tropical beach
Great Barrier Reef
England
Africa
Queensland Australia

Name six favorite past times:
1) Camping
2) Cartoons on Saturday morning
3) Waking up on Xmas morning, waiting to find out what Santa brought me
4) Lying on our dock, at my parents house in the summer, listening to the frogs croak, not having a care in the world.
5) Staying up all hours of the night, reading underneath my sheets with a dim flashlight. (any wonder why I wear glasses)
6) Going shopping with my mum and sister.

Name six things you would like to accomplish in the next year:
1) Help my partner pay off her house
2) Buy a new car (Mazda 3)
3) Visit my family back in the states
4) Get new personal number plates for my vehicle
5) Get another tattoo
6) Buy another kitty.

Name six things people would be surprised to know about you:
1) I have white parents
2) I have 3 tattoos, and counting ::smirks::
3) I'm a closeted soap opera fan
4) I have never had a cavity ::knocking on wood::
5) I hate driving
6) I'm obsessed with rainbows (it's a gay thing)

Name six songs that identify your personality:
1) Paranoid-by Garbage
2) Misfit-by Amy Studt
3) Faded-By Kate DeAruago
4) Dumb Girls-By Lucy Woodward
5) She's Not Just a Pretty Face-By Shania Twain (no, I'm not being conceited here..lol)
6) I Will Survive-Gloria Gaynor (is that how you spell it??

Six people that I am tagging……
Don't know...in truth, no one. LOL

Finally Able to Blog

2006-06-12T12:50:00.000+10:00

I'm finally able to sit down and blog. I tried to do it earlier this week, but the ol' website was having maintenance issues. ::shaking head:: Just when I felt ready to blog about something, I get the "down time" message.
Last week, my partner and I went to the airport to take her mother and partner. They were going up to Queensland, and we thought we'd tag along. It was the first time, I'd gone to the airport, and actually not having to leave. It was a weird sensation. The last time we went to the airport, we were leaving together, to go to New Zealand. That was July of last year.
But it was nice to actually just go to the airport without having to worry about checking in, or whether someone was going to question why I was in Australia. Aside from that, it was also nice not to have the emotional aspect of going to the airport. All the previous times, I was the one leaving, and there were many tears of sadness. Not fond memories by any means.
There is a show on TV called Hello, Goodbye. And it pretty much is a show that tapes people saying hello and goodbye at Sydney International Airport. There have been a few times where I've seen an episode, and cried. Cried because it brought back those memories of when my partner and I had to say goodbye. Such hard times, and you can't help but feel sad. I guess it's a part of life though eh??

Thank you to All

2006-06-06T18:41:00.000+10:00

Thank you to everyone who gave me well wishes upon my grandfather passing away. it's been a rough time, and the combination of that, and work, life has been a bit hectic. I know there isn't much I can do, in regards to my grandfather. In truth, I wasn't close to him. But even so, the fact that he's no longer here, that makes the reality of it difficult.

I thought I would be okay with my grandfather's passing. And for the most part I am. But last Monday, when I came back to work, I had a, pardon my french "sh*t" of a day. I had some guy use and abuse me over the phone, and after I got off the phone with him, I just broke down in tears. I think, any other day, he could have abused me, and it wouldn't have affected me. But I was just on sensitive that day, and his comments did no justice to the cause.

Things are getting better, though I feel like I'm starting to get the winter blues. I'm feeling down and depressed, and when I think long and hard about it, I just know it's because it's dark when I leave for work, dark when I get home...and it's just miserably cold outside. It's not as cold as it is at home in the States, but it still IS cold.

My partner and I had a birthday party for her this past weekend, and it really got my mind off of my grandfather. We had a great time, and I know she's glad that she had it. I guess turning the big 40 is a bit depressing for my partner. But she's taking it well. As she says "you're only as old as you feel."

But again, thank you to everyone who sent me comments and messages. It was nice knowing that others have been in this situation and/or are thinking about me. Very much appreciated. I hope to get back to blogging and people's private messages. So never fear, for I am back ::winking::

Grandpa passed away

2006-05-29T18:51:00.000+10:00

My grandpa who turned 94 May 16th passed away yesterday. I knew that he was not doing well, and that he only had about a week left. I called my mum (my Saturday) and she stated Hospice thought Monday would be my grandfather's last day. He ended up passing away around 4:30pm Saturday evening, Pacific Standard Time. My mum was with him, and she kept holding his hand and letting him know that it was "okay" for him to go.

I know grandpa is at a better place now, but that doesn't take away from him not being there. It's hard to believe he's gone. Gone means no more, the reality of it hasn't quite hit. It's final, and there's nothing that can be done to bring him back. My grandpa lived a great life, and he's an amazing person. I just wish I had the chance to say goodbye.

I got an email from my sister last night, and ended up ringing my mum. I know that it was 4:30 in the morning, but I gathered mum wouldn't have gotten much sleep. She's going through a rough time right now, and I feel so bad that I can't be there. The longer we talked on the phone, the more mum became sad. By the end of the conversation, I could hardly understand her she was crying so hard.

Right now I'm pretty sad. I had a shit of a day at work, and I just feel like crap. So please, if you've sent me emails and messages, don't think I've forgotten about you. I'll definitely try to get to your emails and messages in the next few days.

Da Vinci Code

2006-05-28T15:25:00.000+10:00

If you haven't seen The Da Vinci Code, I sooo recommend it. I went and saw it last night with my partner, and sister in laws. Everyone but my partner thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I think maybe because my partner hadn't read the book, she was a bit lost, and actually fell asleep for a short period of time.

I read the book about 3 years ago, and I had forgotten a lot of stuff. But even so, I found the movie really enjoyable. I personally thought it was excellent. Even though the book is fiction, the ideas and the thought process that went into the whole plot, was amazing. It's a pretty intense movie. There is a bit of self-inflicting violence, and I think that also took my partner by surprise. Even though the movie was pretty intense at times, Ian McKellen had some pretty good one liners.

I was raised Catholic, and even though I don't practice the religion, I still have my beliefs. And to think the faith as we know it, could very well be a farce, I don't think that'd go down well with the die hard believers. I can definitely understand how the Catholics were in an uproar, but at the same time, there were giving the movie plenty of publicity. But even if you're not Catholic or believe on the supreme being many people believe it...it still made you think and wonder. And I think movies that provide thought provoking ideas, that's when you know it's a good movie. I enjoy movies that, when you leave the theater, it keeps you wondering.

I'd be interested in finding out if others have seen the movie, and if so, what their views and opinions of the movie were.

Phone Calls

2006-05-27T15:27:00.000+10:00

Earlier today, I called my mother. My grampa isn't doing too well, and is only expected to live till Monday. (Isn't it creepy to know what people can give you a ballpark figure of when you'll die?) My mum is pretty distraught, but she seemed like she was handling things well on the phone.
I don't mind calling my parents and family. But I got a bit peeved, when my mum said that she'd "email me" when my grandfather passes away. Now, to me, that's a bit impersonal. But I know that my family won't call me. I've been here in Australia for about 20 months now. And I've been here previously numerous times. All of these times, not once has my family, or ANYONE at that, called me.
Is it really that hard to make an international call? All you do is dial 011+61+my state code+my phone number. I don't find that to be too difficult. You don't have to have international calls subscribed on your phone line. It's a heck of a lot cheaper buying a calling card and using it. When my partner and I were separated due to distance, we both called each other quite often. And it was a breeze to get through the dialing.
I don't know really how to approach my family on this topic. I've given them my number, I've given them directions on how to dial out, but yet nothing has been done. Is it rude of me to ask them to contact me? I don't think it's much to ask. And I've been quiet about it for ohhh, quite a while. My partner thinks it's quite time that I said something.

When Personality Affects Team Dynamics

2006-05-26T23:04:00.000+10:00

A friend of mine, where I work, is very quiet. I've known her for almost 4 months now. And Gab is a very lovely person. She's very quiet, and usually when she talks to me, I have to strain my ears to hear her. But she's funny, and always makes me laugh. Without fail, when ever I have a conversation, I'll laugh at least once while talking with her.

She started the job back in November, but because of a few issues, she actually finished the training a little later than I did. As part of the training process, you're on the 5th floor for quite some time. Because our office currently is going through some major restructures, there is not enough room for everyone. So Gab has been one of the people who has stayed on the 5th floor, along with the other newbies. Gab has been doing a caseload of 20 clients for the past few months for this particular team. She's been doing her job, and as part of her personality, she tends to keep to herself a lot. But she still manages to do everything she's supposed to.

I recently found out (by her) that she's actually been placed in another team, and one of the other new consultants is taking her place in the team she was in. But Gab isn't doing what a normal consultant would be doing. Instead, she's doing assistant work. Don't get me wrong, assistants do A LOT of stuff, but Gab didn't get hired to be an assistant. But the reason why she's been placed in another team, is because there was "talk" from other team members, that maybe there was a difference in "personalities" which would not be a good fit for the team as a whole.

When Gab found this out by our training officer, she broke down and cried. And she's very upset. I understand her being upset, and I know I would be too. If I was a part of a team, for a period of time, and was told that because I wasn't as "vocal" as the other team members, that I was going to be yanked out of that team and put into another one, I'd be somewhat offended. Offended that no one had talked to me prior to making this decision.

Since Gab has found this out, about her moving to another team, she's been ill quite a few days. And I've heard from another colleague who is also a friend, that she's been looking at the newspaper for other jobs. I couldn't help but shake my head, when I heard this. Only because Gab is a wonderful person, and she knows what she's doing. I feel bad for her, that this has happened to her.

All of this brings me to the question of...was it right for Gab to be moved into another team, and doing another role than what she was hired for, all because she's more quiet than others? I understand that different personalities can cause a lot of tension between people. But why are people so quick to make changes, without giving the current chance a go? I say this because Gab hasn't been down with the team she was assigned to and helping out with. There wern't enough desks to fit her. That is because I had to move to the building from a different building. I was given a caseload, thrown in the deep end...and I needed as much support as I could get. But there was some desk hopping, and I managed to find a permanent place. But that meant Gab couldn't actually sit with her team. But Gab was fine with that. But when she was ready to move down stairs, that's when she was told she was going to a different team.

I know not everyone can get along with each other, and it isn't expected. But I guess I just wish management would have given her a chance to "prove herself" before yanking her out of the game. I just hope this move doesn't cost me losing a great friend. But then again, it's the company's loss. But for me, it's a even bigger loss. So crossing my fingers, that Gab decides to stick it out and see how things go.

Winter is approaching

2006-05-25T17:44:00.000+10:00

I can tell that Winter is soon approaching. I went out to my car this morning and there was a layer of ice on the front windshield and the rear window. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have an ice scraper. So I quickly put on the defroster, and with my gloves on, I scraped away enough "space" for me to see. But I though to myself "self, it's Winter." For a brief moment, I felt like I was back home on Oregon.

Why do we avoid helping??

2006-05-23T18:39:00.000+10:00

Man arrested over Zhang murderBy 7News (thanks to http://au.news.yahoo.com/060522/23/z2hb.html )

Police have arrested a 24-year-old man following the discovery of missing Melbourne woman Juan Zhang's body.
Caulfield North man, Yiwen Pan, is expected to appear in Melbourne Magistrates court today charged with Ms Zhang's murder.
The 35 year-old's body was found in the boot of her own car, which had been missing since her disappearance, in the city's south east early this morning.
Ms Zhang was last seen leaving her workplace with a large sum of money in West Melbourne five days ago.
Eight witnesses heard a woman's screams at the time of her disappearance, but none called police.
On Sunday, Homicide Squad Detective Senior Sergeant Ron Iddles said a pool of blood, human hair and spectacles found at the scene the day after Mz Zhang's disappearance suggested she was probably dead.

Why do we avoid helping people? This story has me baffled on so many levels. But it was stated that 8 people heard these woman's screams, and heard her arguing with someone for 4 minutes..but yet no one called police. Why is that? Are people afraid of getting involved? Are people thinking "someone else must have rang by now, so I don't need to?" So what if someone already has, the police can state "we've already got a call on this case." What harm can be done, if more than one person were to call the police?

I understand that people don't want to get involved because it isn't their business. And in this day and age, you don't want to be somewhere at the wrong time. Your own safety is important, but at the same time...you risking just a little bit of your time, could save someone's life.

This story ended in tragedy, when in fact, something could have been done. People shouldn't be feeling guilty over not calling, but I know for me, it makes me think of whether I'd help. I think had I heard screams and arguing, I would have been a bit freaked out. But I probably would have gone to a nearby store or business, and reported to them what was going on, in hopes that someone would call the police. I don't think I would have wanted to be the one reporting to the police. But at 6:00, what businesses are open?

Watching the murdered woman's finance plead on tv, was as heartwretching as can be. I can NOT imagine what he must be going through right now. But it's believed that this woman died the day she disappeared, so she had no chance. But situations like this, really make you wonder just how far you'd go to help someone, or how far you'd go to avoid a situation.

7 Year Slump

2006-05-22T19:15:00.000+10:00

I am SOOOO F*CKING spewing right now!!! I had written this long post, and I accidently typed hit "ctrl + V" instead of "ctrl + C" and lost my whole post. ::shaking head:: And there is no way to "undue" when it comes to using internet explorer. I could bang my head on the computer monitor.

Baaack to my pst. My partner and I were talking this weekend, as we usually do. But I brought up the topic of a 7 year slump up with her. I asked her if she thought we'd go through one, or whether we're in one now. She thinks we're sort of in one now, and laughed, and said "hopefully at 7 years, we'll be okay." Not that we're NOT okay now. But we both know we've been in a slump for about 5-6 months.

My partner and I have been together for almost 6.5 years. But the first 4.5 years of our relationship, we were living thousands of miles away, and were only able to see each other every 6-7 months. Sometimes we'd get to see each other 4 months apart, other times, we'd not see each other for 8 months. There were some trying times, and many moments where we didn't know what the future held for us. But we stuck it out, and were able to get through it.

Even when we were finally able to be "together" we still have issues. We were able to be together, but had to overcome the immigration hurdle. So if it wasn't one thing, it was another thing. It seemed like when we overcame one obstacle, something else would come in our path and set us back again.

Just recently, probably about 3 weeks ago, our life finally turned "normal." We're both working full time, on the same shift...and we're able to actually see each other for more than 5 minutes. It's been great, but at the same time, things haven't changed. Not to get too personal, but we haven't been intimate for the past 3 months, almost 4 months. That's HORRIBLE...in my opinion at least. To my partner, she could care less. She "drive" is pretty much non existent. Maybe it's because she's got self esteem issues, maybe it's because she's turning 40. But man, SOMETHING has gotta change. I've tried and tried to talk to her, but nothing is ever done. And I try to be considerate to her feelings, but yet she does nothing about it. She's too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it.

Which brings me to a question...could you stay with someone who didn't want to be intimate? And who made no desire to change? I struggle every day with this thought..only for the simple fact, that I'm a human, I need to feel desired and cherished. I need to feel intimacy, whether it's a hug or a kiss, or something else. But I don't get any of that, not even when we're saying goodbye in the morning.

People may think that this slump should be ringing warning bells..that maybe my partner is cheating on me. But she's got NO sexual desires...NONE. I know that there aren't any desires for me, or anyone else. So that's not what worries me. What worries me, is that this is going to keep on going, and I'm going to shrivel up to a raisin ::laughing lightly:: No seriously, I'm 27, I'm yet to hit my prime...so why do I feel like I'm hitting menoapause??

For other long term relationship couples..have you found you and your partner in a slump? If so, how did you manage, did you two survive? I wouldn't break up with my partner over the lack of intimacy...but it really puts a dampen on the relationship. I just wish I had what it took, to get my partner out of this FUNK.

I'm Coming Home

2006-05-21T12:12:00.000+10:00

Yesterday my partner and I booked our flights. Last week, I was able to get 16 days off of work, during the Christmas holiday season. We'll be leaving the 15th of December, and returning home the 4th of January.

We were planning on booking the tickets next weekend, as we've got bills up to the wazoo. But before we went to the Queen Victorian Market, we decided to stop by and see what the prices would be. We already knew it'd be around $3000 each. I tried calling Flight Centre, but the jerk of a guy, Paul (I don't mind saying his name, not that he'd ever read this..lol) said he was with a customer and wanted to know if he could call me back. I said sure, but 2 weeks later, he hasn't called me back.

So we decided to go to another travel agent, one we knew was reliable. We got there about 11:45, and didn't actually start talking to the travel agent till at least 12:30. The couple before us, were having so many issues with their flight. They wanted to go to Singapore, and Dubua, and needed to be in the UK by such and such date, and I was about ready to pull out my hair!!!
But of course, I was a patient little lad ::smirks:: and just held my tongue. We ended up booking our flight and putting $1000 each as a down payment. I think we have to have paid it off within 24 hours, but there is a way to get around it. The travel agent, when we put more money down, will have to cancel the flight, and rebook it. But charges could go up, depending on how much tax the airlines wants to charge us. But for the moment, we have to pay an even $3000 each.
This of course, doesn't include spending money. But the nice thing is, is we'll have free lodging. But transportation is going to be an issue, as my parents finally sold my useless vehicle. But the dollar is doing quite well at the moment for us. So if things kep going like this, we won't have to take as much Australian money for US money.

So yes, folks, I'm coming home. It's been almost 2 years and I'm soooo ready. I can't wait to have a spinach salad with ranch dressing. I can't wait to eat at Bings, and Xtapa Mexican Restraurant. I can't wait to just be on home soil. And of course, if I catch up with some people, that'll be even better too ::snickers:: It's been a bit difficult trying to stay in contact (not pointing any fingers), but people know when I'll be returning. If they want to meet up, the ball is in your side of the fence now...lol.

Growing up in a small town...

2006-05-20T09:27:00.000+10:00

Does it make one more likely to stay in that small town, or does one decide to venture off??

You watch movies, or tv specials about people who grow up on small towns, and will do anything to get out of the life they've known. Nothing wrong with growing up in a small town, I did myself. But I can remember when I was about 15-16, I knew that I NEEDED to leave. I knew that I wasn't going to remain where I lived, because I just couldn't handle it. Maybe it was because I was coming to terms with my sexuality, maybe it was because I never really felt like I fit in. But I knew I wanted to make something of myself, no matter what it took.

Since being reconnected to myspace, it's really opened my eyes to people I knew back in school. And I might like to add, it's been a wonderful experience thus far. A friend of mine, was giving me the updates on people, since I haven't seen or heard from anyone for a number of years. She said that most people who "didn't get away" ended up staying and having babies. That got me to thinking....does growing up in a small town, make someone more likely to stay in that town, and get married and have a family pretty quickly after high school? Or in some cases, while still in high school? Not that having babies and getting married is bad or wrong ::snickers::

Maybe I'm thinking differently because a) I can't biologically have kids, unless I wanted to spend heaps of $$ for a sperm donor, and 2) I can't get married. But if I were straight, would I have still stayed in Oregon? Would I be married by now with any kids? If I can even think in that frame of mind, I'd have to say no to both. Growing up, I never had my dream wedding planned out, and I never dreamt of Prince Charming to swoop me off my feet and ride away into the sunset. Nor did I ever think about wanting to have kids. IF I did, I knew I wanted to adopt.

I think with the way my parents raised me, they knew that I didn't want to stay in my hometown. They knew that there was a whole world out there for me, and they knew that I wanted to explore it as much as I could. Little did they know, that I'd literally explore another part of the world, and end up staying. I find it kind of ironic, with me knowing that I wanted to get as far from my growing up ground as I could..and look where I ended up.

But some of the people I've been reading about, have either stayed close to home, or have moved. But something always brings them back home, for one reason or another. That's different for me, in the sense that even though I want to go home, it'd only be for a holiday. I have no desire what so ever, to come back to Oregon to live. If I were to come back home, I'd want to either live in San Francisco, or Seattle.

But I often ask myself why wouldn't I want to come back home? Am I afraid of what others will think of me? And not only in terms of who I am as a person, but what I have done with myself for the last 10 years? But why should I worry? High school is high school, a part of our lives. But what's happened, has happened, and we can only joke and laugh about how we used to be. But people change, and I've already mentioned this. I may not have changed much physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, I'm a completely different person. Not that, that is anything to be ashamed of. I'm sure there are a lot of people who have changed just as much as me, if not more.

But at the end of the day..I know I'm happy with where I am. But I still boggle myself sometimes, wondering "what would have happened..." But I know I can't think about that. I certainly don't have any regrets, but I often wonder if there would have been things I would have done differently.

High School

2006-05-15T19:37:00.000+10:00

I recently caught up with a friend from high school. She was one of my good friends, a genuine gal, that loved the game of basketball. Since graduation, we've kept in contact on and off, but it's been hard for us to keep in touch. With the move I've made, her having a baby, it's just been difficult. But she recently contacted me on myspace.com.

The topic of our 10 year high school reunion came up, and she asked me if I was thinking about attending. This has been a topic of conversation with my family and my partner. I say this, only because in high school I wasn't out. I got made fun of, for being a book worm, not having sex, and then being a lesbian, because of a friendship I had established with a woman.

I understand that people in high school are just that, people in high school. People change, and I know I certainly have. But back in high school, there were many nights where I felt really uncomfortable. Often I'd feel left out, and out of sync with everyone. I felt different and even though I had a lot of friends, I still never felt completely happy.

When the lesbian baiting started, it really got to me. Sure they were "teasing me" but it was during a period of my life, where I was really questioning my sexuality. And I didn't need outside sources making things more difficult.

I feel like, if I DID come back for my 10 year reunion, I'd have to explain myself. And frankly I don't want to. I know there will be people who won't understand, and I don't expect everyone to. But I can just imagine people snickering, and thinking of gawd knows what, behind my back. I don't want to be the laughing stock of my high school reunion. I can't guarantee I even would be, but since high school, I've realized I don't have time for small minded people. And that's exactly what happened in high school.

I know I should give people the benefit of the doubt. Who knows, people could really care less. But the school I graduated from, it was small, from a small town. I just can't really imagine people embracing me.

Aside from my sexuality, will the reunion be this competition of who's done better? Who grew up to be the most successful? Who changed the most? Have the so called "nerds" (yes I was one) grown up to be these hot items? (NO that wouldn't be me..lol)

As enjoyable and fun as it may be to catch up with people I haven't seen for 10 years, I just don't know if I have the patience to go back. In truth, I sort of have an excuse. The reunion will be in the summer, and since I'm going back home this Christmas, I can't afford to go back home 6-7 months later.

I told my friend that I wanted to see pictures and to hear how it went. But I just don't know if I'm ready to "face the music" as I said to her. But I could totally be jumping to conclusions. She was more than okay with me coming out to her, and a few other guy friends I had in high school, seemed "okay" with it too, when I told them while in college. But these people I've told, were not the people who used to tease me in high school. So I felt more comfortable confiding in them, than I would others.

People may surprise me yet. But for the time being, I don't think I'll go back to my 10 year reunion. That doesn't mean I won't go back at Christmas and maybe catch up with a few people.

One More Step Forward

2006-05-13T11:42:00.000+10:00

One more step forward for gay rights. I heard about ACT wanting to enact this law awhile back, but it was confirmed...passed as of yesterday. I rang my partner and jokingly asked her if she wanted to get "hitched." I know it's not the same as "marriage" but it's a step closer. She's all "oh I didn't hear about it." And I retorted back "no, you wouldn't. You always have your head in the sand when it comes to gay issues."

Read on, thanks to planetout.com

SUMMARY: Gay men and lesbians celebrate the landmark law allowing same-sex couples the right to civil unions in Australia's Capital Territory.
Gay men and lesbians Friday celebrated the landmark law allowing same-sex couples the right to civil unions in the Australian Capital Territory.
The Canberra regional assembly approved the bill in a late-night vote Thursday. While many couples are already planning their "big day," some activists believe the law hasn't gone far enough.
Peter Furness of gay rights group Australian Marriage Equality called the move a way for couples to "celebrate their love and commitment" and "a very significant step forward in our push towards full legal equality under Australian law."
A spokesman for federal government Attorney General Phillip Ruddock, who along with Prime Minister John Howard had vowed to block the law, told the Associated Foreign Press that the government was "happy" with changes made, mainly that federal employees would not be required to officiate at civil-union ceremonies.
John Stanhope, chief minister of the Australian Capital Territory, said the law will still "deliver recognition, without conflicting with or changing the meaning of marriage."
The new law in the Australian Capital Territory, which encompasses the capital city of Canberra, is the first of its kind in Australia.

current mood-HAPPY, that this has passed.

Probation

2006-05-07T11:25:00.000+10:00

My probation is over ::jumping up and down with joy:: OKAY, not THAT type of probation, probation at my place of work. I started February 6th, and on Friday, my training officer had a chat with me, to offer me my permanent job. I was so happy, and I think she knew how happy and relieved I was. I remember in the beginning of my probation, and just through out the past 3 months, I talked a lot about how I really wanted this, what this job meant to me, and how hard I'm trying to prove that I have the potential to do what it takes. I asked her if I could give her a hug, because I was so excited. She said 'of course.' I guess, asking someone to hug them, is something that's still stuck in my head, from my last job. I worked with a lot of youth who had been exploited, and hugging them w/out permission was just not the thing to do.

But I was excited, JB (formely JW) was excited, and I think they were pretty happy with the performance I've done in the past 3 months. I will be honest, the job isn't easy. Every person you talk to, the one commonality is the fact that it's major information overload. That's what everyone experiences during their initial training. I feel lucky, with the fact that I actually had a 3 month training period. About 18 months ago, there wasn't a training like I went through. People were given their desk and then said "here's your caseload..." and they had to try and find their way around. Even now, with how much training I've had, I'm still feeling a little swamped and overwhelmed. But there is a lot of support and a lot of people who know more than me, who are willing to help.

Now I can finally start planning my holiday back to the States. I have already stated that I wanted 2 weeks off, maybe 3 weeks. I'm going to push for 3 weeks, but don't know what the availability will be like. Lucky for us, we get 4 weeks paid vacation every day, not like 2 weeks in the States. I'm hoping I'll get the green light, so we can book our flight and start paying it off. it's going to cost an arm and a leg to pay off these plane tickets.

-current mood- TIRED, but I slept heaps. Must be the cold.

"US Immigration law hurts gays"

2006-05-06T08:41:00.000+10:00

Too right I say! I have pretty strong opinions and feelings toward same sex immigration, or lack there of in the States. I saw this article a few days ago, and was proud to think that just maybe, there is a glimpse of hope for same sex binational couples. I think regardless of whether you believe in same sex marriage, same sex couple should still be allowed to live together and BE together. People who are in binational relationships, and both live in countries that don't have same sex immigration laws, are in a world of hurt.

I believe, if you can prove your relationship (just like male/female couples) then why not allow you the same immigration rights? As we know it, there are a lot of hoax relationships out there, just for immigration status. Why should male/female couples be given presidence (sp) just because they're male/female? Maybe it wires down to the fact that people still don't believe that same sex couples should be together, therefore why allow them the ability to be together? Same sex immigration laws would allow this. But why should it be up to the government to decide whether you can even apply for immigration status, based on who you bed with????

Read the article..it's interesting.

SUMMARY: Rights groups say immigration reform must extend to thousands of U.S. citizens and their foreign-born same-sex partners.
Amid the national debate over immigration rights, Human Rights Watch and Immigration Equality issued a report Tuesday on the problems faced by thousands of U.S. citizens and their foreign-born same-sex partners.
The report, titled "Family, Unvalued: Discrimination, Denial and the Fate of Binational Same-Sex Couples under U.S. Law," documents how U.S. immigration law and federal policy discriminate against binational same-sex couples.
The 191-page report describes the consequences of this discrimination and explains how it can separate not only loving partners from one another, but also parents from children. It shows how this policy has destroyed careers, livelihoods and lives.
"Our immigration laws are undermining the traditional American values of fairness and family," said Rachel B. Tiven, executive director of Immigration Equality. "U.S. immigration policy is designed to keep families together. But the current law targets an entire class of American families and tears them apart."
Couples described abuse and harassment by immigration officials. Some told stories of being deported from the United States and separated from their partners. Many couples, forced to live in different countries or even continents, endure financial as well as emotional.
"No family should be forced apart, no matter what the sex is. This is how immigration laws have affected us," a woman in North Carolina told report authors, describing how her Hungarian partner and their children were forced to leave the United States. "We are separated and without each other. . . . We just want to be together, that's all."
Many U.S. citizens are obliged to live in countries where their relationships are recognized. At least 19 nations worldwide provide some form of immigration benefits to the same-sex partners of citizens and permanent residents, while the United States still refuses. These countries include Canada as well as 13 European countries (Belgium, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland and the United Kingdom). On other continents, this list includes Brazil, Israel, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand.
The report details how current U.S. exclusionary policies are rooted in a long history of anti-immigrant sentiment, in which fears of sexuality have played a steady part. From the McCarthy era until 1990, U.S. law barred foreign-born lesbians and gay men from entering the country.
The United States is also one of the few industrialized countries that ban entry by HIV-positive individuals.
The report concludes that Congress should immediately pass the Uniting American Families Act. The bill, sponsored by Rep. Jerrold Nadler (news, bio, voting record), D-N.Y., and Sen. Patrick Leahy (news, bio, voting record), D-Vt., would offer binational same-sex couples' relationships the same recognition and treatment afforded to binational married couples.
"I don't think it's going to happen in this Congress," admitted Scott Long, co-author of the report and director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights Program for Human Rights Watch. But Long believes this bill will "create the groundwork for the next Congress and the Congress after that."
"It is conceivable that the bill can be passed within four years," he said.If you'd like to know more, you can find stories related to Report: U.S. immigration law hurts gays.

current mood:Cold, it's bloody cold

Evaluation update

2006-04-25T10:49:00.000+10:00

I haven’t been able to update people about my evaluation becase a) I was super busy last week and b) my computer decided to pack up on me and I had to buy a new motherboard and CPU and then reformat. So deepest apologies for those who wanted to know ::smirks::

My evaluation went considerably well. There was only one thing that I needed to work, and that was the fact that I get bogged down too much with detail. Sometimes that can affect my work load, because I’ll be spending too much time on one thing, that maybe isn’t so important. But there was a lot of praise for me, which I was smitten about. I just hope that I can keep on preforming the way I have been.

My 3 month probation ceases the 8th of May, so between last Tuesday and the 8th, I have to really really perform the best that I can. I now have a caseload of 16 in my name, and it’s my job to work on those 16 files. But as I was talking with my buddy yesterday, there are some files that I shouldn’t be having just because of the complexity of them. Aside from the complexity of the files, I’m currently WITH my team, the team that I’m going to be working with. But that’s only till the end of the week. Then I’ll be going back to Lt Bourke Street until we can find room for me. I find it silly that I’m going to have to go back and not work with my team. I would think that because I’m the newest member on the team, that I’d want to be in the heart of it all. There is someone who’s been with the company for quite some time, just in a different team…and he doesn’t have any cases right now. You’d think that someone more experienced would have some of my files?? ::shrugs shoulders::

It doesn’t make sense to me, but hopefully tomorrow my buddy will talk to her manager to find out if a) we can get a couple of files transferred to someone else and b) if there is any chance that I could stay where I am right now. It would just be easier for me to learn and to have access to people who know what they’re doing. There are 2 people at the other office that know due diligence stuff, but they both have case loads, so they won’t be able to help me as much. Even though the people in my team have a case load, it’s like of 30 compared to 100+ with the others.
I sort of feel like I’m sinking a little, and I need a hand. So hopefully this chat my buddy has with her manager tomorrow or sometime this week, may improve my sinking feeling. It’s not that I can’t handle it, it’s just that I’m still so new…they must have a lot of faith in me, but I don’t want to let them down.

-current mood-BLOODY ILL in the stomach.

Evaluation on Tuesday

2006-04-16T11:37:00.000+10:00

Sooo, Tuesday I have my 5/10 week evaluation at work. I can hardly believe that I’ve been at work for 10 weeks already. The time has just flown by, and I still feel like there is so much to learn. I didn’t really have a formal 4 week evaluation, so I guess I’m having both evaluations at the same time.

I’m a bit nervous, okay I’m really nervous about the evaluation. I’ve never been one to take constructive criticism very well. And this job means SO much to me, in terms of me wanting to keep it. My probation ends 8 May, and I’m just waiting and hoping that everything goes okay. I worried about what others will say about me, in terms of my performance. I know that I’m still learning, but I just wonder if my performance is good enough to stay on the job. I don’t have a case load yet, so I’m just helping out with other people’s case load, while I’m doing my training for due diligence.

I actually have 2 meetings on Tuesday. One is with GT and RC, from the Inner Metro team, who are the team leaders. I guess they’ve been “watching” my performance and have to give me an update of how I’m doing. Then later, I have a meeting with JW and JR. JW has been my training officer since the beginning, and JR has been my training buddy for the due diligence work.

Usually by now, consultants have their own case load, I’m just wondering why I don’t have one yet. Not that I’m complaining, but my training buddy RG doesn’t have a case load either. I know I shouldn’t be stressing out too much, but GT is a bit intimidating to me, and I always feel like I’m stupid when I ask her a question. I don’t think she means to be as direct and short as she is, but I find it hard to ask her questions. And the truth is, I have to go to her, to get more work, when I’ve finished what she’s given me.

I’m hoping everything will fall into place, once I start getting a case load. I know that JR has a new case load (I’m taking over his caseload for due diligence), and that I’ll soon be having his clients. But I still would like to have a little more experience doing the transferring of files, before I actually am left on my own.

We shall see what happens on Tuesday. I just wish that I would have had my evaluation before the long weekend. It would have made me feel better. But I know evaluations are all part of the job, and I can only due my best. But is my best good enough to keep the job???

-current mood-A LITTLE STRESSED about Tuesday.

Family Conflict..cont...

2006-04-09T10:46:00.000+10:00

Well, we ended up going to the party last night. I’m glad we did, that way sh*t didn’t hit the roof. But my partner said that we’d only stay for an hour and then we’d go home. Did that happen?? No, we got there at 7:30 and stayed till 11:00. I was about ready to fall asleep sitting in the chair I was in. The food was great, but the conversation was pretty boring. We hardly spoke about 10 works with either sister. I can understand them having a lot of new friends over, but they both seemed to make an effort to talk to everyone else but us.

I know the two sisters knew that something was wrong when we left Friday night. Yesterday, our brother in law came to pick up the table and chairs during the day and he asked if something was wrong, from the night before. T explained sort of, how peeved off she was about not being invited…but his excuse was that this thing wasn’t planned. But it looked very much planned. Even if it wasn’t planned, and they all congregated to S’s place, a lightbulb should have gone off and they should have realized “oh, we’re forgetting one sister, let’s invite her.” But that’s the problem, the lightbulb doesn’t go off.

This isolation feeling, has been going on with my partner for as long as she’s moved out of her mum’s place. As to whether there was family conflict back then, who knows. T’s never been close with her sisters, but her two other sisters have been somewhat close. In truth, the whole family has somewhat grown apart. But it’s just sad and unfortunate that it’s had to come to this. My partner has cried a number of times, with how alone and isolated she’s felt from her family. She’s talked and talked to them, but it’s like talking to a brick wall….My partner gets upset, she cries, then feels all defiant and has the “f*ck them” attitude. But then, she goes back to her ways, and always is the one making an effort to keep in contact with her sisters. Never ending cycle, it is.

-current mood-TIRED, I slept too much this morning I think.

Family conflict

2006-04-08T09:26:00.000+10:00

Ever since I’ve known my partner and her family, there’s always been this sense of “being left out” that my partner has felt. She used to tell me how her family (two sisters) would never come visit her. Her sisters both live in the same suburb as my partner and I…and 7 years later, this sort of stuff is still going on. Even when one of my partner’s sisters was living across the street from my partner, she’d never come and visit. When she moved out of the house, and still came to visit the new people in the house, she’d never come visit. The “excuse” that the sisters always gave, was that my partner was on afternoon shift, so they didn’t want to disrupt her sleeping. But my partner wakes up at like noon, sometimes 11:30, there is still plenty of time to visit and have her get ready for work.

There was a period of time, where my partner just said to herself “self, I’m not going to make any effort to contact my family, and see what happens.” This went on for over a month, and in that month, no one contacted her. So in truth, my partner stated that if she died one day, no one would know of this. It was disheartening to listen to my partner talk about her family like this.

At first, I didn’t think it happened as often as my partner had stated it did. But once I actually got to stay with my partner, whether it was for a month, or a year, it was evident that her family just don’t seem to realize what they do. It’s not just her sisters, it’s also her dad, who moved to the same suburb about 5 years ago. All three family members live within 5 minutes from each other. But yet, the two sisters visit each other, and the father visits one of the sisters…mostly because he takes his grandkids to breakfast every other Saturday. But why is it, that they visit each other, they ring each other, they talk to each other on the computer, but yet rarely involve my partner. One sister will even go as far as putting herself on invisible, AS SOON AS my partner pops online. And the excuse she gives is “I’m not around on my computer that often….”

Last night, I think was the last straw. For quite some time, my partner’s been “over” the issue. But last night, I don’t know if my partner’s attitude will change. S, the oldest sister, her birthday is Sunday. She’s having a get together tonight, with family, and 8 friends she’s met on the internet. Someone was supposed to come pick up our chairs and table yesterday, for the party tonight. No one showed up. So after dinner, we stopped by the sister’s house to see if they still needed the chairs. We walk in, and there, sitting, with food, and drinks, are the two sisters, brother in law, and one of the cousins and his wife. Also were two of S’s friends that was coming to visit. My partner said “why wasn’t I invited?” And the question was never answered properly. There was a bit of arguing about who was supposed to call us, to tell us they didn’t need the chairs.

My partner was pretty peeved off. She went into the other room, where her niece was on the computer doing some art work on there, and started talking to her. We stayed for about 10 minutes, then my partner said “we’re going.” And everyone started asking “why…” And she said “because..” and left it at that. But you could sense there was some tension in the room, and I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. I knew my partner was unhappy, and I knew she didn’t want to express it to her sisters.

When we got home, my partner just sat on the toilet and cried. I tried to get her to talk to me, but she wanted her “space.” After about 15 minutes she was watching tv, and I came and talked with her. My partner said that we weren’t going to the birthday party, though I could go if I wanted to. But I explained to her “what do I say when they ask where you are?” And she said “just tell them I’m sick.” I told her I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers, because if we didn’t show up tonight, the sister would be really upset. But my partner said “f*ck them, they don’t have any consideration for me, why should I care??”

We talked for about 20 minutes, and I wasn’t able to change my partner’s mind. But the way I know my partner, she’ll cave in. She always has when it’s come to her isolation issue with her family. I know she’s unhappy, but there isn’t anything that can be done. The sisters don’t have a guilty conscience for what happened last night, and they’ll probably say “well f*ck her if she’s going to have that attitude. They don’t realize how much it hurts my partner, being left out like that. I made the suggestion that maybe because all the people invited, talked to the two women reguarly online, and my partner had just met them this week…that maybe that’s why we weren’t invited. The sisters said that this wasn’t planned, this get together. But yet, there was food and drinks available….You’d think that if people started showing up (they wouldn’t have all ironically showed up at the same time) that they would have rang my partner. But they didn’t, and that’s what is most hurtful.

My partner has tried and tried to tell her sisters how she feels but they always brush it off. They’ve told her that she’s just imagining things. But I can see it…so if two people are seeing it, I don’t think it’s imagining. I don’t know if we’re still going to the party or not tonight, but my partner is supposed to make a lasagne for the party. I don’t want to not go, because I know sh*t will hit the roof, but I don’t want to go, because I know how my partner feels. She’s always left out, and regardless of when she works, she’s always left in the dark about things. No one ever rings her or visits us. The only time they do, is if WE invite people, or they want something. And when they want something, they want it straight away. ::shaking head:: Family politics…they SUCK!

-current mood-NOT HAPPY...for the above reason

Unisex bathrooms

2006-04-01T11:05:00.000+11:00

::waving hello to everyone:: I know it’s been a week or so since I’ve last written. But I DID say that the posts were going to be dissipating a bit.

At my job, I’ve moved to a different office. Because I’m going to a different team, that requires a bit more training, I’m doing a 1-on-1 training with J. But J has moved to the inner metro team, which is at a different building. So last week I chugged down to the inner metro office, and am stationed there.

The office is really nice..the kitchen is absolutely HUGE in comparison to the kitchens in the other building. But one major difference, is that there is a unisex bathroom, like in Ally McBeal. It’s a bit strange getting used to the idea that we’re sharing a bathroom with males. But the nice thing is, is if someone wants privacy, then there is a latch. When I heard unisex bathrooms I thought at first “what if it’s that time of the month? Changing, isn’t going to be pleasant or comfortable if a guy is in the bathroom.” But lucky for the latch eh??

I’m not planning on being at this office for the remainder of my time…but will be there for a while. But I’m dreading the day I have to chugg my things all the way back to the other building. It isn’t that far, but last time we had to take a fleet car to carry all of our stuff. Hopefully this time, I’ll have some help. Any excuse to get out of the office..::smirks::

-current mood-I'm OK, but my partner is unhappy b/c I won't bid on something on ebay for her. It's over 100 AUS dollars, and is from the States. I would rather bid on stuff IN Australia.

So I've decided....

2006-03-26T09:01:00.000+11:00

…that because it seems like my effort with blogging has decreased, I’m not going to be blogging as much. Yes, I still will be blogging, but I probably won’t be blogging during the week. I have a few loyal readers, and have lost some, but that’s okay. The main purpose of my blog is for myself. Whether people make comments, that’s their own perrogative.

But I’ve found, that since I’ve started working, my time and energy to blog has gone way down. I still have yet so much to talk about, but by the time I get home, I’m absolutely knackered. I guess getting up at 6:30 to be at work at 8:15 takes it’s toll. ::smirks:: Riding the train to and from work, it really has an impact on how tired I am when I come home.

I know you won’t all be sad and disheartened if you don’t hear from me every day…::laughing outlout:: So I think it’s just a good idea to just cut down on the blogging. It was easier for me to blog when I wasn’t working. I had all the time in the world. But now that I’m a working individual, I just can’t find the time and energy. I made a conscious effort for all this time, but as I said, my posts have become short, and somewhat meaningless…lol. But maybe that’s okay?? I don’t know, we’ll see how it goes. But more than likely, I’m not going to blog every day anymore.

I think when I had more loyal readers and more people commenting, it made blogging worth while. But real life gets in the way, and people come and go in and out of our lives. Blogging should have always been just about me, but at the same time, it was nice to receive those comments from people. But now, there just isn’t enough time in the day to do everything. ::winking::

-current mood-Not up long enough to be in a mood..lol.